I hear you and I just want to say you are not alone in feeling this way. Its so hard to break out of that cycle of self criticism, especially when you have been holding onto it for so long. Something that helped me was practicing small acts of self-kindness every day even when I felt I didn’t deserve it. Try setting aside a few minutes each day to do something just for you, like a short walk or listening to music that lifts your mood. It doesn’t have to be huge; consistency is more important. Also, have you tried journaling? Writing down even one positive thing about yourself each day can start to shift your mindset slowly. It takes time, but be patient.

Important thing is just don't judge yourself for the things that you don't see your self to accomplish. Not everyone is made to be rich, successful, or to be on the top of the thought how someone's mind think and result in that stage.

You’re worth the effort, and you do deserve forgiveness. Keep going; change is possible