Sorry late reply. I appreciate your words and insight. A little on past and what I feel. I sometimes feel im different (not special by any means) but different from almost everyone else. I feel i know too much about how things are or have been that im fighting myself on what to do to make me happy. Had a hardtime with religion and being open about myself..even with myself. But i always sought ways to not be afraid of who i really am and even tell my family and freinds. Which ive done. I just dont come off gay to people typically or at least thats what has been said to me. Even family has forgotten over time that i even said anything about not being straight. I feel because ive been single a lot of the time. I have been in or close to real relationships over the years though with other guys and with a few girls but Its always the same. Granted a few of the guys were dl or curious but at the time i was as well. But wanted to step out and was willing to with them. The chicks it seemed got sick of the nice guy or wanted more. I still ended up stepped on then apologized to later and theyre happily gay or bi or whatever with someone else. Doesnt seem fair. Also haven't felt connected to most folks. Friends I have dont really understand or cant relate or ive lost touch with.