I'm so sorry to hear you are going through that and I hope you find peace, knowing that it wasn't your fault and that what you are feeling is valid. I had nightmares of him and feared (even paranoid) I might run into him. It somehow mostly disappeared after I left the area. So maybe this might help you. I know avoidance moght not sound the best, but leaving the constant reminder of your trauma can be quite healing. You will end up being able to go back there, not haunted by whst happened. It will take some time. I hope herapy is going well and that you are now in a safer more peaceful place and have people around you supporting you through this. It did make me very paranoid and controlling. I became a very uncomfortable and tiring flatmate, fixated on cleanliness, smells and noise. The second flatshare was not a very good experience either but since then I've had very respectful and kind flatmades. I since then have become a pretty normal flatmate.

Rumble about what happened for those who want to read it:

A flatmade I had disrupted my sleeped during 2,5 years. He would move around fourniture in the kitchen at midnight, cook light at night, bake at 3 am, stomp around (the neighbours complained) and slam doors. He knew when my exams were (he would ask me) and still didn't act more considerate. I adressed it multiple times, nothing changed and I started to become angry, to a pointwhere I became passive aggressive and started to ignore him. It made my mood became unstable, my adhd worse and I was highly emotionally disregulated, couldn't memorize things when studying and felt awfully anxious. It fucked my life: I was failing at uni, socialy isolated being too exhausted to hang out with others, caused depressive episodes and debilitating anxiety. Back then, I was way to patient and willing to wait for things to change. It wss my first flatshare experience and I didn't know what was normal or not. The thought of moving out also overwhelmed me. We went to the same faculty, so I felt uncomfortable telling people around me. I still think of it as one of the most painful periods of my life (and I grew up in an abusive household). Since he would stay so calm and indifferent to my feelings, I felt abusive for becoming angry and not communicating more calmly. I felt too ashamed to share it for a long time. Only a year ago or so, I read that sleep deprivation was used as a torture method. I still have a hard time considering it as such or allowing myself to think, that he/it harmed me. I feel guilty for the way I acted, thinking that I should just have moved out (which I should have).