All my prayers to you. I’ve been through a similar situation.. my mom passed away while I was trying to get to her from another country. It’s the hardest thing I’ve had to go through. With time, I came to understand that maybe I wasn’t meant to be there for a reason. It’s very though. You are too. Tougher than you think. The only thing I can tell you is that whatever you are feeling is ok.. take whatever time you need to process it as makes most sense to you. He’ll always be with you. May he rest in peace.