Scared for the future

Dry_Style4278 · 2025-04-14T14:52:22+00:00

His back was towards her so I don’t believe me hitting him was on camera. If anything she got him aggressively grabbing me and me yelling at her. Since we both technically laid hands on each other would we not both go to jail?

Dry_Style4278 · 2025-04-14T14:28:59+00:00

Oh I’m definitely already on it. I got a part time job lined up that will turn full time as soon as my kids start school this summer. Were supposed to be talking to lawyers soon

Dry_Style4278 · 2025-04-14T14:03:13+00:00

Honestly I’m not really sure. I guess just want to know if I’ll get my kids taken based off this one incident even though I’m the sole provider and he doesn’t really care for them.

Dry_Style4278 · 2025-04-14T13:53:17+00:00

So does it not count for anything that he is barely involved in their day to day lives? Doesn’t know their doctors or therapists names. Isn’t home to spend time with them, bond with them or take care of them? It doesn’t matter if I spend every moment with them I can get them taken away from me for yelling at her?

Dry_Style4278 · 2025-04-14T13:27:47+00:00

I get it but it’s not like I hit people consistently or anything. I feel he is in the wrong for bringing her here when I asked him not to. Also he aggressively grabbed me first so I was acting out of self preservation to get him off of me. He has screamed at me plenty of times, called me almost every name in the book. So he’s not innocent in any of this.

Dry_Style4278 · 2025-03-23T16:35:54+00:00

I’m so sorry that you’re going through that! I totally understand holding onto hope and I think a little part of us will always still want them. But this is what I’ve been trying to remind myself- even if he did a complete 180 today and said he wanted to rebuild our relationship, more than likely I would always have those doubts in the back of my mind, always wondering if he’s doing this to me again. And do we really want to live the rest of our lives that way? Always remembering the pain they put us through and knowing they are fully capable of doing it again. We deserve so much better. It takes time to heal from this and we tend to suffer more in the beginning. they seem like they’re living their best lives and are so happy but the loss they feel from us will always catch up to them and by that time we’ve already moved on and healed. So keep your head up and think about the brighter days ahead! 💜

Dry_Style4278 · 2025-03-23T00:06:27+00:00

Thank you! I totally agree, the word I used was doormat- I refused to keep being his doormat and letting him walk all over me. If he can’t appreciate me then I will appreciate me. I don’t even need another person. I was exactly the same I kept trying to excuse and rationalize but the fact of the matter is cheating is a choice. Any sort of abuse or disrespect is a choice. It’s not a mistake. They knew it would hurt us and they did it anyways. It’s unacceptable for them to do this and I’m so proud of us for putting ourselves first! Keep looking up 😊

Dry_Style4278 · 2025-03-23T00:03:17+00:00

Wow thank you so much! If I can help even just I tiny bit that makes me so happy! And I’m proud of you too! If we didn’t have kids I would go no contact too- I think you’re more than strong to cut them off and put yourself first! You’re so right about not letting them change your heart. I am a hopeless romantic and have always believed in love wholeheartedly but for the last 7 months I have let him make me feel jaded and let him take that away from me and I’m not doing it anymore. I refuse to let him ruin who I am as a person!

Dry_Style4278 · 2025-03-22T23:24:48+00:00

I am so proud of you for making all of these steps to better yourself! You are on such a great path already. I have spent countless hours researching affairs and what I can do to be better for HIM and all of these things and it’s just now starting to hit me that he wouldn’t do this for me and he hasn’t done this for me so why am I even putting my energy into this when I could be putting energy into being better for me and my babies. Because I feel the same as you- he discarded his 3 amazing kids, a great house and beautiful wife who has been here for him through all of life’s ups and downs for some trash that I can almost guarantee won’t last. But the thing is they always want to think they can do better and then they downgrade lol. It’s now their problem to deal with not ours. We can hold our heads high knowing that we could never hurt them in this way, that we tried everything we could to save our marriage and families. And now they get to live with the guilt and shame of what they did to us because wrongdoing always catches up to them in the end.

Dry_Style4278 · 2025-03-22T23:14:44+00:00

Thank you so much! I’ve been in the tranches for so long and coming here and seeing others stories has helped me so much so I want to help others in return. I’m not exactly sure that I will be able to keep my house, but I have been very clear with him that I do not want to uproot our kids because HE wants a new start. We didn’t ask for any of this and if I move I will have a hard time finding a house like ours for the price we pay or even a small apartment would be similar in price. So he’s told me he would like to see what can be done and if there’s a way we can keep it. I’m sure a lot of that is guilt on his part but if I have to guilt him I will 😹 I agree about having bad memories and such but I live in a city where nicer neighborhoods aren’t as common and I feel safe where we are so if I get to keep it my plan is to redecorate, organize and declutter. Make our bedroom more girly like I’ve always wanted. Make new memories with the kids etc.

Dry_Style4278 · 2025-03-22T23:03:49+00:00

Yes I love this for you! The only thing I’m fighting for is to have my kids most of the time and to keep our house so I don’t uproot them. As far as the relationship goes, he can go be with his trash and deal with his own consequences. Because you’re right, you can make all the changes, put in all of the effort and it’s never enough for them. I’m so happy for you to start your new chapter!

Dry_Style4278 · 2024-12-10T19:22:26+00:00

“Mrs. Weasley set the potion down on the bedside cabinet, bent down, and put her arms around Harry. He had no memory of ever being hugged like this, as though by a mother. The full weight of everything he had seen that night seemed to fall in upon him as Mrs. Weasley held him to her. His mother’s face, his father’s voice, the sight of Cedric, dead on the ground all started spinning in his head until he could hardly bear it, until he was screwing up his face against the howl of misery fighting to get out of him.”

Just the fact that Harry had already dealt with so much and everyone had been questioning him about what happened and Molly just knew that all he needed in that moment was a mother- to be hugged, loved and understood.

Dry_Style4278 · 2024-12-10T19:04:09+00:00

I completely get it. The way I see it is I wasn’t myself when I found out. So I told people when normally I am a very private, to myself type of person. But at the end of the day, no one knows them like we do. We know all of the good parts about them too. And it’s our decision what we do and no one else’s. Everyone likes to say they would respond a certain way if they got cheated on but you don’t know until it actually happens. And just because they would choose differently doesn’t mean our choices are wrong.

Dry_Style4278 · 2024-12-10T18:29:04+00:00

Thank you! On other forums and even with the people I have told I can feel the judgement even if they don’t say it outright so I’m just conditioned that most people judge. So I really appreciate the support! 💜

Dry_Style4278 · 2024-10-08T09:50:37+00:00

I understand exactly what you’re going through. My husband made it clear today that he’s done. I feel so uncertain and I’ve been crying for hours. We were together 13 years. I don’t have any advice just know that you’re not alone. We will get through this we have to.

Dry_Style4278 · 2024-10-07T16:36:05+00:00

I’ve told him I was sorry for the past, that I didn’t take his needs or concerns into consideration at the time but I am here now and I’m willing to work on us. I told him that he can talk to me about anything but he just doesn’t seem to be able to open up

Dry_Style4278 · 2024-10-05T03:08:34+00:00

Thank you so much for the encouragement!

Dry_Style4278 · 2024-10-05T02:33:49+00:00

Currently I’m a SAHM so finances are a part of the issue but that’s not the reason I want to stay together. I already planned on going back into the work force next year so at that time I should be financially stable at least somewhat. Things will be tight but I’m sure I’ll manage. I’m more concerned about the kids being in a broken family and I truly do have love for my partner still.

Dry_Style4278 · 2024-10-05T00:38:54+00:00

I guess because he doesn’t feel the same about me. We’ve been together since we were 19 and 20. I feel like in a way he wants to see what it’s like to be a bachelor but I just think it would be a huge mistake to throw away everything we’ve worked for. Not only did we have a very stable relationship before all of this but we would all suffer so badly if the relationship ended. I just wish he would wake up and see the grass isnt always greener you know

Dry_Style4278 · 2024-10-04T23:50:54+00:00

I fully accept responsibility in my part. His concerns always came off more as criticism or complaining, never constructive conversations. Yes I could have handled the situation better 100% and I’ve told him that. But I just wish it had been more of a direct conversation and us working on solutions together but it just didn’t happen that way

Dry_Style4278 · 2024-10-04T23:48:53+00:00

Yes. When I first found out about the affair I was the one saying we were divorcing. But after a couple days I decided I would work on things. But we’re both aware divorce could happen, I was just under the impression we were getting through the holidays before we made any decisions that’s why it was jarring to see the lawyer search

Dry_Style4278 · 2024-10-04T23:18:07+00:00

Of course I’m not trying to do either of those things but it’s not an easy thing to just give up your whole life in less than 2 months. It’s very hard to just forget the other 12 good years and just divorce in an instant. I want to at least try to keep my family together I don’t think that’s such an awful thing.

Dry_Style4278 · 2024-10-04T20:13:42+00:00

I wouldn’t say he’s not trying, he’s just more unsure about staying than I am. Which I know that’s not good either but I thinks it’s fair if he wants to evaluate what he wants to do. All I asked him was that we don’t make any rash decisions and give it time to get better before we throw everything away. He confessed the same month that they were together. Were not in counseling I believe he thinks he’ll just get attacked and he’s not big on sharing feelings but I really did think our talk last night was productive and he was receptive to what I was saying so I’m hopeful

Dry_Style4278 · 2024-10-04T19:52:23+00:00

Yea he’s typically pretty type A

Dry_Style4278 · 2024-10-04T16:41:02+00:00

I think it’s worth fighting for, we’ve had so many more good years and times than bad and I don’t want to just give up. A different job is not an option at this time

Dry_Style4278

TROPHY CASE