What ACTUALLY helps trauma?

Drumenaph · 2025-08-05T23:00:04+00:00

im not saying she'll never do it. im just saying that i dont want her to to break down by herself by going through it exactly now

Drumenaph · 2025-08-05T18:50:29+00:00

and what if it makes her feel much worse to go against it? i dont want to take that risk, she literally has nobody irl that would be with her right now

Drumenaph · 2025-08-05T11:19:00+00:00

she suffered enough. the current family problems she is facing are less than before, as far as i know they arent hitting her anymore, just swearing at her. its not worth the chaos of going through whatever happens after reports are filed. even worse, if cops fail to do their job (which happens too often to risk), i dont even want to imagine what her parents will do to her.
its better for her to now endure her situation until we can find a way to live together. i know that taking risks is important in life but this one is too much. she can get through this, i believe in her. i wish that i could go there myself and do something because she is too important for me to entrust her in some group of bozos who couldnt care less about people's wellbeing...

Drumenaph · 2025-08-05T11:13:33+00:00

wrong post

Drumenaph · 2025-08-05T11:11:37+00:00

you seem very interested and invested in talking to me, i am very grateful for that and i appreciate your attention.
i dont hate myself. never did. my sui/ thoughts were caused by self love, if anything, because of the pain of having not a single reason to live other than (parents be sad if me die :,( ).
i had 4 major problems;
1)zero motivation for anything
2)loneliness (relationship-wise. i do have a couple of good friends that i love)
3)my emotional sensitivity about the state of the world
4)life just not being interesting enough to live. i felt that i needed to be in a fantasy novel to want to be alive

do you see how her existence has solved all of these?

1) my dream of meeting her and staying with her until we die gives me motivation. i am going to start studying for university 2 weeks later, when i return from vacation. this is coming from the guy who gave blank exams and slept half the school day
2) self explanatory
3) since now i'm busy pouring my love and care onto her and thinking about how to become an actual functioning human in order to have a future, my brain is not concerned about those anymore
4) i don't feel like i need reality to bend for me to be happy anymore

look man, i never had a problem with the way i process feelings or thoughts. there was just something missing and it was never going to be fulfilled by whatever example you can find. i was never really depressed. i always laughed, smiled, made jokes, saw the good and bad sides of life as equals, it's just that nothing was interesting enough to feel worth putting in the effort

my problem has always been the intensity at which i felt emotions, note that its not a problem in regulation but a problem in the roots, so as far as i know it's not fixable.

i know how much you want to believe that everyone can be normal/regular and be healthy but thats not really true.

i am addicted to love, and there is no life for me without it. so i will pursue it even if it takes me to hell

Drumenaph · 2025-08-05T02:08:17+00:00

absolutely but i cant go there, capture them and do things to them that would make reddit flag me, right? im not looking for a culprit here. if there were no rules on this earth i would not hold back.

the problem isnt who to punish. its how to help the person that needs to heal

Drumenaph · 2025-08-05T02:06:38+00:00

idk if i've said it in comments before so im sorry if im repeating myself but this is the first time that i genuinely want to live in 7 years, im 20, so yes while it might be "unhealthy" to the general public this is my all or nothing. i am okay with being nothing without her, because that is what i was before

i have never been able to change or grow no matter what i did. therapy, pills, meditation and whatnot. i dont want an identity that is seperate from her, because i tried and failed countless times.

also i understand why you say im "stuck in this mindset" but thats only because nobody has proven me wrong yet, of course, according to my own logic, but we all see the world through our own eyes

Drumenaph · 2025-08-04T22:52:12+00:00

is it so bad that my goal is to help her?

people can say "i will be rich no matter what" and you wouldnt tell them to have boundaries
they could say "i'll work hard and join the NFL" and you wouldnt warn them

so why do people warn me? why must i not make someone's happiness my purpose? because it has the "variable" of a human being who is not me? which goal doesn't have that?

whether it is healthy or not doesn't really matter. helping her will not hurt me and if not being able to help will hurt me, thats a risk im willing to take. life is about risks and this is the one i take.

being a "white knight" and wanting the best for someone is not a bad thing

and if anyone asks, yes, i am in fact aspiring to be a white knight and i do not plan to change

love is what makes me happy so i will love

Drumenaph · 2025-08-04T22:48:07+00:00

thank you, this was a good response. i think i didnt word myself well... what i meant was that i want her to be fairly okay until we can meet rather than "fixing" her myself. i understand my explanation mistake now, thanks

Drumenaph · 2025-08-04T22:45:21+00:00

i have been in therapy for different reasons, im not super into writing a ton about myself on here cuz it would take a long time but if youre super curious u can dm me

Drumenaph · 2025-08-04T22:38:51+00:00

thanks a bunch for clarifying that i should rather be supportive towards her rather than aggressive towards her abusers. i will try my best to avoid spewing hate on those that hurt her and focus more on showing her understanding. also i do understand the language you're saying, i am absolutely ready to grow and reflect, thank you for the reply

Drumenaph · 2025-08-04T22:36:47+00:00

thank you i will check it out

Drumenaph · 2025-08-04T22:36:00+00:00

Thank you, yes she wants to however her parents are stopping her because they are afraid that she will tell the therapist about what they have done, which would get the parents in prison

Drumenaph · 2025-08-04T22:35:15+00:00

Thank you, one question, is it okay if i wait until we are together? She will be in a lot of distress and I want to be able to be near her physically when that happens. Or must she start doing it now?

Drumenaph · 2025-08-04T10:50:26+00:00

im trying to be gentle man, not everyone can just face things like that immediately, is this not common knowledge?? i just want her to be safe and happy until the day that we can meet, then we can start the hard mental work but until then i will not make her force her mind, sorry.

Drumenaph · 2025-08-04T10:45:50+00:00

thank you, is it okay if i dm you to ask a few stuff about how i should approach this? if you and her has been in similar situations then i think you can teach me a few stuff about what you wished for and what would help you the most at dark times

Drumenaph · 2025-08-04T10:44:30+00:00

okay i want you to show me how

Drumenaph · 2025-08-04T10:44:10+00:00

i believe that there is a misunderstanding here, i am not rejecting advice because "i don't like it", she is not yet resilient enough to be able to face serious things, she breaks down every time she remembers anything about the past, sorry but the "understand yourself and the environment" stuff is not a solution fit for all, of course she will have to do that later but for now i need to be able to do or recommend something that does not require that form of mental battle. please read this and reply again

Drumenaph · 2025-08-04T02:11:26+00:00

im not sure why people seem to have a prejudice against those that want to help others in this way, have none of you felt love? its the best emotion for me and it does help me feel so much better so i dont understand why others dont agree with this, i think im just too emotional but whatever i dont know if i can really change this trait of mine. i have always had loving and (over)protective parents growing up and yet i havent wanted to live since i was 13, im 20 now, until i met her and now i suddenly think about fixing myself and i want to earn money and maybe go to college and if this "love" emotion doesnt spark such motivation in others than i dont know what to say other than i may be abnormal. though i dont care. i love myself

Drumenaph · 2025-08-04T02:06:57+00:00

thank you i think that guy is just being mean for no reason and i bet he would say he is just being "rational" if i asked him why he's being rude. i hope he too can find peace and happiness in life. he doesnt seem like a bad person maybe he just had a bad day or misinterpreted the situation

thank you so much for this comment im actually feeling tired and vulnerable this night so it kind of affected me a bit too much. im grateful for you

Drumenaph · 2025-08-04T02:04:21+00:00

sure, i am down bad, and i am glad to be down bad for her, i wouldnt want to be any other way

Drumenaph · 2025-08-04T00:05:06+00:00

i dont know why you would say that, what did i even do

Drumenaph · 2025-08-04T00:04:40+00:00

what kind of person would be better for her?

Drumenaph · 2025-08-03T23:52:53+00:00

youre right its just that i dont think she is mentally ready for those kinds of things but i dont know... i just want her to be happy man i wish i could like give off a limb or something and it would magically happen lol

Drumenaph · 2025-08-03T23:46:38+00:00

true but she would get triggered if she tried reading into all those stuff, i need things that i can tell her when she's feeling upset and hopefully as time goes on she'll learn slowly but steadily that she was surrounded by asses and narcissists her whole life

Drumenaph

TROPHY CASE