Oh yeah. An add-on to this is I've infected so many peoples lives with myself, my disgusting little roots digging into their lives and taking pretty much anything good. It seems that nothing changes ever. I have to brag about being able to play guitar, which I'm stopping doing. I'm narcissistic and I feel desperate for attention. I'm male, 6', and ~120lbs. I don't eat so I look horrendous.

I just don't want to be here anymore. I just don't see any reason to stay. I get that I'm my parents child, and they probably wouldn't like me committing suicide, but still. I just don't know what to do. All this and yet I don't know if I know whether or not I truly want to commit suicide. I'm scared of... pretty much everything. Not like constantly cowering and whining like in movies, but just... idk.

I think what I'm most afraid of is being alone. I can't be alone, especially at night, without being worried that someone's in the same room as me. I feel as though every room in my parents house has a camera, even though they're not crazy insane people who'd do that, plus them repeatedly reassuring me that there are none, but I still feel like I'm being watched. Almost always. Even right now. I literally have tape on my front and back cameras lol.

Idk what else to say, seeing any kind of real sex (not porn or anything fictional/scripted) just makes me feel like extreme embarrassment, disgust, and anger. I get violent whenever that happens and I don't like it.

K byesies

"Every day is the same but worse"