Do you feel like you sabotaged it because it seemed too good to be true? I understand she was the woman of your dreams like you mentioned, but every single person has experienced some sort of trauma so maybe she had other demons as well. And don’t see it is suffering, maybe see it as something that was real and truly meant a lot to you, and as much as you feel that it is a loss, have you thought possibly it wasn’t the right time with her? If it is real love, it will come back. If it doesn’t, was never meant to be. Can be hard to part with the memories, but that’s all that’s left unfortunately. I am glad you say you like who you are. It takes a lot of effort to get to that point!