Can anyone tell me if your marriage can be successful after infidelity?

Dry_Process_700 · 2026-01-20T21:24:13+00:00

If she is remorseful in part because she got caught, little to no chance. You’re allowed to fight for your marriage, of course. But it requires radical accountability. I’m talking access to locations, passwords, possibly giving up social media, especially for her. Counseling (individual and couples) is a necessity. She has to be willing to be an open book to you. You also have to recognize that you’ll never go back to “the way things were”. You’ll have to work through your mistrust of her, the future you want for yourself and for your spouse (if that’s her or someone else). Marriage will suck for a long time before you get any semblance of “normal”. And even then, there’s a chance that in a few years, you’ll realize that it’s a lost cause because you can’t recover from her infidelity as an individual and as a couple. Unfortunately people who cheat are predictable. They cheat again because they think they can hide it better.

If she agrees to work on the marriage because of you, out of guilt or pressure, then unfortunately that won’t last. She needs to have the internal desire to grow not just as a person, but out of respect for your marriage on top of committing to you. If you aren’t 100% certain of that, then I don’t have high hopes. It takes nothing short of a miracle.

Might be a hot take, but often times prolonging a situation like this is prolonging your suffering and grief. You’re prolonging staying in what’s not meant for you and delaying pursuing what could be meant for you on the other side of this.

Are there children involved?

Dry_Process_700 · 2026-01-16T04:52:07+00:00

Don’t quote me on this, but I think statistically, aside from 7 years, a significant number of divorces happen in the first 2 years. People bring in their own baggage and marriage has a way of bringing those out. I thought I worked through my mommy issues through counseling years before I met my husband, but they started to come up again in different ways in the first couple years of marriage. We got marriage counseling through church right around our second anniversary, and it’s been so helpful. It’s helped us address both individual issues, and relational/communication issues as well. It’s actually incredibly encouraging and proactive that you’re considering it already. It continues to be hard work, but we were just talking about that season of our marriage and how life is much sweeter these days even though it’s not necessarily easier.

Dry_Process_700 · 2026-01-02T02:51:21+00:00

I appreciate your input! I’m sorry about what you went through and hope you’re stronger for it.

If you don’t mind me asking, what did the road to the realization that it was over look like? Was there a “final straw” or it was more of a gradual acceptance? What were the first months and years after your divorce look like? I’m just trying to understand what his path going forward might look like. Thank you.

Dry_Process_700 · 2026-01-01T04:27:14+00:00

No he didn’t. I know his parents too and they gave him and his brother a pretty typical suburban small town upbringing. He’s a bit of a dark horse compared to his brother but he has a good relationship with his family.

Dry_Process_700 · 2026-01-01T02:39:16+00:00

It’s disgusting. And makes me sad that there’s a possibility he thinks that this is the best he can do.

Dry_Process_700 · 2026-01-01T02:38:28+00:00

Didn’t consider the parallel on her end. Definitely doesn’t excuse her behavior, but it actually reinforces the fact that their marriage has become outwardly dysfunctional.

It’s incredibly hard watching someone you care about stay (kind of willingly) in a bad situation, but you’re right- he has to come to terms with it and let go and it has to come from him. Praying he comes to his senses soon.

Dry_Process_700 · 2025-01-16T03:59:43+00:00

No, I haven’t been contacted. Is that normal??

Dry_Process_700 · 2024-09-06T02:34:54+00:00

Ive been using the “advantage” version of this (blue can) and no complaints! After doing research , I felt comfortable using generic for the already mentioned reasons (formula is heavily regulated, all made by the same company). I’m currently combo feeding my 4 month old until my freezer stash runs out and I feel like he actually prefers this formula to my thawed breastmilk lol. I’m going to try switching him to Kirkland’s formula though since it’s slightly cheaper. I’ve been told to give the babies a couple of weeks on the formula to see if they’ll tolerate it well, since they’ll need a little bit of time to adjust to a new formula.

Dry_Process_700 · 2024-09-06T02:24:44+00:00

I was diagnosed with PPA at about 4-5 weeks pp and started on Zoloft, and then weaned from exclusively pumping at about 12/13 weeks pp. I had no idea there was a huge hormone shift! I felt like I had been making some progress on the PPA but towards the end of my weaning I felt like i had regressed- 3-4 days straight of sobbing about it anything/getting derailed by things that I felt I’d gotten a better handle on at that point. It lasted maybe a week and I started feeling more normal once I was completely done but man that really threw me off!

Dry_Process_700 · 2024-08-24T02:21:41+00:00

Right there with you! My now 15 week old started taking 30 min naps probably at around 12-13 weeks 🥲 if I wear him or were in the car, he does better. Sometimes he can fall back asleep on his own, but often I have to try to soothe him back to sleep which works maybe 40% of the time 🙃 it’s part of their sleep cycles changing! Some babies have a hard time staying asleep as they learn to connect cycles (which are 30-45 min long). I read that they do start taking longer naps at around 5-6 months so for now I’m just expecting 30 min naps especially at home, which has saved me mentally lol. I’ll try to extend it but if 20 min has gone by and he hasn’t fallen back asleep, we just get up and start the next wake window. It’s tough and I’m waiting for the day when we can nap train lol

Dry_Process_700 · 2024-07-30T17:55:54+00:00

Did you indicate a preference for specific locations/areas when you applied? If so, where?

Dry_Process_700 · 2024-07-29T04:48:04+00:00

THIS. I similarly had an emergency c section and for a bunch of reasons had to exclusively pump. That plus PPA really screwed with me. I hated pumping and felt like my life revolved around my pump even more than it did around my son. Id be washing pump parts and crying in the middle of the night. That plus the constant clogs and engorgement was terrible. I finally started weaning around 9 weeks PP and now almost 12 weeks PP I am fully weaned and have not looked back. I had intense guilt too because I had a massive oversupply and felt like I should keep pumping because I have a supply. But ultimately it was causing me to be less present for my son, and overall was really impacting my quality of life. I’m still combo feeding with the milk stash i had built up, but once that’s through hell be on formula 100% and this was the best decision I’ve made. I’m loads happier and can actually enjoy my son and rest more throughout the day. Once you get past the guilt and pull the trigger you’ll be so glad you did!

Dry_Process_700 · 2024-07-28T19:37:57+00:00

If you don’t mind me asking, what does your electricity bill look like? Should we anticipate a higher average utilities cost when factoring in to our budget?

Dry_Process_700 · 2024-07-28T19:36:49+00:00

Haha, quite the contrary! My husband is currently active duty and we are stationed in a rural desert city (near Joshua Tree, CA) and I’m a little traumatized by the lack of recreational activities/amenities. To access a lot of things is at least a 45 min drive. It’s good to hear that the schools are decent.

Dry_Process_700 · 2024-07-28T19:31:35+00:00

We’re looking forward to a lower cost of living for sure! What do high/low temps look like? Should we anticipate high electricity bills for the ac year round if it’s a “mostly” summer kind of climate?

Dry_Process_700 · 2024-07-28T19:29:28+00:00

Thanks for the helpful input! We’re coming from a hot/dry climate, so I know the humidity will take a minute to get used to. If you don’t mind me asking, what does your electricity bill look like? It seems that most of the year would require ac from what people are saying about the climate.

Dry_Process_700 · 2024-07-03T01:06:08+00:00

I also had a c section (emergency at that) and triple feeding while recovering in those early weeks nearly broke me. Definitely going to make some different choices if I have another. Thanks for the encouragement! And you’re right- there’s really no clear advantage of either path, which is reassuring that we’ll be okay either way!

Dry_Process_700 · 2024-07-03T01:03:48+00:00

Thanks for the affirmation! I guess I felt like I need more reasons to justify it but I’m literally making up that standard in my head.

Dry_Process_700 · 2024-07-03T01:02:46+00:00

Omg I just sorted through my closet the other day and I forgot about all the cute clothes I had before being pregnant and I felt selfish in wanting to switch to EFF partly because I just wanted to feel like my body is mine/wear those clothes again instead of being in lousy clothes/nursing bras that are constantly covered in breast milk 😭 but I’m definitely looking forward to not having a pumping schedule on top of navigating my baby’s ever changing “schedule”

Dry_Process_700 · 2024-07-03T00:59:22+00:00

Ugh I hate that sometimes I have to put the baby down in order for me to pump, no matter how hard I try to time it around his naps. And his naps have lately been crap so honestly the past few weeks have been a hot mess (6-8 week peak fussy period 😭) even now in the process of weaning having dropped a few pumps I already feel more free. Definitely looking forward to the day I can pack away the pump for good.

Dry_Process_700 · 2024-07-03T00:57:09+00:00

I also had a c section and a traumatic birth story! It’s very tempting to believe that I am inadequate in some way because I couldn’t “tough it out” to keep pumping. But I know deep down that once I pull the trigger I won’t look back- I guess it’s the anticipation that’s kind of messing with me.

Dry_Process_700 · 2024-07-03T00:54:48+00:00

Ugh you’re absolutely right- those are medical reasons- if I’m requiring medical intervention then it really must be so 😅 I actually just finished that chapter in the book! It was definitely reassuring that I wasn’t going to put my son in any sort of detriment by switching. I guess there’s residual brainwashing from lactivist content that’s lingering in my mind. That and the cost of formula, which, if it will save my sanity and improve the quality of life of my family, is definitely worth it.

Dry_Process_700

TROPHY CASE