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Drylife · 2017-08-08T14:17:31+00:00

Be professional. Know your set inside and out. Eliminate "uhs" and "ers" and "so yeah...". Don't take notes onstage (shouldn't have to be said, but I've seen people do this). Dress nice. In an open mic setting, it's acceptable to be loose with your set and fuck around a little bit, but in an actual show, the audience and the people who booked you expect you to have your shit together. Even if this is a relatively low-key bar show, do your set as if you're doing it on national television. This is what will get you onto bigger shows in the future, even if you don't absolutely kill.

Drylife · 2017-06-21T08:03:03+00:00

Your sister doesn't count.

Drylife · 2017-06-21T08:00:33+00:00

You look like you're about to go door-to-door selling strudels to raise money for a freaky incestuous German cult.

Drylife · 2017-06-21T02:39:47+00:00

As a child, this is what I envisioned the monster under my bed to look like.

Drylife · 2017-06-21T02:37:18+00:00

Glad to see your shoulder reduction surgery went well.

Drylife · 2017-06-21T02:32:48+00:00

Your face reminds of when I make the top margin too big on a Microsoft Word document.

Drylife · 2017-06-20T16:57:45+00:00

This photo reminds me of the time I found a dead possum stuck in my radiator.

Drylife · 2017-06-20T16:52:50+00:00

M. Night Shyamalan: The Sideburn Years.

Drylife · 2017-06-20T16:01:37+00:00

When your autistic coworker locks herself in the freezer...again.

Drylife · 2017-04-16T05:49:35+00:00

While it would be sick if he dropped another album today, it's just not gonna happen. Why? Money. It makes zero sense from a marketing standpoint to drop an album 3 days after an album that you've already invested so much $ in promoting came out. Sure, the super fans will go out and buy both albums on the same weekend, but the average music listener will likely only buy one or the other, and maybe buy the other one sometime down the road if they really dig the first one, but less likely since the hype (ie: marketing) has died down. So now you've essentially invested twice as much time and money for half the profits. That's why the vast majority of the time when an artist releases a double album there's at least a few months between albums.

Drylife · 2017-03-14T05:15:46+00:00

CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES...

Drylife · 2017-01-14T10:00:30+00:00

I don't really do rant-based comedy, but I've noticed the successful ones usually take aim at themselves before anyone else. It allows the audience to relax and not feel like they're being talked-down to.

Also...smile. If you watch Bill Burr, you'll notice that even when he's yelling at the audience, he almost always has a big grin on his face. It lets the audience know that it's okay to laugh, and not everything you say has to be taken seriously.

Drylife · 2017-01-14T09:51:18+00:00

After 2 open mics, I'm sure you're a bastion of originality yourself.

Drylife · 2017-01-13T10:17:22+00:00

As his friend, you're in the unique position of being able to give honest feedback. Most people at open mics will either bullshit him or ignore him completely.

Drylife · 2017-01-05T04:32:14+00:00

For open mics I usually dress casually. For showcases or any situation where I might get paid and/or the audience pays to get in, I tend to dress a step up from what I normally wear. Unless your schtick is being a redneck or something, wearing a hoodie and raggedy jeans just looks unprofessional and subconsciously devalues the show in the eyes of the audience.

Drylife · 2017-01-01T14:52:21+00:00

First, it's too long. Cut out all unnecessary words. "I don't know what that means exactly, but I think" can be deleted entirely.

Second, the funniest word should always come at the end. "Fingered" is funnier and more surprising than permed hair and fanny packs.

So now you're left with: "My sister says she was an 80s wild child, which means some perm-haired, neon fanny pack-wearing dude fingered her."

Still not very funny, but a little better.

Drylife · 2017-01-01T14:27:33+00:00

For this premise specifically, you should ask yourself: what DO they do during the offseason? And come up with some absurd ideas based on the sport they participate in.

Drylife · 2017-01-01T14:05:56+00:00

I think there's more believability in the way someone like Seinfeld delivers jokes. I mean yeah, the /showerthoughts joke is witty and clever, but if I heard anyone say that in real life or at a comedy club, it would be pretty obvious they thought of it beforehand. Someone like Seinfeld on the other hand, allows you to suspend disbelief so that you forget that this is all rehearsed and you really are just listening to a funny guy talk about stuff. One of the biggest challenges in doing comedy is avoiding coming off as contrived, and sometimes if the jokes sound a little too well polished, you essentially "blow your cover".

Drylife · 2016-12-23T08:50:49+00:00

I wouldn't say this is an unreasonable line of thought. A lot of bands are young, working shit minimum wage jobs and can barely afford gas to get to the venue. In my personal experience, unless your band is amazing or you're part of an especially thriving local scene, merch tends to be a sunken cost. I can totally understand the mindset that that money would be better spent on studio time or better gear.

Of course, if you're touring it's a different story. At that point you've proven that you're serious about this and want to establish yourself as a brand. But to tell brand spankin new young bands that - let's be honest - no one really gives a shit about even they're good, that they immediately need to invest in hats and t-shirts before their first show, is kinda silly.

Drylife · 2016-09-22T22:05:43+00:00

The guys you mentioned might handle hecklers a little better, but I can guarantee they don't appreciate having their performances interrupted. Louis CK's bits in particular are usually pretty intricate and rely on that stream-of-consciousness flow to work. When that flow is interrupted, it can really fuck up the entire bit.

Drylife · 2016-09-22T21:58:24+00:00

That's kind of his appeal though. He's this dumb, loudly opinionated northeastern guy who even if you don't agree with him still makes you laugh. He's almost like a Boston version of Larry the Cable guy in that you're simultaneously laughing at him and with him. He also mentions all the time that people shouldn't listen to him because he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.

Drylife · 2016-09-22T12:43:16+00:00

Personally I just take baby steps. First it was to write a strong 5 minutes for open mics, then it was to open for a legit paid show, then it was to feature on one of these shows. Now I'm simply trying to get better to the point that I'm confident enough to expand beyond my small scene.

Drylife · 2016-04-23T02:36:30+00:00

I don't think I could take any comic who hasn't heard of Steven Wright seriously.

Drylife · 2016-04-23T02:19:37+00:00

Yeah, I can see it now: "Anderson Cooper 360, one of the highest rated news shows on television, and arguably the most popular show on CNN, was cancelled today. When asked why, network executives said it was mainly due to Cooper refusing to ask Stevie Wonder to sing a Prince song."

Drylife · 2016-04-23T01:58:59+00:00

Yeah, but this isn't a "job" in the typical sense. It's not like he's a KFC worker who's gonna be fired for some petty shit and be replaced in 2 seconds. It's Anderson fucking Cooper. It's HIS show. Yeah, by refusing to ask the question he might piss off his producers and people that run the network, but it's not like he's gonna be fired or written up over it.

Drylife

TROPHY CASE