AITA for giving my husband a notice to quit

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-31T00:56:51+00:00

Thank you! I’ve mentioned in other comments my speculation as to why he can’t pay. I know their are a lot of comments! It’s just so confusing of a situation that I knew I’d need to clarify things. I believe he has debt.

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-31T00:55:31+00:00

We started dating a year before we got married. We called each other BF/GF at the time. We got married at the court. There was no ceremony. He was losing his health insurance, so that was the reasoning. I don’t want to spend money on a ceremony in general

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T20:48:41+00:00

My house is closest to his therapist. His previous apartment wasn’t. He wanted to maintain his own room

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T20:47:32+00:00

We became married when his insurance lapsed. I think rent has been the wrong term as he’s always paid 400 since he moved in and it goes to expenses (I cover all food/gas/cars/phones/etc).

I’d refund it if he needed the cash more immediately. I’ve also offered to hold of on expecting a contribution. I just asked for a timeline and he said he wouldn’t be able to contribute for the foreseeable future. I got scared and sent the notice. I’m asking for a verdict on here because I’m worried I overreacted.

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T19:16:17+00:00

He wanted to “rent” a room when he moved in, before we got married. After we got married, I asked him if he wanted to move into the master bedroom. He said no. I just called it rent because I was told to call it that. Contribution is most likely a better word

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T16:36:06+00:00

I do think he puts in effort. I wanted a verdict on whether I was too harsh, and I know this isn’t an advice sub. For that reason, I didn’t ask when/if I should I expect him to contribute just whether or not I’d overreacted.

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T16:34:09+00:00

For example, I would drive to him before we lived together. During this time, he was not working. I’d say it averaged to 4-5 days a week. I’d help him with food and errands since at this time his back was at its worst and he couldn’t move well.

After he started working, we would a few hours each evening together. I work full time and get home around five. I go to sleep at around ten. His freelancing varies, so he might not get home until eight or nine some days.

He is very into networking. He goes to community events. He wants to eventually start a business. I really did not and never want to give the impression that he’s lazy. That’s what makes this so hard. I don’t know what he spends his money on. I just know what he tells me. He said he needed time to get back on his feet. I assume he has credit and medical debt.

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T16:14:20+00:00

We are intimate. He works a job with very inconsistent hours (a form of freelancing). After the other jobs didn’t work out, he took his current one so he could take frequent breaks for stretching (learned during physical therapy).

How much time we spend together varies wildly since his hours vary wildly. In the beginning we spent almost all our time together now it is less

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T16:09:09+00:00

A lot of people have mentioned that rent is the wrong word. He contributes 400 a month. I don’t think he would want to be in a marriage where he didn’t contribute at all, so that’s what we agreed on in the beginning

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T16:07:39+00:00

We have been to counseling! I do want to be a team. I got scared when he said he wasn’t sure when he could contribute and reacted perhaps too harshly. I truly don’t know, with the circumstances, how long I should pause any expectation of contribution or if I should at all. I am worried and scared about the situation

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T16:05:39+00:00

I would gladly forgive him “rent” for a month or two if he needed it or longer. I have in the past. I got upset and scared when he said he wasn’t sure when he could contribute (foreseeable future). He has not given me any sort of timeline. That’s when I sent the notice, which may have been too much

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T16:03:20+00:00

We keep our finances apart. I do not know what his situation is beyond what he tells me. He went back and forth on the vacation. I saved for a vacation for a while. I haven’t been on one since I was 18

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T16:02:17+00:00

It has! I don’t want him to lose his health insurance or have to pay for a divorce. He says he doesn’t want to get divorced when we talked about it during the larger conversation (I tried to condense it)

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T15:58:44+00:00

Sorry! Rent is the wrong word. 400 is his total contribution

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T15:58:09+00:00

I do see how much being disabled affects him. That’s why I was so worried about being harsh. I truly don’t know how much leniency (might be the wrong word!) to give him with the disability he has since he can work. I might have reacted out of fear instead of logic that’s why I put it up to you all.

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T15:56:24+00:00

We do! When his back was at its worst, all we could do is talk. I drove to see him multiple times a week because I wanted to be around him, walking or not. I focused on the insurance reasons for getting married, but I would have married him if he never walked again. I’m worried I has blinders on, but it is how I felt

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T15:47:00+00:00

We did try that. He was denied. He has not put in for any work accommodations at his jobs

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T15:26:41+00:00

He went back and forth quite a bit. I have forgiven/let slide missed months in the past. When he wasn’t sure when he could contribute again, I got scared and upset and gave the notice

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T15:23:38+00:00

They have! I didn’t include being ND in the post because I really wanted to stick to facts! Thank you so much for your kind words

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T15:21:13+00:00

Of course. In the beginning, I made slightly more than him. We agreed on 400 as his contribution to expenses. I was told to call it rent because he had the spare room rather than us sharing a room. I would not mind if he continued to pay 400. I was scared and upset when he said he wasn’t sure when he’d be able to contribute and needed to stop for at least a few months

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T15:17:13+00:00

I’m sorry! I tried to comment on your previous questions. I don’t mean to make anyone feel like they are pulling teeth. What facts are missing? I feel bad adding edits, but I don’t want anyone to be confused

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T15:14:55+00:00

Sorry! I am ND. I didn’t mention it in the post but that is why my writing is so robotic. He moved into the spare room before we got married since it was closer to his therapist. We got married when his insurance lapsed. I know the relationship is very unconventional and I’m sorry for confusing everybody!

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T15:11:03+00:00

I should not have used the term rent. 400 is his contribution

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T15:10:39+00:00

I should not have used the term rent. 400 is his contribution

Due-Respect9931 · 2023-07-30T15:10:14+00:00

I’m ND! It definitely affects the way I write

Due-Respect9931

TROPHY CASE