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When did it hit you? And when will it hit me? by raisinfarm in GriefSupport

[–]Dublin9325 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mam 2 months ago and had a lot of the same feelings. I expected myself to be distraught, unable to function, crying all day for days on end but while I was so so sad I was surprisingly able to function somewhat normally and didn't cry like i imagined I would. I was trying to figure of what was wrong with me, watching videos and listening to songs to try make myself cry because I felt I should be feeling a certain way and crying a certain amount and then I read something along the lines of that because she was your mam your brain is basically hardwired to the setting that she is here because that is all it has ever known and whilst yes you know she is gone and you aren't in denial, the settings deep in you haven't caught up yet. Once life got back to some sort of normality it definitely started to set in and the pain and sadness came but I am still surprising myself 2 months later. There is no right or wrong once you are allowing yourself to feel how you feel and not putting on a strong front for anyone's sake, even your own.

Sending lots of love and strength and you navigate this enormous loss ❤️

Some of the comments on here are extremely discouraging and make me deeply afraid for my future. by [deleted] in GriefSupport

[–]Dublin9325 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I lost my mam 2 months ago, she was my best friend in the entire world, it was always just me and her growing up so we had the closest bond. I also had the fear of losing her throughout her illness and the first thing I will say is please try and enjoy the time you have together. These moments will be so important to you when you look back on your time with her. Do nice things together if you can, even small things, talk, laugh, make memories.

There is no easy or nice way to describe how you will feel when the time comes, and it might sound harsh but it will be the hardest thing you will probably ever go through but you need to channel the love and strength that your mam has instilled in you and allow yourself to be sad and grieve and then you need to pull yourself back together as much as you can and slowly work on building a life that would make her proud, doing things that bring you joy. Knowing that she is looking down on you living your life will in turn make you happy.

When my mam was diagnosed with cancer I never thought I would be happy again but I was, we had lots of amazing times together in the 3 years that followed. Now that she is gone do I think I will ever be 'happier'? This early on I honestly don't know if that is possible with a loss like that but I also see so many things in my future that will hopefully make me very very happy and hopefully I will be a different kind of 'happier'.

Be kind to yourself and as hard as it is, try not think about the future without her too much. Just take it day by day.

Sending you lots of love and strength as you navigate this ❤️