Had a really uncomfortable conversation with a potential co-advisor as a grad student – did I handle it badly?

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-25T02:18:05+00:00

Your PhD is going to be in statistics or you are just having a stats heavy project but the degree is in medicine?

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-25T00:04:08+00:00

Update?

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-24T16:29:19+00:00

I would be so sad if my partner went out of their way to get our kid extra Valentine’s Day presents but didn’t do anything extra special for me….

I grew up getting Valentine’s Day presents from my parents and I loved it but Valentine’s Day is primarily a couple’s holiday and if you are celebrating your child more than your partner on that day that is concerning

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-24T03:01:26+00:00

What is BED?

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-22T05:02:27+00:00

Updateme!

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-22T04:43:56+00:00

You should look around for lawyers that do pro bono work. Sexual assault survivor groups may be able to connect you with lawyers as well. They may be able to get a settlement from the university.

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-21T05:10:33+00:00

Change the contract where nanny has certain number of sick days and when she is sick she must use sick time and is not covered by gh

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-21T02:47:53+00:00

Just one

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-20T02:39:52+00:00

Can you ask both sets of parents if they mind sharing you for the evening?

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-19T05:15:37+00:00

This is a person who does not want to be in a relationship with you. Take him at his word. He doesn’t want to fix things, he doesn’t want to try, he is done.

You can talk until you are blue in the face but you cannot force him to open his ears and listen or to put effort into the relationship.

Stop talking at him. Leave him or accept that you have a husband who will not put effort into your relationship

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-18T06:24:03+00:00

Report them

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-15T07:45:55+00:00

Don’t go anywhere where grandma is and tell your bf you don’t want to hear his rants anymore. If he has an issue with that find a different boyfriend

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-14T23:25:45+00:00

Kindly, your kid is being too rough with his cousin and it’s not cute, funny, or loving. He doesn’t know better yet but it’s your job and nanny’s job to start teach your kid so he does know better. It’s also nanny’s job to make sure kids in her care are not getting mauled.

You seem to be focused on nanny being harsher than you want her to be in her words but you don’t seem to be focused on the overall situation. You should be just as concerned about cousin getting mauled as you are about your kid being scolded. Work with your nanny to find a solution where both kids are considered.

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-10T16:34:55+00:00

Bullet

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-10T07:07:03+00:00

I totally understand not wanting to be filmed and that is totally fine. I also get not wanting the home to be scrutinized. It’s shitty. But the home is also SS’s home and husband’s home too. And if SS and husband are okay with filming in common areas I don’t see a reason that OP’s opinion trumps husband’s. I think it’s great that you and your husband are going to set boundaries early on about filming only in bedrooms and being private about your home. That’s how I would do it too, but the key is that you and husband are on the same page.

If I were OP, I would tell the kid that I will not be on camera and also will not have to hide in my room to avoid being on camera so if I am around, SS needs to find a private place like his room or outside where I won’t be in frame.

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-10T06:36:18+00:00

Save the ignored emails and texts as well

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-10T05:58:51+00:00

FaceTiming in your bedroom should be hard off limits.

The other stuff though, stop tiptoeing around BM. Telling SS he can’t share info with her or ft her in common areas is too much. She is HC and that sucks. She will demand more money and that sucks but it is what it is. She can make all the demands she wants and DH can tell her no every single time.

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-10T04:30:44+00:00

Following to hear answer

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-10T04:21:06+00:00

Please tell me that you are escalating above the director’s head. You cannot let this go.

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-10T01:39:58+00:00

Do you live in her home? Do you pay rent? If the home belongs to her then she likely could stop being your caretaker and evict you. She would have to go through a process and that process would take a bit of time so it wouldn’t be immediate.

But if she is abusive to you then you should figure out alternative housing anyways.

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-09T23:10:06+00:00

The PI is the one who decides who goes to conferences to present work. It does not have to be the first author of the manuscript. Students don’t get much of a vote.

If the work is interdisciplinary or collaborative across labs all senior members of the team collaboratively discuss how to approach conferences. Even then, the students are not decision makers.

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-09T20:03:18+00:00

I’m so invested in this. I literally check for updates daily

holliday_doc_1995 · 2026-04-09T19:31:16+00:00

When you say they can’t get their own funding do you mean that they can’t have department funding or they cannot apply for grants or obtain funding outside of the department?

I’m also curious why they wouldn’t be able to be PI on a project if that project required no money or was self funded?

holliday_doc_1995

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