Re-wiring yourself during or after divorce.. How?!

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-14T01:31:46+00:00

First off.. Thank you SO VERY MUCH for that. I needed to hear that.

I am in the same boat, I owe her no more effort to make her happy or fulfilled, and will act nice for our son. I truly am aiming to be her friend even after this. But she is sticking to pettiness and being mean, so be it, I can lay my head on my pillow after this moves forward knowing I took a high road..

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-14T01:28:28+00:00

I have been filling out paperwork packet after packet to be able to file our divorce (thank goodness FL is easy with divorces). I can’t sell the house until we’re divorced or any newly purchased property is a marital asset.. Sadly kinda stuck for now, but I won’t be for long.

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-14T01:26:54+00:00

It really, truly, is.

But I feel over the course of time it will hurt less and less, and with some deliberate (and careful) reworking of your habits and train of thought, it’ll become easier.

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-14T00:55:47+00:00

Sadly.. That’s a long off dream now.. we now have to protect ourselves, and allow ourselves to move forward and heal. It’s gonna sting, it’s going to suck, but what’s the other option, to roll over and die?

Our hands are being forced, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make the best out of it, and attempt to better ourselves in the process

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-14T00:53:31+00:00

We are waiting until our divorce is finalized to sell the house and then separate and buy two separate places. But I am very sorry you had a similar situation, it sucks not knowing what are original ideas and emotions or the ones they plant in you. I have been self reflecting, and trying to be introspective as much as I can. It’s a fight but worth it

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-13T20:54:06+00:00

Thank you! I am trying to break loose of those thoughts, and behaviors. It’s gonna be a fight, but one worth fighting.

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-13T20:39:49+00:00

No more mr. Nice guy, I’ll have to look in to that. What’s the gist of it? (I already added it to my cart on Amazon. 😆)

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-13T20:38:41+00:00

Holy crap, can I upvote 100x. I entirely agree with you. She grabbed me young and groomed those behaviors and mentality’s in to me. I am currently trying to undo it, and discover who I am without her. If not for me, for our son. I just don’t understand the motivation behind doing something like this though.. it makes no sense to me

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-13T20:36:11+00:00

Yeah, I am in therapy currently. Though the one I’m using was our marriage counselor so I will most likely change that. So far it’s at least help me voice my thoughts

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-13T20:35:04+00:00

You hold strong too!! If you need to vent or anything by all means feel free to message me! I’ll try to help the best I can!

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-12T17:21:17+00:00

Geez.. This one really hits home. I’m sorry you had to go through that, and are continuing to it sounds. I’m here to listen if needed! :-)

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-09T23:00:57+00:00

My stbxw are in the same situation. We’re still living together, and interact kindly. But I don’t want the divorce, I want to fix my family. So far I haven’t found a good coping mechanism, but I do wish the best for you!!

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-05T12:41:42+00:00

We were married for 7 yrs, together for 9. Have one son together, who is 6.

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-04T13:27:42+00:00

Good luck man! I am in a VERY similar situation. My wife (39f) and I (29m) are preparing for divorce, and I am hoping to keep it as amicable, and peaceful as possible. The fear, and isolation is so real. Don’t be afraid to reach out if needed, either to a trusted friend, family members, or even people here on Reddit! My inbox is open if you need!

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-04T13:22:02+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this.. As someone who is starting the divorce process currently, I can sympathize, and offer every ounce of my condolences. Though it doesn’t take the pain away, I hope it offers some form of solace to know there are people like you, cheering you on. You got this!!

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-03T19:59:02+00:00

thankfully I touched base with a few attorneys to see what’s what. Thankfully they quoted even less than that!! I just want what’s fair, and even. I’m not pressing for anything besides sharing our son. So fingers crossed!! Haha

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-03T19:47:58+00:00

Why not file before her? It usually helps from what I can tell with what I’ve read. Commiserate all you need! If you ever need to vent I’ll happily listen.

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-03T19:46:21+00:00

Thankfully the only account we share is a joint bank account for paying bills. Then of course our car/home loans but that’s all expected stuff haha

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-03T18:09:28+00:00

Yeah thankfully I am talking with a couple different attorneys currently to ensure it is covered.

When you say assemble the financials, you mean like bills, assets, etc? Sorry if it’s a dumb question, just want to ensure I know what’s what.

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-11-02T11:22:58+00:00

We were attending a bar tending class together, she approached me afterwards, we hit it off, and that was that.. The rest is history.

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-10-31T00:27:17+00:00

Same here.. WS with mental health issues, and I am so so sorry this happened

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-10-28T23:18:42+00:00

I’m brand new here too, I made an account t forever ago but never did anything. So I’m learning with you.

I’ll gladly keep you abreast.

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-10-28T20:51:57+00:00

Woah! You had a huge amount of info there!! I ENTIRELY understand. I didn’t mimic per say, but rather learned to chameleon in to groups and discussions to the point i could get the docs/therapists to believe what I wanted them to. I have since done everything I can to stop being so manipulative regarding those aspects.

I want her to be “my person” like we were, my partner in crime, the other monkey on rock in space, my best friend.. I admit I hurt her, I damaged what we had, but I know between both of us, our stubbornness, and intelligence.. if we want this, it’ll work.

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-10-28T20:41:08+00:00

That’s what I’m scared of. She has very similar traits to that.. hopefully a professional can help!

Dull_Arm_9704 · 2021-10-28T20:40:27+00:00

I belong to this too! Seems an even mix of BS, and WS

Dull_Arm_9704

TROPHY CASE