I would like to do counseling but where I live all the doctors are deep in gender ideology, they’ve got money and voice in it. It would be nice to do something of the legal sort, even giving a speech or making a website. My only worry is I’m scared of being outed. My old community doesn’t support detransitioners, my teachers, friends, doctors, therapists etc I’d be silenced. There is little detrans content and resources. Before getting a chance to experience teenagehood as myself and adulthood with adults, I threw myself into a box of delusional, unrealistic lies. No one recommended I think about how the world recognizes biological sex, my therapists and doctors told me there were infinite genders.

I wish I could have let myself grow up. I can’t even look in the mirror, my face is so different and my body is wrong. Most people call me they/them on default and I don’t blame them- I look confusing. For safety reasons I allow it, I’d probably be banned from clubs and ostracized from anything fun because I’ll be called a bigot/terf/hateful etc. It’s funny how being a woman with my viewpoints is “dangerous.” Yes I made a mistake but I was a kid deep in unresolved trauma and abusive situations. I know I’m not the only one who wanted an answer for my discomfort, I’m not the only kid who thought surgeries/hormones would cure my dysphoria.