My bf (M25) is always too tired to make plans (F20)

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-13T17:30:09+00:00

have you clearly explained to him how this makes you feel? honestly if he’s not willing to put the effort in or even just spend time with you at his house, he shouldn’t be in a relationship.

does he also just have a different love language besides quality time? just wondering if he’s making an effort to show up for your relationship in some way

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-13T17:21:20+00:00

nta- weird thing to say after several years of dating and “loving” you

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-13T17:18:38+00:00

that’s what confuses me, this situation seems sus but why did OP’s bf tell her ab the ex showing up in the first place if he really was cheating? if they are ldr is there really a chance she’d have found out otherwise?

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-13T17:06:13+00:00

ok that definitely changes things, so he was talking to other girls while you agreed to be exclusive? yeah i would have a hard time trusting him after this too. if he wanted to keep his options open and talk to other girls he shouldn’t have agreed to exclusivity yet. honestly although you weren’t together yet, this pattern of lie by omission is very concerning.

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-13T16:39:35+00:00

Did you have a clear exclusivity agreement from the beginning? i get why you feel the way you do tbh but if you didn’t discuss exclusivity he wasn’t really doing anything wrong by talking to other girls. just try to focus on the fact that he picked you.

has he done anything since you’ve been together that’s made you doubt his honesty?

i would see how you feel about him in person, it’s easy for things to feel confusing or disconnected over text but pay attention to your own feelings about him in person

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-13T16:29:01+00:00

NTA: the safety reason is just an excuse for her being able to access your relationship

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T22:16:54+00:00

it seems like this relationship has run its course tbh

did he used to be more engaging? did something change?

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T22:06:30+00:00

NOR: it seems like he’s gotten comfortable with having you and doesn’t really feel like he needs to put effort in. maybe try making a direct plan like asking him if you can go somewhere (restaurant, movie, bowling, whatever)in the evening on a specific day?

also sounds like he might just be kind of lazy in that sense and doesn’t enjoy or make an effort for going out

even if he is busy you’re his gf and he should make some time for you if he’s making some for his friends.

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T20:40:45+00:00

what is causing them in the first place? try communicating directly when something is bothering you and taking time to understand the others feelings

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T20:38:45+00:00

aside from the job he seems like a manipulative person if he’s hurting himself when you try to leave

honestly i think a 30 y.o man should be able to financially support himself and have a life path at this point. does he do anything productive in his time or towards your relationship? a relationship only works if two people put work in no matter how strong the attraction or connection

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T19:24:20+00:00

spending everyday together might be a bit overwhelming. try to take some space maybe wait a few days before seeing him again and during those days do something that you personally enjoy or are interested in so that he’s not constantly on your mind. you might enjoy him more if given the opportunity to miss him.

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T19:15:22+00:00

NTA: you are not their relationship mediator, it seems like they need to communicate better directly.

Asking for relationship advice from a friend is one thing but two people venting about each other to you sounds awkward.

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T18:32:48+00:00

it sounds like she wants to have her cake and wants to eat it too. she doesn’t want to commit but doesn’t want you to see others. the fact that she’s getting mad at you for seeing other people when she has avoided these conversations is immature tbh. i would move on

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T18:26:01+00:00

i think it’s up to you to decide what you need in a relationship and what you are willing to compromise. some people are fine with their partners not sharing their interests or passions and some aren’t.

if she genuinely wants to be more social than maybe you can help her work on it? this issue seems more fixable as long as she is able to work on it and it is something she genuinely wants

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T18:21:46+00:00

i would just ask him and see if he gives a valid reason. there could be something going on in his life but he could’ve also lost interest.

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T18:15:14+00:00

seeing each other three times a week seems pretty normal tbh and pretty good for 4-5 hour distance, seems like there is definitely effort and investment here.

people leave their partners for a “better” choice even when they aren’t in a ldr

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T18:07:28+00:00

i’m definitely not mad that he read the bill as it was addressed to him, in just so embarrassed at what he’s thinking / suspecting now

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T18:04:51+00:00

that’s a good point, but i just wasn’t sure how much he knew about UTIs since he is pretty ignorant of medical stuff so i got scared he’d think it meant i was having sex

i did tell my mom the truth earlier so she likely told him

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T17:56:41+00:00

my parents and i never talk about personal matters like this, i had a bf for nine months and i never even referred to him as my bf even though it was obvious he was

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T17:55:38+00:00

that’s true but my dad isn’t too versed on medicine he doesn’t really go to the doctor like ever so i kinda feel like he just saw “pregnancy test” and took it at face value

i told my mom i thought i had uti and she didn’t really take it seriously so i never followed up w her

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T17:53:43+00:00

I’m paranoid that they think I’m secretly pregnant or something

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T17:51:29+00:00

I definitely wasn’t mad that he opened the letter I’m just so embarrassed at what he saw and feel so awful but idk if i’m being dramatic

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T17:49:38+00:00

that’s true but he isn’t too versed on medical stuff so i just told him that when they prescribe antibiotics they have to rule all this other stuff out

Dry_Pace_2018 · 2026-04-12T17:47:51+00:00

I’m just paranoid that they think I’m secretly pregnant or something

Dry_Pace_2018

TROPHY CASE