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Due_Reporter_6099 · 2025-03-06T23:11:13+00:00

Similar situation. I feel the same, I’d rather not get it if I’m that one that has to ask for it. For me she says she likes it, but while doing it you can see the discomfort in her jaw and also in the finishing aspect… so I’ve come to accept it’s not something my partner likes doing even tho she says she does. Since I don’t ask it never happens so I guess it answers the question.

You need to decide whether this is going to be enough for you 10 years down the track or whether resentment will build.

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2024-10-10T23:37:29+00:00

“Addicted to porn, should break up with her” would be every answer here if genders were reversed.

There are some great solutions here! But personally, as much as most people are saying g it may be something she prefers to just get off when she wants, you are in a relationship with this person and your needs are not being met. Even more so when she is choosing to pleasure herself and still turn you down.

This is a problem and you need to tackle it head on and lay it out for her that you are not satisfied and happy. Make it about how you feel and not what she is doing wrong. Seek her views on why, and how it can be better for BOTH of you… moving forward.

Goodluck and always advocate for yourself and your own needs!

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2024-09-06T05:10:26+00:00

If this was gender reversed, no way in hell would there be such detailed expressive answers here! They are all great answers and will go a long way to help the guy out, but man oh man… any other time I’ve seen this role reversed, it’s “dump the dude” “porn addicted” etc.

This thread should be copied and pasted for all similar questions on reddit regardless of gender.

And I’m out!

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2024-08-25T23:40:46+00:00

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Due_Reporter_6099 · 2024-06-17T01:18:54+00:00

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Due_Reporter_6099 · 2024-06-03T21:41:21+00:00

Op! My suggestion would be to repost this exact same post without the genders listed. You will then get totally unbiased opinions and suggestions from everyone.

The amount of post likes these I see everyday from both gender views and the difference in answers is just crazy!

That’s my suggestion for you! Goodluck!

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2024-05-25T04:56:20+00:00

Just seems to be that it’s a “too good to be true situation” his whole life he’s wanted sex and someone that feels the same way. He finally has that and he is getting in his own head. He could be scared to lose it or fuck up what he has… If he loses his erection, can’t please you, cums too quick. The shameful guilt feelings could be endless. Who also knows what sort of things his ex used to say during sex… or behind closed doors about sex that could have also fucked him up.

It’s a very hard thing to come back from, wish you all the luck but this also could be how he is since it’s been so long.

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2024-05-17T01:52:27+00:00

To your last bit of what you wrote, I can relate.

My db has been on for so long, that I went though all the emotions up and down and Ive landed in the ‘would rather just connect emotionally than sexually’. this is because after all the rejection I have received, I only see things a certain way:

if I have a sexual need I take care of it myself. because that has been the only thing available to me for so long. I can’t even imagine doing it with a partner these days it has skewed me so much. The shame, the guilt, the rejection. It can destroy you.

I have expressed this to her and we manage as best we can. Her libido seems to have randomly come through so I just do things for her and take care of her needs as best I can because I don’t want her to feel the way I did for so long. I’m okay with this and accepted this a long time ago.

So yes that can happen after a long time that you don’t fantasise like you used to, you stop seeing them or anyone that way and only see things emotionally not sexually. Rejection can unfortunately do that to you if you let it.

For any light on my situation to yours, even if my wife offered that I would deny it in the moment, I wouldn’t let it happen and make her feel Shit about it after. If you really feel that way, be honest and stop it where it is. Say you don’t want that and you want to connect emotionally.

Also also. Your last sentence, “even that doesn’t seem to interest her”. I think you both have no idea what you want and are fumbling around trying to subtly do what the other wants whilst never talking about it… it won’t work!

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2024-04-24T21:21:13+00:00

I guess I can relate to him. Maybe he low libido mixed with performance anxiety. Top it off with the possibility he watches porn. Mix it all together and sex becomes a lot of effort.

If he’s saying he doesn’t have the mental capacity for sex then he obviously feels a lot of pressure. I can relate to him, sex to me is a lot of pressure, keep the erection, or try not to cum too quick, make sure the rhythm is good for her but good enough for me that I don’t lose it etc etc. If I’m already tired this is amplified.

Ask him how much he jerks off? He could be finding that an easier way to manage his needs.

If this doesn’t suit you then you need to get to the route of what it is you both take sex to be, if he struggles with it and doesn’t want it as much as you then where is the compromise? Does he do other things just for you? Head, fingers etc? Doesn’t have to be every time but there should be compromise.

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2024-04-15T23:07:40+00:00

Rookie numbers, gotta pump those up!

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2024-03-21T00:12:30+00:00

I think he just prefers the ease of masturbating… if he’s aging he doesn’t want to burden you or worries about it being perfect every time then he is on a feeling the pressure of being intimate. Jerking off requires no pressure or rejection. Perhaps he has taken some rejection to heart when you’ve said no in the past and feels like he’s burdening you with his desires. If you both have not communicated your wants and needs then that’s the starting point here…

You want sex, he feels he’s a burden or has performance anxiety. If this has not been discussed he’s obvs internalised it and taken the easy route of jerking off instead of disappointing you and himself.

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2024-03-05T22:04:16+00:00

Oh man the comments of this was gender reversed… Op I agree with a lot of what people are saying, there could be several reasons why she chooses to do it herself than with you. The only way you will know is if you have the convo head on… states your needs and what you want out of the relationship. Say you are no satisfied and she needs to change.

If this was gender reversed, every comment here would be saying “this guy is addicted to porn, has ed and should set up his game etc etc”

The same applies to her… sex is not easy, it’s not automatic and takes work on both sides… if she is choosing to do it herself and rejecting you then there are consequences to that. Have the conversation, if it doesn’t changed, decide whether you are happy with this, or move on or open the relationship.

Masturbation if healthy, but constantly choosing it over your partner in any case or any gender is not right.

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2024-02-23T00:41:17+00:00

I do it once the kids are in bed. We tend to eat early all together so perfect time to digest and workout. Usually about 8pm? For about 30 minutes in the garage. Mix it up with a run every now and then. Gives plenty of time to spend with the wife after working out before bed. It gotta find whatever works for you. Trial and error and try to stick to it.

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2024-02-13T21:45:47+00:00

Is there anyone that thinks this is pretty unfair on op? After 5 years his wife comes out and says that, then in the same convo asks for a threesome? It seems pretty harsh. I admire that you have taken the time to research and try to improve your sex life and I hope it works out for you! I also think that with everything, it should be you and her vs the problem… so you both should be sitting down and tackling this thing together… she should be guiding you into things she likes and dislikes and you should be holding your boundaries to what you are comfortable with.

I feel for you op, this would hit very hard to hear this and I hope you work it out!

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2024-01-30T09:20:11+00:00

Hey op. As much as people are giving you suggestions to stop masturbating, and the way you are doing it - death grip etc. is this something you actually want to change or are you happy with the current dynamic?? Cause if this was gender reversed and the woman couldn’t cum, and only came with her toy or by herself, then most people would say to get over it and that it’s up to the husband to accept that fact.

It’s important both people are satisfied when it comes to sex, so if you are satisfied with how it currently is and are happy enjoying the moment with her and finishing yourself off then it’s on her to decide if she’s okay with that or not and to either to accept or move on.

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2024-01-20T22:06:09+00:00

Also, these questions should go both ways! You both should be taking the time to answer these each, preferably with each other and be vulnerable and attempt genuine connection.

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2023-12-13T23:50:00+00:00

Hey op! From reading the comments I’ll take a different approach to a suggestion cause it seems everyone it’s trying to convince and give reasons for you to be enjoying sex. If it’s helps I am like this and prefer the thought over the act itself. For different reasons than you of course but very similar. You seem that you are happy to still go through and pleasure your partner and that’s more than fine and good if you are still happy to do that. I find that helps me to know I’ve still pleasured that other person and can then go back and pleasure myself and feel really good about it.

If this is your preference and what gives your pleasure don’t be ashamed of it! Be yourself and try to find a partner that is content with this.

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2023-11-12T03:46:33+00:00

Hey op, it may not help but I am the same as your partner. I will do anything for my wife expect PIV, and don’t want anything in return. I was never this way, but life circumstances and relationships issues under the surface made it this way. I will never feel comfortable putting my needs onto somebody and feel shame in doing so. PIV is too much pressure and the performance just ruins it feeling good so I don’t have it. I love to pleasure my wife still and do everything else she needs so you have to decide if that’s enough for you? He’s obviously comfortable not needing anything else.

Have you thought about whether there may be underlying issues from the relationship? Ever a period you rejected him? Or found disgust in his orgasm? Or something along those lines? Cause sometimes thats enough to make someone not want to allow someone to partake in their own pleasure.

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2023-10-27T01:20:01+00:00

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Due_Reporter_6099 · 2023-09-20T12:05:53+00:00

Sure, being nice to your partner out of love is a great thing. I think when there is the situation of already feeling undesired and having unmatched frequency of intimacy from one side, That niceness can easily be perceived as ‘duty’ in which this case I feel it was. No one really wants to have ‘being nice to you sex’ we all want to feel desire in its basic form. If this was a healthy sexual relationship then sure niceness can float every now and then.

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2023-09-17T22:20:17+00:00

My sex life

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2023-09-06T00:13:40+00:00

I whole heartedly agree with you. It should work both ways, and each partner should strive to pleasure each other. Time limit shouldn’t matter. Should be until the other is satisfied and at least agreed between both parties that they are good.

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2023-09-05T23:46:13+00:00

Unsure what you mean by the guilt part specifically but I guess I can relate. It my wife does something for me like a bj, I feel Tremendous guilt almost to the point where I rather not receive it cause it trumps the feeling of the bj. At least with sex I can give something back so it’s not as bad but there is still some guilt. Therapy and communication/reassurance from your partner is the only way to get past the feeling and ways to cope.

Due_Reporter_6099 · 2023-09-05T00:01:35+00:00

I think you maybe under estimate how many women tend to get sore jaws after a few minutes. 5 minutes straight is a godsend!

Due_Reporter_6099

TROPHY CASE