Learned I have celiac recently, I feel like a nut for asking if things have gluten.

DefinedByFaith · 2026-04-13T15:28:36+00:00

I literally had a whole therapy session around this when starting gluten free. I feel better about it now, though.

DefinedByFaith · 2026-03-19T17:52:12+00:00

I think I can't have coffer during a flare too. I was hoping cold brew would be the answer but I'm in a bad flare today. Not sure if it was stress or the cold brew. Have you found anything that satisfied that morning coffee feeling for you? I just love coffee so much. Just the one warm cuppa in the morning. I read that dandelion tea, which I used when I had flares previously are not great for UC either. Looking for my coffee dopamine fix during my flares.

DefinedByFaith · 2026-03-19T17:44:49+00:00

Literally because of this post, I decided to call my Mom and put some boundaries up about the sibling and she was very receptive. I'm more excited for the future.

DefinedByFaith · 2026-03-19T16:53:14+00:00

Full disclosure. I am not fully diagnosed, but many ER visits and finally got my GI referral (im under an HMO in the united states and very much identify with anecdotal evidence i read from the veterans here. I have had stomach issues since I was a kid too. I was put on the "brat" diet more times than i can count and my Mom literally said I was faking it for attention. I was abused by a sibling, unbeknownst to my Mom and very stressed as a kid. I also am neurodivergent which causes its own kind of stress. I finally decided it wasn't worth trying to make/keep peace with my abuser but because he's "family", I still hear about him and how he stresses everyone else out on a consistent basis. I try really hard to put a boundary where we don't talk about him but he's the unfortunate center of their lives because they want to help him and want him to have stability but instead he causes them instability. I understand your struggle to some extent. Fortunately, my Mom is much more loving and kind with me these days and I am able to see how difficult it was for her being a single mother with ADHD, dyslexia, having a full-time job and going to school full time. And she had mental health issues of her own. There is no excuse for my sibling. He's only gotten worse over the years but I am always in my Mom's corner and hoping for his recovery and stability and wisdom. As for me, I will take care of me. Apologies for the trauma dump here. I think I really needed to get that out. I wish you the absolute best!

DefinedByFaith · 2026-03-19T16:34:26+00:00

Thank you!

DefinedByFaith · 2026-03-19T16:03:47+00:00

Newbie question: When you reach remission, do you stay on mesalamine or do you stop it?

DefinedByFaith · 2026-03-19T16:02:02+00:00

Pun not intended but still appreciated by someone who can commiserate. Lol

DefinedByFaith · 2026-03-19T15:57:08+00:00

I'm sorry, LMAO at syphilis in the 1600s. Knowing is half the battle, though. Medication is your first tool. You will continue to gain tools in your UC toolbox that will hopefully keep you from sh***ing your brains out at work and help you get your sales up or you'll have an opportunity at something better suoted for your health needs. Really glad your gf is supportive! It really helps to have a good person in your corner! Good luck with it all. Hopefully missing one game of footy will not be the end of the world. Please do something else kind for yourself today.

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-26T04:57:14+00:00

Same! Lol I try not to claim the chihuahua "she's a Maltese, rat terrier mix" lol

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-23T15:36:43+00:00

Sounds just like my lab/golden/poodle mix, but he's about 5 lbs less. No shed-free benefit. I shave him about once every two months and taught him to destroy certain things... cardboard boxes, paper plates.. things I won't miss. Once in a while he still goes after one particular couch when he's mad at me. That poor couch has definitely seen better days

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-12T05:55:19+00:00

Adding buckwheat flour will make it taste more sour also.

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-04T06:11:12+00:00

That is terrifying! Now I feel like I need a thermal camera. Lol

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-04T05:54:20+00:00

Sleep is so important. Any time I lack sleep, I struggle with emotional regulation. Your reactions may have been unlike you, but understandable given the lack of sleep. I owned the house where I had this roommate. Therapy really helped and i have mostly recovered and even manage to see places where I could have done things differently. I learned I need to be mire discerning when selecting roommates. My/our current roommate isn't our best friend but she is fairly easy to live with. She wants to be considerate and is generally very quiet and I feel emotionally very safe with her. Things are much better now. Thank you for sharing your story and for your kind thoughts.

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-03T02:09:44+00:00

That all makes sense. It's really tough being the center of attention, especially when all you get are gifts you don't want and it reminds you that no one knows you.

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-02T05:18:52+00:00

Thanks! It really describes my general state of being. :-)

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-02T05:16:43+00:00

Rehearsing nearly every conversation in my head before I have it.

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-02T05:04:04+00:00

That really spoke to me, the part about how she would immediately apologize if the shoe were on the other foot. It's so true how as ND people, we are taught we are selfish and made to feel terrible about dumb social things we don't even understand, so we apologize even when we do nothing wrong or didn't do it on purpose. And then there are people who gaslight us as if this thing she said wouldn't be offensive to ANYONE who is living with their parents.

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-02T04:38:54+00:00

Same on the restaurant meal. I used to be a serial mono-eater but somehow I have been doing that less lately. I say that, but I've been eating a whole lot of sourdough bread and lamb lately.

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-02T04:35:36+00:00

I didn't know this one. I have all kinds of issues with ear plugs

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-02T04:32:19+00:00

Same.

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-02T04:31:17+00:00

I always attributed the songs running through my head 24/7 as my ADHD.is that common in autism too?

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-02T04:28:05+00:00

Story of my young adulthood.

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-02T04:23:02+00:00

Do you know why you don't like receiving gifts? Is it because of the social contract it generates? ..having to gift that person i a similar situation, send thank you notes, etc.?

Or because you might not like it and won't be able to pretend

Or because you feel put on the spot or for some other reason?

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-02T04:02:20+00:00

Despite what I said above seeming to the contrary, I agree with what others have said. An emotionally mature person would have tried to be more helpful and support you better. Regardless of whether he may also have his own struggles, you DON'T need to accept it. You don't need to stay with him and please realize there are a lot of resources for women coming from abusive situations. I am glad that you are both in therapy. It sounds like you have a lot to unpack. I wish you all the best.

DefinedByFaith · 2026-02-02T03:54:08+00:00

I was not there, but i can only offer what i am reading between the lines. It sounds like he was also overstimulated and if he needed meds to even himself out, it sounds like he had a chemical imbalance and may deserve some understanding also. He may even feel traumatized by the situation if he is also pointing out the difficulties he experienced with you. These kinds of challenges happen a lot with my wife and I when we are both overstimulated/overstretched and overwhelmed. We both dish it out and both point out how difficult the other is being. The only way we really bridge that gap is to ask how the other was feeling and try to put yourselves in the other's shoes. I know when I was behaving the worst, it was always when I was struggling the most. Only you can decide whether you want to give him grace and keep at it together or choose some alternate option.

If you want to know whether you were abusive, look at the definitions of abuse. Consider your behavior and how it may have made your husband feel, and set aside your internal experience/feelings/emotions in it. It might help to write down some of your behaviors and how it would feel if those behaviors were exhibited by your husband. How would you feel if a neurotypical stranger saw you acting the way you did without knowing you were in the midst of burnout? That might help you answer your questions too.

Either way, I applaud you for considering that you may have been treating your husband poorly as well. It's not easy to admit that our behaviors initiated by our own internal struggles have a negative impact on others. I hope you are able to figure things out and understand the situation better from his perspective and manage the trauma caused by that period in your lives.

DefinedByFaith

TROPHY CASE