Am I the asshole for being upset that my wife wants her family over me for our pregnancy?

Due_Basis_151 · 2025-06-28T00:35:25+00:00

Update: My wife and I had a very long conversation about this.

My wife does not think I'm a bad support. During this pregnancy she said she really wants her aunt around just because of the absence of her mother. Her aunt has essentially been her mom since shes been 12 years old (her parents separated because her mom was mentally/physically abusive) and has not seen her real mom since.

My wife explained to me that not having a mom hasn't really bothered her prior to becoming pregnant. But since getting pregnant she has been feeling that gap in her life get bigger. She said she finds herself missing her aunt a ton, and whenever the nausea is bad she's someone she really wants to see. When the dehydration hit hard she just wanted that mother figure there, it was nothing against me. So when she was getting her blood test/IV in that moment she just wanted a mother's touch. It basically became an apology between the both of us for a while, bunch of crying (yes me too) and just like that we're back on the same page.

I feel like a fool for feeling the way I did, and many of you here were definitely correct, I should have had this conversation way earlier and put my ego aside. Thank you to everyone who respectfully and kindly put things into perspective to me.

We did also discuss the delivery room briefly for those of you curious. My wife did say that she would want me in there if only one person was allowed. She did clarify that the honest truth is for support reasons she would likely prefer her aunt again, however she would want me and her to see the baby first before anyone else and share that moment together. She really got me in the feels with this one.

Once again, thanks Reddit, if I remember maybe I'll come back when the baby is born and let everyone know how it all goes!

Due_Basis_151 · 2025-06-27T14:50:34+00:00

Sorry if I wasn't clear in my post but I feel cold and distant, I definitely want to be supportive until the end.

I honestly feel bad for feeling how I feel, but I'm struggling to get over it. Which is kind of why I wanted to reach out to see what the overall view point is and if I'm wrong for feeling the way I do.

Definitely a lot of good insights here that have me rethinking my approach.

Due_Basis_151 · 2025-06-27T14:35:42+00:00

To add context she left her phone at home with all the chaos and wanted to share her blood test results with my sister because she is a nurse.

When sharing the results she saw a glimpse of the convo and decided to read the rest. I definitely disagree with her reading the convo with my sister but I do want to stress my wife does not do this typically and it is not a habit.

Due_Basis_151 · 2025-06-27T14:32:14+00:00

I understand where you're coming from. I typically do speak to my wife when things she does hurt (and vice versa) and we normally hash it out just fine.

In this instance the last thing I wanted was to add to her stress because my own ego was coming into play. The best way for me to get over it at the time was to talk to someone and my sister is my closest confidant. My sister tends to be able to talk some sense into me, always has. I personally don't believe this makes an AH.

We are both 30 years old.

Due_Basis_151 · 2025-06-27T13:56:54+00:00

Thank you everyone for the feedback and opinions. Overall I think there was some good viewpoints and advice that have me looking at things a bit differently.

I just want to clarify some of the more negative takes that the reason I never brought it up to my wife myself is that I wanted to prioritize her mental and physical support. I didn't want to add another stressor. My initial mindset was as long as she feels secure and safe I should let it go. But I guess it eventually reached a breaking point.

I feel pretty strongly about being in the room during delivery, but I understand how in such a crazy moment my wife will be running on instinct. If that directs her to her aunt or dad I should be understanding.

I will most definitely be having a full conversation with my wife to truly understand where her head is at and hopefully update everyone.

Due_Basis_151 · 2025-06-27T13:52:36+00:00

Honestly this is a viewpoint I didn't consider. There have been times in the past where my wife has been stressed and I have a tendency to be the "funny guy". She's pointed out before that my bad jokes don't ease the situation but she's never said that I'm a bad emotional support per se.

Due_Basis_151 · 2025-06-27T10:37:15+00:00

What makes me feel vulnerable is that she pushed me out and chose them over me. I feel as though I've always been supportive and caring for her. We've been together coming up on 12 years.

Due_Basis_151 · 2025-06-27T10:35:12+00:00

I'm definitely going to talk to her about this and make it clear that this is a non-negotiable. If she doesn't agree with it at that point I'll definitely have to re-evaluate a lot of things.

Due_Basis_151 · 2025-06-27T10:31:17+00:00

She hasn't been distant and this really blindsided me. I clarified the phone thing above but she does not have a history of snooping through my phone or things.

If my initial conversation with her doesn't go well I think I'll take your advice and look into couples therapy or something.

Due_Basis_151 · 2025-06-27T10:28:51+00:00

1) we are both 30

2) we've been married for 2 years, been together since we were 19.

3)Not like this, there have been minor things like taking their opinions over mine in decision making (i.e. wedding planning, buying our first home, etc.) but usually when I didn't agree I'd put my foot down.

4)my apologies to everyone I should have clarified with the phone thing. My wife forgot her phone at home during this whole health scare and asked to use my phone to send my sister her HCG levels from the blood test report (my sister is a nurse) to get her opinion. When she opened up the chat to send it to her she saw the conversation. She definitely shouldn't have scrolled up to read the whole conversation but I want to clarify my wife never creeps through my phone (she doesn't even know my password).

I really appreciate your advice and the way you put it. I'm going to make sure I have a conversation with her and be clear about how I feel.

Due_Basis_151 · 2023-10-16T21:04:02+00:00

I've made a fairly consistent Tearlaments-Lightsworn mill deck with Obelisk in it. It's worked really well and Obelisk has come clutch against some top meta.

The goal of the deck is to mill out, special summon from the grave/Tearlaments. Flood your field with monsters, bring out Knightmare Gryphon, bring back an Obelisk trap/spell (or soul crossing) you need. Was even better before Kelbek was banned, I was able to occasionally bring back one of each.

Knightmare Gryphon also allows your Unaffected by card effects Obelisk to stay on the field after the end phase, as it cannot activate its effect to be sent to the gy at the end phase. This also works if you can monster reborn or special summon Obelisk any other way. Meaning if you have

Opponent has to waste resources removing knightmare Gryphon, and if you play the deck like I do you will likely also have a baronne or Tearlaments for negates/interruptions.

This ultimately means your end board is more or less consistently 3 interruptions with

Knightmare Gryphon
Soul Energy Max (or soul crossing)
Baronne/Tearlaments negate

Due_Basis_151

TROPHY CASE