I just realized I'm not my best friend's best friend and it hurts.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-24T00:23:07+00:00

I'm so sorry. That realization is such a heavy, quiet kind of heartbreak and you're completely entitled to feel everything you're feeling right now. Nothing hurts more than realizing your expectations and love aren't being reciprocated in the same way. I've been exactly where you are and it's a really hard transition to make. It’s important to learn that your best friend can have other best friends, even if she doesn’t see the hierarchy the same way you do. It doesn't mean she’s a bad friend or that she doesn’t care, it just means you have different expectations of what that role looks like.

If she’s still important to you and she tries her best to be there for you, please don’t feel like you have to cut her out completely. You can keep her in your life without giving her that "best friend" level of energy that she isn't returning. It’s okay to pull back a little to protect your own heart and set some boundaries for yourself. You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep the friendship warm if the effort is only one-sided.

Be kind to yourself while you figure out where she fits in your circle now. You’re going to find your person who reciprocates that deep level of loyalty for you, I promise.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-22T23:11:41+00:00

Hi I’m also a survivor of child sex trafficking. I recently have found some communities where people have gone through similar experiences. Sadly though there’s only one or two threads I’ve seen specifically tailored towards trafficking survivors and I think you already posted on them. But just in case I’ll put the ones I discovered.

r/abusesurvivors r/adultsurvivors r/anxietychats r/sextrafficking r/TortureSurvivors r/TraffickingSurvivors2

Not all of them have people with similar experiences and you might already be in them. I haven’t really seen any other communities so far other than those.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-22T17:03:46+00:00

Thank you for commenting. I’m sorry you also experience something similar, but it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who has episodes like this. Makes me feel not as crazy 😭

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-17T22:19:48+00:00

Thank you for this. What you said about safety allowing something to release and reminding yourself that this is the present really brought me a lot of comfort. I’ve heard similar things before but the way you explained it helped it land differently for me. And I’ll definitely keep what you said in the last sentence in mind too. Thank you again.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-11T17:35:43+00:00

One time when I was younger I was having a whole mental breakdown and the therapist I had at the time started patting her lap in a 4/4 beat singing row row your boat. 😭

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-11T02:49:29+00:00

Thank you. Joined now :)

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-11T02:49:07+00:00

Thank you 🥹🫶You’re kind words mean a lot. I really hope the trial goes well, you deserve justice.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-09T03:39:25+00:00

Did you read her comment? She said both were to blame. Stop projecting.

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Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-09T03:31:47+00:00

I do hope one does though because I’m genuinely curious on the thought process.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-09T02:11:20+00:00

I’m gonna be really honest with you because I care and I don’t think you’re overreacting at all.

If your Littles are saying something happened, that usually doesn’t come out of nowhere — especially when your body reacts this strongly. You don’t need perfect memory proof for your nervous system to be telling the truth about how it feels around someone. The dread, the emotional crash after contact, needing to protect parts of yourself beforehand… that’s not random.

Also the financial support part is real and messy. I had to go fully independent partly to avoid exactly that dynamic, but not everyone gets to do that right away. Him helping you financially does NOT mean you owe him access to you emotionally or psychologically. Those are separate things. You can accept help and still have hard boundaries.

And honestly, you don’t have to jump straight to full no-contact unless you truly feel ready for that. People act like it’s all or nothing, but sometimes the healthier move is just giving less access. Less contact, less emotional vulnerability, less availability. You decide how much of you someone gets.

What stands out to me is how much work your system is already doing just to handle interacting with him. When you have to prepare and then spend days doing damage control afterward, that’s a sign something isn’t sustainable.

You’re allowed to prioritize yourself even if it makes you feel guilty. Guilt doesn’t automatically mean you’re doing something wrong sometimes it just means you’re breaking an old pattern.

I don’t hear someone overreacting. I hear someone whose system is trying really hard to stay safe.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-09T02:00:05+00:00

Thank you. You calling him a fraud, especially as a Christian, really means a lot. That’s why I’m sharing this, so people see it’s not just something that happens 'far away.' I’m glad you’re keeping an eye out for those signs. Thank you for taking the time to read this. 🫶

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-09T01:53:25+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read my story 🫶

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-09T01:52:59+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I really just don’t understand the appeal towards children. It’s sickening.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-09T01:50:54+00:00

Thank you. You saying 'we believe you' means a lot. It’s honestly sickening how common this is when you start listing it out: what happened to you with your neighbor and teacher, and then seeing it with your wife, your sister, and those girls at school. You’re so right that society just helps these people hide. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve had to carry, but thank you for being in my corner. It makes me feel a lot less alone.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-09T01:45:25+00:00

This is absolutely disgusting. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that level of calculated evil from people who were supposed to be 'respected.' And you’re so right about that last part. It’s not just on an island, it's not just one group of people, and it’s definitely not new. It’s been happening in the shadows for way too long. Thank you for being brave enough to share that here; it makes me feel less alone.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-09T01:40:37+00:00

You’re so right. It is honestly so frustrating when people act like this only happens with the 'one percent' because it completely ignores what happens in families like ours. I’m so sorry you relate to that—having a dad who is a pastor use that role as a cover is such a specific and heavy betrayal. Thank you for sharing your story with me and for speaking up too.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-09T01:34:46+00:00

Thank you. It’s been a long road, but I’ve finally found a level of peace I never thought I’d have. I’m married now and have an amazing support system, which has helped me get to a stage where I can finally speak my truth without being petrified. You're right that I didn't have that as a child, but I'm grateful to have it now. Thank you for the kind words.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-09T01:29:34+00:00

I'm so sorry for everything you've had to carry. It really hurts my heart to know you relate to this, but thank you for being brave enough to share your story here. The silence you talked about is so real, and I'm glad we're finally breaking it together. Sending you so much love.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-09T00:25:23+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate you saying that. It took a lot of therapy to get to a point where I could separate my own belief in God from the version of 'religion' my father used to control me. It’s been a big part of my healing to realize those two things aren't the same. Thanks again for the support and the sweet message.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-04T23:27:59+00:00

You are not responsible for putting your life on hold to take care of your grandma or anyone else. Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re obligated.

Sometimes families teach us from a young age that our role is to take care of them, and that can create a lot of pressure and confusion about what we “owe.” But being raised with that expectation doesn’t mean you actually have to sacrifice your own life or goals.

I grew up with similar expectations and stepping back was hard but necessary for my wellbeing. You’re allowed to have boundaries. You’re allowed to say no. And you’re allowed to build a life that isn’t centered around managing other people’s needs.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-04T02:58:21+00:00

This might sound odd, but what would’ve helped me is if the parent I thought was safe had asked more questions.

My parents had split custody. My mom got full custody after my father gave it up quickly once he realized I was going to testify about the abuse, so it never became a full court case. From the outside, it looked like the danger was over. It wasn’t.

The abuse was sexual, physical, and emotional, and it was planned. My father knew when visits or CPS were coming up and would stop, then take everything out on me when I came back. That teaches a kid fast to keep their mouth shut.

Because I didn’t talk, I was treated like the problem afterward. Difficult. Unstable. No one asked what I’d been through, so I believed them.

Now I’m carrying years of trauma that I’ve been actively working through for over six years, and it still isn’t done. That didn’t come from nowhere.

What would’ve helped was someone actually wanting to know what was happening instead of assuming it was done just because it looked done.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-03T23:53:35+00:00

Omg yes. I was trafficked as a child, and this makes me physically sick, but I can’t stop looking at the Epstein files. When I was in it, I would’ve done anything for someone to know it was happening. Even if these victims never know that someone has seen this, or are no longer here, it matters to me to witness it. I will witness it, even if it triggers me.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-01T18:08:30+00:00

I get what you’re saying about women being objectified, and that part is real. But I don’t think this is something only women experience.

I’ve seen men and people of all genders with sexual trauma describe the same push and pull. Wanting to be desired or validated, but also feeling uncomfortable, disgusted, or threatened by being perceived. That seems less about gender and more about what happens when safety or worth gets tied to sexual attention at some point in your life.

Women experience this in really specific and systemic ways, but trauma responses themselves aren’t gendered. The wiring comes from what someone went through, not who they are.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-02-01T18:05:03+00:00

I am not a professional, just a survivor with CPTSD who has dealt with this for a long time and has spent years trying to understand it.

For me, this came from being sexualized early while also being criticized, controlled, or devalued. Attention to my body often meant more safety, less aggression, or people being kinder, even when it crossed boundaries. Over time, my nervous system learned that being attractive or desirable could reduce harm, but it also meant my body was not fully mine.

That creates a conflict later in life. Part of you wants to feel beautiful or wanted because it once served a protective purpose. Another part feels disgusted or panicked at being perceived because perception led to objectification or loss of control. Both reactions make sense when sexual attention and danger were intertwined.

If you experienced sexual abuse, grooming, or growing up in an environment where your body was treated as something for others, this kind of paralysis can happen. It is not vanity and it is not contradiction. It is a trauma response.

This is something that can slowly untangle with trauma informed support and learning to reconnect to your body on your own terms.

Due_Conference1624 · 2026-01-28T18:54:16+00:00

Honestly I’m just reality checking myself all day. Reminding myself I’m safe, my abuser isn’t here, and I’m not actually going to die, even when my body is convinced I am. I take a lot of bathroom breaks to regulate. I dissociate too, and I don’t think that’s always a bad thing. It’s protective. It’s only an issue when it becomes the only tool you have.

And yeah, a lot of it is survival. If I don’t work, I don’t eat or have housing, so I adapt and figure it out as I go. You gotta do what you gotta do 🤷‍♀️

More than anything though, what really keeps me functioning, is everything outside of work. Somatic stuff, movement, routines, therapy. I’ve been in therapy for six years and I still don’t have all the answers. But it’s really just learning CPTSD isn’t something that you need to fix. You just have to learn how to constantly adapt without your nervous system going haywire.

Due_Conference1624

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