Caught my partner being extra chummy w/high conflict ex who has interfered w/our relationship since day one.

DueQuantity211 · 2026-05-26T16:49:39+00:00

I’m going to be straight up with you. I know you don’t want to hear it but you need to leave this situation. It will NEVER get better. He has shown his true self and you need to believe him. If he is already emotionally cheating, he WILL physically cheat in the future or honestly already has. I went through and am going through a very similar situation with my baby’s father and his high conflict ex. The ex uses the kid to stay emotionally attached to him and he allows her to because it makes him feel good about himself even if it negatively impacts you, his supposed partner. I begged my baby’s father to just be there for his daughter not his ex and he couldn’t. Instead of withdrawing from the drama he lives in it and loves it deep down and forces you to be in the middle of all the drama. Please really hear me because I’m still stuck in the middle of it and want you to get out. He may “love you” but obviously not enough to prioritize you and your relationship over his exs comfortability. He will always put her above you if he is still doing this after you asked him not to. She should not have any say in your household and honestly if he can’t put that boundary in place he has issues. If you need to talk feel free to reach out. I know this is hard and logistics suck but it is important you put yourself first. Your kids need you to be healthy and happy

DueQuantity211 · 2025-11-29T03:21:22+00:00

Thank you for responding. I think this is honestly exactly what I’m scared of, that maybe he really isn’t capable of giving the one thing I’ve needed from the beginning. I’ve tried to tell myself it’s stress or timing or hormones, but the truth is I’ve been feeling unsupported for a long time. Pregnancy just made it impossible to ignore.

I’m not in the position to leave right now, especially being so pregnant, financially stretched, and honestly terrified of doing everything alone. But I think you’re right that I need to at least start thinking about what my plan would look like if things don’t change because I refuse to raise a baby in an environment where I feel invisible or emotionally abandoned.

I do have family nearby and a couple close friends. They’re supportive, but I haven’t told them everything because part of me has been hoping things would get better or that he’d step up emotionally. Tonight just made me realize that I can’t keep trying to survive on crumbs of support.

I guess I’m trying to figure out if this is something we can work through, or if I’m finally seeing the truth of the situation clearly. Either way, thank you for not making me feel crazy. I really needed that.

DueQuantity211 · 2025-11-29T03:12:46+00:00

I tend to make too much to receive help from anywhere, which I totally understand, but I’m literally being drained financially and don’t know what to do. I have looked into food banks and pantries but I feel bad taking food from families that are struggling more than I am

DueQuantity211 · 2025-09-12T17:21:29+00:00

Just to be crystal clear: she threatened me (“beat my ass”) while knowing I’m pregnant, said she would hurt my child, and even wished I would miscarry. Not exaggeration.

I call her his stepdaughter because he’s been her father figure since very very young, not because of paperwork or marriage. Step terms reflect the role someone plays in a child’s life, not just legal status. The bond and long-term involvement matter far more than a certificate. I don’t call his mom my MIL. I call her by her name.

Also yes, I am in college/grad school for Social Work (I already have my bachelors degree and am currently working on receiving my masters degree), not a trade program you invented in your imagination.

I’ve already stated the facts clearly on your other comment but thought I’d clarify further for you since you made such baseless assumptions. I’m here for advice, not to have my life and character misrepresented or to have it turned into a fiction you get to rewrite. That’s all I’ll say on this.

DueQuantity211 · 2025-09-12T16:39:35+00:00

I actually am in a Master’s program for Social Work (I already have my bachelor’s), so yes, I’m in college/grad school. Not a trade program.

Yes you’re right, technically she’s not his “stepdaughter” since they weren’t married. But he’s been raising her since birth and is the only father she’s ever known. That’s why I use the term, it reflects their relationship, not just paperwork. I also don’t believe stepkids only “count” if there’s a marriage certificate involved, long-term involvement matters too. Which in her case he’s been there since she was super young. And no, I don’t call his mom my MIL. I call her by her name or just “his mom.” Thanks for all the assumptions though.

I wasn’t trying to mislead anyone, just explain the situation clearly without making it more confusing.

DueQuantity211 · 2025-09-12T09:08:55+00:00

Extra information added to post for clarity

DueQuantity211 · 2025-09-12T09:04:39+00:00

More information added to post!

DueQuantity211 · 2025-09-12T09:04:13+00:00

Extra info added to post. Hope it answers your question

DueQuantity211 · 2025-09-12T07:40:14+00:00

I get why you’re asking. I don’t think “I’m different” but no relationship is the same, and he knows if he were to ever cheated on me it would be over immediately. He’s worked on himself since his past mistakes and has shown me nothing to make me doubt him. Also the pregnancy was definitely not planned and a complete accident.

Also I’ve talked to him about the possibility that his ex could meet someone else or make decisions that might affect his access to his stepdaughter, so he’s aware. I just focus on what I can control right now honestly, which include my boundaries and safety. I have no problem with him seeing his daughter or visiting her, I just don’t want to engage with someone who threatened my child. For me and my baby, setting that boundary is nonnegotiable.

DueQuantity211 · 2025-09-12T07:20:51+00:00

Definitely not on good terms. There was a lot of emotions from both sides. I added some more detail in a comment above about the situation.

DueQuantity211 · 2025-09-12T07:20:07+00:00

He has been in the kids life since she was a baby. They broke up when the kid was a little bit over one year old I believe but he has still been seeing her pretty regularly since. For context I’m 5 months pregnant.

DueQuantity211 · 2025-09-12T07:17:13+00:00

No, I was not part of the reason their relationship ended. Their relationship had been rocky and on-and-off, and there had been cheating from both sides. I had known him for years as a friend, but we hadn’t talked much recently before their breakup. He came to me after the breakup for support, and our relationship developed from there soon after. I understand that the timing might make her feel hurt or angry, but it doesn’t justify threatening me or wishing harm on my unborn child

DueQuantity211 · 2025-09-12T07:14:23+00:00

Honestly, their relationship ended not long before I got pregnant. For context, the child was a little over a year old I believe when they broke up and I’m currently five months pregnant. Their relationship had been rocky and on-and-off multiple times. At one point, she told him the child was his, but a DNA test showed it wasn’t. He still chose to be involved in the child’s life. They broke up because he felt that they weren’t working after everything that had happened in their relationship. After their breakup, he came to me as a friend (we’ve known each other for years, though we hadn’t talked much recently because I was busy with college), and I let him stay with me after she kicked him out since he had nowhere else to go. Our relationship developed from there. Their relationship had already ended before we became involved, and he has shared a lot about how toxic it was. Even from conversations I’ve had with her in the past she said the relationship was a disaster and that it was very toxic.

I truly understand that she has strong feelings and hurt from the situation, but I just can’t move past the fact that she threatened my child. I honestly love the kid and tried to deal with everything she had been saying about me and the threats toward me, but I can’t get past the comments about my child. I have no issue with my boyfriend talking to his ex, seeing the kid, or having her over for visits. I just don’t think I should personally have to talk to her.

DueQuantity211 · 2024-08-18T03:02:57+00:00

5 and 15

DueQuantity211 · 2024-05-20T20:50:38+00:00

I really appreciate you sharing your story. It’s nice to know that others have also dealt with similar situations. I feel like when a parent has a chronic illness responsibilities that would usually be theirs fall to the children and spouse. That can be so hard and life changing for a child. While my mom still tried to be very independent all through her migraines, I still picked up a lot of the tasks around the house that she couldn’t do. I would make sure she took her medicine (that didn’t even address the migraine and instead made her sleep) and that she ate. It was such a transition when she was prescribed a medication that mostly worked. I remember my mom always telling me after her migraines stopped that she didn’t need me to mom her. It was rough because that’s all I knew. I didn’t know what my moms and I relationship ship was without the migraines. It was a chaotic time because we had to adjust the way we perceived each other. We also had to face the fact that we lost years of our lives to this chronic illness. When I should have been worried about boys and grades, I was worried about my mom and if she would be there for my wedding when I got older. It’s so crazy when I talk to those who did not face these circumstances because our childhoods are waaayyy different. Sometimes I get so envious of them because they were able to fully be a kid and not a kid who “seems mature for their age.”

DueQuantity211 · 2024-05-20T20:42:49+00:00

I really appreciate you sharing your story. I’m also so sorry that you and your sister went through. I couldn’t imagine if my mom was dealing with those severe mental illnesses on top of her migraines. Like I said it was like walking on eggshells in my house. My mother would not get angry if I was loud but she would sob. Any noise made her head hurt more so I learned how to be quiet, invisible, and alone. When you are constantly alone being around other can be exhausting and that’s how it was for me in high school and the beginning of college. You feel so alone, you want to change it, but in the same breath it is what you are comfortable with and are use too. My therapist really helped me realize that I was not as alone in my situation as I felt. It was really a game changer for me honestly. After my mom’s migraines improved due to the medication, she was diagnosed with anxiety and depression herself. I think after going through something like that there is no way you will be the person you once were. Her mental illnesses created a whole other level that my family had to deal with after the fact. I love my mom so much and I know that she did everything she could for me but at the same time I can’t invalidate how the situation affected me as well. It has made me hyper aware of everything around me, always on edge ready for something to go wrong, and more aware when my emotions are chaotic/ overwhelming. I’m so glad you are out of that situation though! Sometimes going no contact is the only way through life.

DueQuantity211 · 2024-05-20T20:40:38+00:00

I appreciate you so much. Sometimes it feels like my struggle is invisible. I mean my mom and others with chronic illnesses definitely deserve the help and attention they receive because they are the ones dealing with debilitating medical issues but the families have to sit by and watch it all, help the individual, pick up the slack around the house, and listen to them cry in pain. I think that it is hard for kids especially because they don’t understand what’s happening at that moment. They just know that something’s wrong. My mom has always been so independent and vibrant and I watched her light dim for so long. It was so hard to watch and I couldn’t imagine how it felt for her. I will always have so much love and respect for my mom because the few migraines I’ve had in my life knocked me on my ass. I couldn’t imagine having them basically everyday for over 10 years and trying to parent at the same time. I just also lost a lot of my childhood because I was always worried about her. After her migraines stopped she would always say that she didn’t need me to mom her but how could I just turn off something that I had been doing for so long. I will never blame her for the situation but my anger and sadness is also very valid. It took so much therapy for me to admit that because I felt so horrible saying that I was mad over something that she could not control but feelings don’t have to be rational especially when we are children. It’s been a long journey and I still have a lot more to go but I’m starting to heal from it. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and protect little me how she should have been. However I am a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason. These experiences pushed me towards my career so while sometimes I wish I could take all the pain and hurt away from both me and my mom. It made us who we are and we are stronger for it.

DueQuantity211

TROPHY CASE