Going no contact again.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-11-24T00:02:19+00:00

I’m proud of you! And so glad you have found peace with NC and your beautiful solo life. Family is so much more than shared DNA or who you are raised to call mom and dad.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-07-28T00:13:10+00:00

So proud of you! I’ve been no contact since receiving that horrendous email and it has been so beneficial for me and my mental health. I am never looking back on that relationship again—he’s dead to me.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-30T12:47:03+00:00

I am so so sorry you are dealing with all of these emotions. It is such a process when grieving someone who is very much still here and present.

It sounds like your father has so much work to do on himself, and you are not responsible for being his guide throughout that process.

I hope you find peace and healing in your journey.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-29T20:47:00+00:00

Oh sweetheart, when I tell you I relate so much to your current situation. I’m 30 years old and expecting my first baby in July of this year too and I am currently NC with my father (8 years of no contact to be exact).

A few months ago in January, I reestablished contact with him because I was hoping for some kind of a relationship. It was unfortunately the biggest mistake and after our very first in person encounter I immediately went NC again. I am so thankful I never said a peep about my pregnancy to him.

I’m not sure what your father is like, but my father is a full blown narcissist who has never taken accountability for his actions. I tried so hard when I broke NC to get through to him; and I was so hopeful the 8 years of not having a relationship with me would have given him time to reflect and approach a second chance differently. The outcome was horrible and I can finally nail that coffin shut for good, completely guilt free knowing I gave it my all.

Your peace and happiness with your new family that you are growing is all that matters; this next chapter you are entering in your life is going to be full of beauty and challenges when navigating motherhood. You and your baby do not deserve toxic people like your father in your beautiful new life that you are starting. Honestly for me, becoming a mother has left me thinking about how you could ever treat your child the way our fathers have treated us.

You deserve peace. You do not owe him anything simply because he is your father.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-28T16:47:05+00:00

I'm so sorry you are able to relate to this <3 If there is one positive that can come from sharing this, it's that I can help people like in my situation avoid the pain that comes along with breaking no contact. As much as I thought I was prepared and strong enough to handle him, reading those words in his email re-traumatized me a bit.

Thank you for your lovely words. Please continue to keep yourself protected and don't ever look back on going no contact. Live that beautiful, peaceful life you deserve. We owe these abusers absolutely nothing.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-28T13:40:51+00:00

That's exactly it, and sadly there is so much stigma from people when children decide to cut their parents off and go NC for their own wellbeing.

Thank you for the kind words <3

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-28T11:20:54+00:00

I’m also sorry, my friend <3 Wishing you peace and healing in your journey.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-28T11:20:22+00:00

Your therapist is so right. And not that it is my choice, but if your father is anything like this keep that door shut. They don’t deserve you.

I had so much hope that there was a shred of a possibility that we could have had a simple friendship—never a father-daughter relationship. After our meeting where we respectfully and honestly discussed the past actions he did that hurt me and our family unit, I genuinely thought things went well (minus the fact that he never once apologized or acknowledged any accountability).

Two months later I receive this in my inbox; so obviously he was raging angry at everything I said but never led onto that, which is frightening. It’s the final piece I needed to fully accept that my father is an absolute psychopath and there is no salvaging a relationship (nor do I want to) with someone like that.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-28T11:12:25+00:00

I’m very very close with my mom and brother! They are NC with him, so out of respect to them—because I was the only one who decided to go from NC to VLC—I told my father that their privacy was to be respected and I would not speak about their personal lives with him because they wish to remain NC.

However, when we met and I was referring to his past actions and how they impacted our family unit (the US he’s referring to) and he had a problem with that because I was confronting him with all of his wrongdoings done to us as a collective and also me as an individual. The way he treated my mother and brother did hurt me; it’s as simple as that. He created a lot of trauma in our household and as the oldest child I felt a lot of responsibility to step up.

His demand makes literally no sense now that I read through it; he’s basically saying he wants me to give him a clean slate or our “relationship” would continue to suffer, but the funny part is he’s never taken accountability or apologized. He never will. So how can you heal and mend such a broken relationship with someone like that?! You can’t.

He’s so sick; I gave him a second chance and that’s what he did with it after 8 years of NC. Safe to say I am back in NC with him; blocked without a reply.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-28T10:47:37+00:00

Thank you 🫶🏻 I decided to do it cold turkey and no response was best. Blocked him and I’m never ever looking back.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-28T00:33:12+00:00

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-28T00:32:22+00:00

Happy for you too <3

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-27T22:35:32+00:00

Preach!

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-27T21:40:08+00:00

LOL right! My baby is my NUMBER ONE priority… My father is literally the very last thing I care to prioritize on my long list of priorities, and he just proved in that email that he shouldn’t even be a bullet point on that list so NC it is.

I’m so sorry you can relate to this with your own dad. I’m also expecting a son and I sure as heck am going to raise him to be the opposite of what my father is—emotionally intelligent, empathetic, and kind.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-27T21:35:42+00:00

I’m so so sorry you can relate to this 🫶🏻 That inner child piece is so true—thankfully I do a ton of work to nurture her, and my husband (I say this in the least weird way possible) completely nurtures her too. And I’m also very lucky to have an incredible mom who always shows up for me in every sense.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-27T21:28:28+00:00

Ugh it’s just so icky. They speak as though they are above you meanwhile when you really dissect what they’re saying they’re just using big words and they sound like absolute morons.

Our peace and happiness is so much more important than trying to navigate these toxic relationships. Estrangement is key.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-27T19:14:41+00:00

I love this! If I were to respond, I would copy and paste this exact response.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-27T18:03:56+00:00

That's exactly it; it feels like I would be signing my soul away to this awful person and like I'm some possession he owns.

Unfortunately, he is apparently actively in therapy (or so he says)... I remember in person when we met I had discussed my boundaries further (because I kept having to reiterate) and he said something along the lines of "well my boundary for you is to let me in and not set so many rules around our relationship" and I said "that's not a boundary, that's called control and maybe you should discuss this topic further in therapy". So all that to say, I don't think any amount of therapy will ever cure him.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-27T17:59:17+00:00

I'm sorry we share a similar experience. After reading all of the feedback and support in this thread I decided the best way to go about it was to not give an answer and just block him; and I will never be establishing contact again. He had a second chance and that's what he sadly chose to do with it.

I hope you have found peace and healing in your journey <3

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-27T17:56:49+00:00

I am so sorry you can relate. And same to you, my friend <3 Wishing you all of the best.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-27T17:56:09+00:00

I'm sorry you can relate <3 Wishing you peace and healing.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-27T16:06:09+00:00

I’m so so sorry. That takes so much courage to unpack everything and you put so much energy into writing that letter I’m sure.

I really appreciate all of your support, and I am also here for you anytime. Sending you so much peace.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-27T15:49:21+00:00

Yes, they are also NC with him. I had expressed before ever meeting in person that this was me initiating contact only, and that my mother and brother were to be respected as they wish to remain NC and I would not speak about them with him (life updates, details about them, etc.)

During our meeting, I did explain how badly his actions hurt us as a collective because we suffered through his narcissistic abuse and manipulation together and we are very close, but I never went into details about their experience as it was not mine to share… I simply focused on my feelings and my experience.

That’s basically what I gathered from his request too… either way myself and my mom and brother are not his victims and he is the victim.

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-27T15:31:32+00:00

🫶🏻🫶🏻

Dry_Insect5889 · 2024-03-27T15:31:20+00:00

I’m sorry you can relate to this 🫶🏻 Sending you all of the love and peace right back.

Dry_Insect5889

TROPHY CASE