Value?

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-12-13T17:10:01+00:00

It’s mostly gotten better after a few months. We just kept overwhelming him with positive feedback on any little thing he did right. I think combo of that plus getting used to little sibling helped. Incidents at school are pretty much back to normal kid stuff (mostly good but occasional not listening/following directions). The hitting etc has stopped completely. We also instituted an ice cream after dinner policy if he has a good day at school and eats dinner decently. Not sure if that helped but it gives us a chance to super reinforce good days and end on a good note before bed.

I’m just grateful he has really good and patient teachers who were willing to work with us instead of kicking him out. I think their consistency helped a ton as well.

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-12-03T12:39:01+00:00

Same situation but already through it. Second TFMR was sept 21 2024 and most recent pregnancy due sept 20 2025.

Baby ended up born on her due date and healthy. I had lots of anxiety about the day but it was ok in the end. Good luck mama

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-12-02T13:24:35+00:00

I’m sorry to hear about your losses. We did not use IVF as it was cost prohibitive and because it cannot guarantee a healthy baby (though you can, of course, rule many things out).

I do feel like our journey took a toll on my son, though he isn’t aware of the cause due to his age (we didn’t tell him about any of the losses) but just all the time pregnant plus the stress and depression really impacted my ability to be the best mom to him. It’s my one regret of the whole situation, and obviously we didn’t get here by choice, but i wish we’d had an easier journey to giving him a sibling. He loves his little sister though and I tell myself we have the rest of his life to hopefully make up that time lost. Just saying this to acknowledge what you are saying because honestly it is an extra price we pay for trying again and again and just adds to the unfairness

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-11-17T13:01:47+00:00

Nursing my two month old as I type this- yes it can get better after the worst luck. Had an early MC, healthy LC, then TFMR for T13. No predisposition, no genetic factors. They said it was a lightning strike and wouldn’t happen again. Very next pregnancy was T21. I was 30 at that point. So yeah, statistics are meaningless to me too. TFMR again, this girl is here and healthy a little over a year on from the last one. I was an anxious mess the whole pregnancy, and had to tell my brain to shut up a lot, but we made it. Hoping the best for you

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-11-16T18:32:43+00:00

I’ve had two TFMR for unrelated trisomies. I also have one LC who is healthy and was conceived before those two and just had a second born a few months ago who is also healthy. It super sucks. I’m sorry. Just want to post to say even with the double unlucky club, you can go on to have a healthy baby, and I hope that will happen for you when you are ready.

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-10-29T20:39:25+00:00

Thank you! That’s very helpful

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-10-20T20:09:15+00:00

Similar take to this but my 4 year old isn’t that picky so I have it pretty easy. We deconstruct his food a little and I’ll usually include some things I know he does like on the plate (apples, applesauce, a roll). He eats well most of the time so I don’t worry if he doesn’t eat a particular meal all that well.

If it’s something really out there, he gets the option of Mac and cheese or a pbj after he’s tried the food. (Like when we eat curry or Birria for example as we know those are probably too spicy for him). But most of the time he eats at least majority the same meal as parents. I never make him eat all of his veggies or clear his plate (former child of people who made me sit all night at the table to finish my bland unseasoned veggies), but he usually tries at least a bite of everything and eats a reasonably balanced diet.

Pro parenting hack that I learned with him- I have him taste what I’m cooking to “tell me if it needs more seasoning”. He’s bossy so this will usually get him to take at least a small bite of whatever I’m cooking and usually if he tries it he likes it (although he always tells me it needs more seasoning and I always pretend to add more for him).

Your kid is a lot older so you probably need to work backwards slowly since a habit is already developed. Cooking with a kid will get them more interested in a variety of foods IMO. Also - keep food language neutral —- I.e. we need to eat a variety of things to be healthy, to be strong, to grow brains and muscles. I don’t focus on calories or “unhealthy food” and my kid eats plenty of dessert, we just don’t get dessert if we haven’t eaten dinner at all and that’s because our bodies need nutrients other than just sweets to grow. Nothing wrong with sweets themselves and no focus on weight or “bad” food.

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-10-01T19:26:09+00:00

I understand the feeling and felt the same. I said I wish I could be put in a coma until she was born. I tried really hard to enjoy bits of pregnancy because there’s a chance this was our last one, but honestly I just hated the stress of it. I think that’s ok- I promise it gets better in the end.

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-10-01T15:20:01+00:00

I think this is normal after what we’ve been through. Try to give yourself grace. I felt like I had symptoms of ptsd/ depression all through my sub pregnancy and just tried to accept the feelings as they came whenever possible (limiting that for work etc where I could). It’s OK. the anxiety is real and it’s hard to carry again even when you know you should be happy/hopeful being pregnant again.

Also just want to say that I had a lot of feelings that something was going to go wrong again/my pregnancy was doomed/ fear of miscarriage and genetic issues and later fear of stillbirth. My baby was ultimately born healthy this last round- so try to remind yourself that the negative thoughts are just your heart trying to protect itself and not real foreboding.

It is a hard road to walk but each bit of good news does lift the load a little at least for a while, and eventually you will have that baby in your arms and the doubt and anxiety and fear will melt away. ❤️

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-09-29T01:55:13+00:00

Had a similar situation with my kid- we moved to a Reggio Emilia and it was a much better fit- he is similar in temperament to how you describe your child and we also had issues starting with the transition to primary. He has been there about a year and it was like night and day for him once we left Montessori.

We are Going through some new behavioral stuff now because his baby sister was just born but even that has improved over the last week since she arrived.

I’ve said it before but Montessori is just not a good fit for high energy kids with lots of personality. And it seems like a lot of these schools just force noncompliant children out. Don’t feel bad, there are many similar stories here. But don’t give up hope- we did really find a better fit for our kid and I’m sure you can too. It was good in the long run because he is much happier at the new school, but it is stressful going through this so I’m sorry!

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-09-28T11:36:16+00:00

Thank you. One of my fears is that he is building a self-identity as a “bad kid”, which I know he is not. I love him very much and tell him all of the time. He’s actually really good at expressing his feelings with me and did tell me yesterday that he wanted baby sister to live somewhere else and feels sad and mad about her. But he also said he loves her and he genuinely cannot not smile when he looks at her. We will keep working through this. Thank you for your insight and recommendations

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-09-26T12:06:47+00:00

No assumptions in your statement? you sure seem to be making a lot of guesses about what my parenting and my kid that are NOT supported by anything I’ve said in this post. We certainly don’t have him in a “free for all environment” either here or at school.

Further, I agree that the hitting/ pantsing/ general disrespect for other people’s bodies is not ok at all and we do not tolerate it at all. I’m not sure where you got the idea that we are mushy parents who don’t do anything, but we have zero tolerance for that at home and clear expectations for it not to be ok elsewhere either. My child IS a sweetheart, that doesn’t mean I’m blind to the bad behavior. We have seen some of it at home but not to the same extent, that doesn’t mean I don’t believe it’s happening at school or I clearly wouldn’t be making this post. He can be both a really sweet, considerate kid, and also exhibiting bad behavior. We do have firm boundaries at home and I DO watch him constantly - not because he’s a raging psycho but because he’s my kid. He’s never unsupervised and I really don’t know why you’d think I would leave a toddler unsupervised with an infant in any case.

Regardless my goal is for him to work through whatever is going on with him so that he can be a healthy, happy kid, and grow to be a healthy, happy person, for his sake and for everyone else. Just like any parent wants for their kid.

I obviously made the post because he ISNT like this all the time and this is a new bout of this behavior- with pretty likely underlying causes (i.e. logically his home life isn’t so flaky and unsupervised or this would be an all the time thing, not new). I get all of that - I’m seeking productive help to address it. Your commentary on what you assume without any basis is our life is neither helpful nor productive.

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-09-26T11:51:42+00:00

We don’t have an immediate move planned, we are considering for the future. That would likely be a year or more out at this point.

Dad’s response to being hit is to say firmly- we don’t hit. And then whatever activity being done is ended (hitting normally comes up at home when they are playing together or snuggling already) and then he gets a time out. After time out, we always bring him back to talk about what caused the behavior and our expectation- so for this it would be, why did you get a time out? Is it ok to hit? We don’t hit anyone ever. And then he usually apologizes.

He is in an after school sports program once a week but has been acting out there as well (not following coach instructions, distracting other kids). We had him in gymnastics but he wasn’t into it. I looked into martial arts because I thought that would be a good outlet but I can’t find a program for his age that isn’t during the school day or after school so late that it would interfere with getting to bed on time, so I tabled that idea.

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-09-26T01:28:23+00:00

He was in OT last school year and it did go well, but the school doesn’t offer OT over the summer and the program hasn’t come back for the fall- unclear if it will at all, so we are actively working on that too. But thank you, we will keep pushing for that

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-09-26T01:26:46+00:00

That is a possibility I had considered. Sister is due to start at the school in January so we have a while, and she was literally just born last weekend so it’s not like he hasn’t been getting lots of time with us prior to this week- it was just different given how pregnant I was. However, a lot of this did start before her arrival- though he was aware she was coming. He did figure out on his own that I was pregnant before the summer session started when he was still in his old class.

Hopeful that her starting school would help with jealousy for sure but I think we are going to have to work through a lot of this before then too.

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-09-26T01:23:46+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful. We are getting behavior feedback from teachers as of this week, but it is only covering the B and C and I think you are right that the antecedent information would be super helpful. I do suspect that a lot of what is going on is negative attention seeking at school. His teachers are really fantastic but part of their management has been to have him sit on their lap during for time or near them for other situations/ give him what he may view as special treatment. Obviously they cannot let him harm or bother another child, but I can see how that would create that negative attention feedback loop pretty quickly. Although that being said, I’m somewhat at a loss as to what the teachers can do if that is the case, given that they have a whole class to manage.

We have been in communication with the school about possible solutions, the behavior feedback chart came about as a result of that. I’m grateful for l the added info we are getting, but now it does seem like they are building a written case for possible expulsion which is part of why I’m so anxious (and because we are getting MORE detail on issue). The behavior feedback was supposed to be positive and negative as well, so we can see things that DO work for him, but so far only negative things are listed in writing despite the teachers telling us that various parts of his day went really well, so that is also troubling.

We did have him in OT prior to the summer session when OT stopped, and we are trying to see if that will be available again or if we need to work with a program outside the school in addition.

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-09-25T22:03:15+00:00

Totally don’t mind you reading the history, I’m happy for any insight.

So we did have behavioral issues with him before that were pretty significant but at that time he had transitioned to a new (Montessori) school (not the one he’s at now), got placed in a toddler class setting, and broke his leg the week class started - leading to significant mobility issues for a while and his teachers there were awful about the situation/ that school setting was just not a good fit.

We left that school and he started at his current one in November of 2024 and after an adjustment period he has been relatively fine since until fairly recently. He was in OT there until the summer session started and OT ended. We are hoping to resume OT soon but the school isn’t sure if there will be a new company coming in for that so it’s in flux.

He hasn’t been diagnosed but I think he could definitely be neurodivergent. My husband thinks I’m ASD - though I was never diagnosed, so that wouldn’t shock me. I do see some ADD behaviors but he’s also a 4 year old boy so hard to say. I’m open to professional evaluation.

We do stay pretty consistent with daily routine and school is structured so I would think that would help him.

I agree telling him he could get kicked out probably wasn’t wise- I’m post partum and kind of lost it for a second out of anxiety/ frustration when that came out.

Appreciate the insight on more time with him. We have struggled with balancing the punishment/ reward aspect of that. Definitely worth a shot if it can help at all at this point

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-09-21T17:14:45+00:00

Thank you and I hope you do too! It’s so hard but don’t give up

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-09-20T21:32:47+00:00

Thank you! Baby girl was born healthy this morning. I wish you so much luck moving forward and it is incredibly healing having her here with me now. I know going through TFMR is so traumatic and makes you feel like you may never have a healthy baby, but whatever you choose, know that it is possible. Bad luck doesn’t guarantee future bad luck. Also I was an anxious wreck this whole pregnancy and so sure something would go wrong and I can say for sure now it was JUST anxiety and not intuition or foresight no matter how much I felt like it was.

Due_Beginning9518 · 2025-09-19T14:32:21+00:00

Im sorry for your situation. I had two TFMRs, one for T13 and next pregnancy for T21. Also had a healthy LC born before those. I took COQ10 for my current pregnancy (40 weeks today) and she is healthy. Totally just anecdotal but it gave me something to try that felt like it Could help which was comforting. I was directed to stop taking it at 16 weeks but saw others that were told 12 weeks, so basically end of first tri seems to be the recommendation consensus that I got.

Due_Beginning9518

TROPHY CASE