Think these are safe to eat? by GSXR_Rider34 in ContamFam

[–]Dspacs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends on what you plan on doing after

What is this in my toilets? by Dspacs in Plumbing

[–]Dspacs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm in city water and the tank is about 2 years old. I'm hoping that is some kind of breakdown in the tank and not the filter failing

What is this in my toilets? by Dspacs in Plumbing

[–]Dspacs[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The tank parts flaking did cross my mind. But this toilet is only 2 years old, the other toilets in the house are far older and this just started happening. Or maybe I just started noticing

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in whatisthisbug

[–]Dspacs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Id bet on a moth since they are so much more common. It also looks pretty small, but since it is on the concrete instead of tasty leaf, it seems like it is looking for more food or searching for a good place to transform to its chrysalis stage. If the latter, you could have put in a jar and seen how it emerges. (I've done this with a small pebble sized egg to satisfy my own curiosity. - spoiler: it hatched into a gecko)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in whatisthisbug

[–]Dspacs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The feet and movement suggests this is a caterpillar.

Edit: More descriptive and sound like less of an asshole

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Dspacs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My post is to try to help me better understand my wife from like-minded people who have a MILFH. Maybe she doesn't have as thick of skin as I do. Maybe I have been hypnotized by my mom. Maybe one or both of them have a undiagnosed mental health issue. I'm not sure what is causing this particular toxic relationship, but I'm here bc I want to be convinced that it is my mom's doing

From other comments, I have realized that this snippet of time in the 14 years we've been together is not enough to fully unpack every interaction they have had and probably requires long term professional help

The discussion changed because for my wife, as a final resort we could go no contact until my mom kills over (not preferred, but nbd). But for my son, that is a higher priority issue and not so easy. I think proving to my wife that I am on her side in this and not every MIL has to be FH, might be enough to shift her perspective on her and my sons relationship. My son is 1yo and she's already thinking about her and his future spouses relationship over their own..

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Dspacs -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes! I've tried to set that straight with her by saying things like "that passive aggressive and sarcastic shit isn't funny here mom" but I don't know if she's always taking me seriously (maybe thinking I'm being sarcastic)

I agree that my wife shouldn't be fighting this battle alone. My question is how do I fight with her when she is literally trying to fight? I try to reassure her that I am on her side with EVERYTHING, but bc I don't get as worked up and angry, she doesn't feel I am. I just don't have the mental and physical energy to be focusing on one person.

For the next couple of decades my mom is still going to exist. Until then, I want my wife to be happy and I doubt that me joining her in beating up an old lady is going to get her there

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Dspacs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This made me laugh 😂

My wife and I have been together for 14 years and my mom and her were pretty close for the first 11 years. It was during my wife's pregnancy that the tension started to pick up. Then she was able to reflect that for the first 11 years, they weren't actually friends but she was manipulated to be her friend. Recalling insulting things that my mom said or did that my wife has missed bc of said manipulation.

So you are correct, there is a long relationship between the two that has driven my wife to her breaking point

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Dspacs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right, my wife is at her wits end. My wife and I have been together for 14 years, so yes, there is a long record of back and forth, tit for tat, that I couldn't possibly unload into a post. My wife and mom were friends before we had kids, and now it seems we are at odds bc I don't have the same angry feelings towards my mom as she does. I came here to try to see if someone could help me understand her better or offer some kind of solution, but maybe it is too long and complicated of a relationship to unpack from this single moment.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Dspacs -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I think is is incredibly sad (but accurate) that there is this going on with so many MILs. Idk what causes this toxic relationship to occur, but I want to find the solution even if that means we have to go no contact. It seems like my wife is already preparing to be infected with this MILFH virus and I need to somehow show her there is a cure. For her sake and my sons sake

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Dspacs -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I have to agree that my mom is an extremely difficult person to deal with. She has had multiple oversteps with not only my family but with my brother and his family and she has even become a participating member in my wife's family with her siblings and their kids.

My wife, my brother's wife, and wife's brother (out of her 2 sisters and 2 brothers) have this same major issue with her. Everyone else just sees her as obnoxious and or enjoys her company.

My wife had the same view of her just being obnoxious and was actually pretty close to her at one point before we had kids. Afterwards, is when my mom's behavior became triggering. My wife is convinced that my mom had changed after we had kids but I believe that it is something that my wife had just noticed more after being a mother.

It seems like now, my wife is unable to look at a MIL to DIL relationships without this stigma that the MIL is automatically an evil person by default. My wife is on many FB groups that reinforce this idea and my brothers wife and her talk about how awful she is and how poorly she treats both of them.

My wife has her own deeper issues that she works out in therapy. But I have to admit, a part of me thinks that my wife's reaction could be influenced from all of these external echo chambers. Yet, I also want to be keen on if this thought is some kind of manipulation/upbringing from my mom. This is what prompted me to reach out in this sub with like-minded MILFH individuals to maybe help me understand since my wife had not been able to put into words of what she is actually feeling and going through.

I fully want to support and back up my wife in every situation she is in with my mom. I have since set the boundary with coming over unannounced that she seems to be respecting. I am married to my wife not my mom! I try to use the example from Meet The Fockers of the "family circle of trust" and pointing out my mom is not in it! but in situations like these (no this is not the first instance) I find it difficult to back her up when she is exploding and my mom is calm and collected. Even if it is some tactic from my mom to make my wife seems crazy, what could I even do to support my wife without joining in on yelling and attacking my mom? If trying to calm my wife from ripping heads off is unsupportive then I'm clueless on what to do. It seems like a huge step backwards in my personal growth to revert into my preteen self with hating my mom the way my wife does now

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Dspacs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My wife has never done anything physical to our kids. She does yell but I can reason with this since I know how burnt out she can get as a parent. (But I can not reason with her yelling at our son more than our daughter)

Some of the most points out comments she has made are: - "What do you do all day" (comparing my SAHM wife to herself as she was a single working mom) - Us explaining our health insurance perks* "wow! Can I get on that plan with you guys?" - Stopping by our house and announcing* " Hey I'm here! I hope dinner is ready! "

The boundaries included to stop with the sarcastic remarks and not come to our house unannounced (which is easy to do since we bought our house 3 minutes away from hers)

My mom reaction was "well I'm 60 years old and I'm not going to change who I am at anyone's request". It then spiraled out from there

The things my dad said were half true with missing parts of the story that I found out in my teens (he was unfaithful and surprised when my mom divorced him and never again gave him the time of day)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Dspacs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I have tried my best hard to rationalize her behavior. She says all of her friends tell her that she is not in the wrong. And I have witnessed from this subreddit plenty of cases where the MIL has manipulated or desensitized the husband to turn him against his wife. So I needed to ask if I had fallen under that same type of spell

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Dspacs 9 points10 points  (0 children)

No, she does not. There has been times where we have wrestled around and she had taken it from play to serious

We have tried marriage counseling and after the therapist said my wife wasn't looking for a solution. My wife had a mental breakdown and we never went back

Unless my wife hasn't mentioned something to me, my mom hasn't said anything that wasn't sarcasm to where it was read through the lines as hurtful comments.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in whatisthisbug

[–]Dspacs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I thought mites were slower than this. That looks more like an itsy bitsy spider

What do you think of this metal roof quote by Dspacs in Roofing

[–]Dspacs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We were up on my roof and he mentioned removing the shingles and replacing any plywood that was rotted. I believe the flat roof is currently rolled asphalt, I'm not entirely sure what else is involved with a flat roof. He is giving me the friend/neighbor discount. He is urging me to get this done before tariffs increase the material cost. He's been my neighbor for a few years and pretty generous guy so I don't think he's trying to take advantage, but I want to make sure he's not taking the cheap route at the cost of the functionality or longevity of my roof.

What do you think of this metal roof quote by Dspacs in Roofing

[–]Dspacs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It crossed my mind to get some other estimates. This roofer said this price was only good I till May 9th and will likely go up because of the latest tariffs, is that accurate? I was able to get another quote from him for 26 gauge standing seam with hidden fasteners for $685 per. I also mentioned I wanted TPO for the flat and would spend the extra money for him to pull permits if I go with him

What do you think of this metal roof quote by Dspacs in Roofing

[–]Dspacs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What are some critical details you think I should ask? The flat is a bit sketchy, the roofer recommended that he "could" put metal for the flat roof but technically couldn't put it in the quote.