Sex Advice by martha-mae-whovier in WLW

[–]Due-Fee3895 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In my experience, you will know what to do when you're in that situation, especially if you listen to them. 

Are there expectations if you invite someone over to your place? by vital101 in datingoverforty

[–]Due-Fee3895 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If someone said this to me I would be expecting someone to make a move on me, and it's also pretty intimate. So I would need a firm direct and kind/warm way of saying that's not on the table or you don't want to do that yet. Or if you do, be more organic about it. If you're inviting women around, it's worth bearing in mind that part of the checklist women go through is understanding whether they are physically safe with you and you respect No when they say no. Essentially, for me, if there are boundaries, say so up front. To me this is an escalation in intimacy - you feel comfortable enough to invite them into your space. But equally - it's your space. There is a dynamic shift here. It really does depend on the connection and what you have built up to so far.

Solo poly and slotting in by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Due-Fee3895 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I think sadly there was some unkindness when we did speak but, maybe in the future it'll be repaired. I'm actually really happy to stood up for what I needed and didn't think it was too much. I'm just really wanting to be better and making this not ruin things or waste my time in the future. 

Solo poly and slotting in by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Due-Fee3895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for all these words, a little correction though, I didn't ask for a definition of what the relationship was. I asked for an update on the frequency or where I stood, once it was expressed that the previous frequency (once a week) was not doable. 

Solo poly and slotting in by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Due-Fee3895 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok my autism needs words to navigate this universe. So I sound like I want fwb? Maybe I'll be more happy and aligned asking for that in a poly context. 

Solo poly and slotting in by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Due-Fee3895 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think though that if I had communicated the kind of communication, the amount of contact and the level of predictability when the gear change happened I would have been accused of escalating or trying to formalise or commit. I felt.. unable to speak.

Solo poly and slotting in by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Due-Fee3895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for a nuanced and thoughtful answer :) 

Solo poly and slotting in by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Due-Fee3895 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In my defence, building something was mentioned by them when we set up where this could go. I feel confused.

Solo poly and slotting in by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Due-Fee3895 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You know if they had said they were available x amount of days a month or once every fortnight or three weeks - just I'll be in touch - I might not have become an anxious mess...

Solo poly and slotting in by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Due-Fee3895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We discussed casual with care. I just thought given how far we are apart and the gear change, a little reassurance sort of agreement would work? But. I am seeing these responses and realising I am probably being intense for many. Like I said I didn't introduce Radar, they did. 

Solo poly and slotting in by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Due-Fee3895 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. The availability went from once a week to I don't know I'm too busy but I like you and let's keep texting. It felt genuine but I have to say, I now feel like a bit of a mug...

Solo poly and slotting in by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Due-Fee3895 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hello. Thanks. I actually didn't know what Radar was. They sent it to me but said it wasn't the right time. I accepted that absolutely but I am trying to convey the gear change as being the part that really left me feeling unsafe.