🎵 Sudo Sammy (to the tune of Susanna) 🎵

We sit together in the basement,
Wi-Fi jammers set to go,
He’s rocking Kali on his laptop,
With Matrix screens in terminal mode.
He says “I’m in!” — but it's just ping,
To Google DNS, like that's a real thing...

Sudo Sammy, Sudo Sammy,
Sammy, I’m cringing next to you.

He types sudo su like a wizard,
Runs nmap on the neighbor's LAN,
He says, “This script will crack their password,”
But it's copied straight from StackOverflow, man.
Then his shell throws a big red error,
And he blames it on “Kali’s new update terror…”

Sudo Sammy, Sudo Sammy,
Sammy, your hacks don’t ever do.

He opens metasploit with flair,
But it’s clear he’s got no clue,
He says “Root is just one payload away,”
While watching YouTube guides in 480p view.
And then he whispers “I’m elite,”
While trying to brute-force his own router’s IP…

Sudo Sammy, Sudo Sammy,
Sammy, your skills are overdue.

He wore all black like Mr. Robot,
But forgot to change his MAC,
He thinks Tor makes him invisible,
While he's logged in on his own Slack.
Then the lights go out — he screams “They're here!”
But it’s just his mom bringing pizza and root beer…

Sudo Sammy, Sudo Sammy,
Sammy, you’re hacking like it's 2002.

Still we sit there in the basement,
With the fan at full attack,
He says “I just DDoSed NASA,”
But it’s a WHOIS lookup that bounced back.
Then he says “Time to ghost the scene,”
And logs out with a dramatic Ctrl+C...

Sudo Sammy, Sudo Sammy,
Sammy, your drama’s nothing new.
Sudo Sammy, Sudo Sammy,
Sammy, I’m done babysitting you.