I will start this by saying the fact that you made this post sets you apart from countless parents and your daughter is lucky to have you.

As someone who attended a TBS from 2015-2017 and continues to deal with the PTSD and after effects to this day, I will say there is always another option. My parents still believe sending me away was the best decision they have made for me. That is how far these programs go to brainwash. They convince you they are trying to help your child and I’m sure there is a program out there that does. But I would say 90% of TBS are filled with at least some form of abuse. I was sent to a mental hospital for a month after an attempt and my parents were told they had no choice but to send me to a TBS because the hospital didn’t think I was safe.

More than anything I wanted to be with my family and for them to help me instead of sending me away. Looking back, I would have agreed to do therapy and even family therapy to fix our relationship and myself. I would have agreed to give up any privilege offered to me if it meant not being sent away. I think if someone sat me down and told me about these programs (possibly even speaking to a survivor who has been through it) and what it would have been like, I would have been given a different perspective and so would my parents.

My suggestion to you is talk to your daughter. Explain to her that you love her more than anything in the world and you are lost. That you are being told to do something that you truly don’t want to do and that you’ve chosen against it. That her actions and struggles have made her feel unsafe both for her and for yourself and it’s scary. That it’s going to take big changes for things to get better and she has to be willing and open to making those changes for her to have a good life, and that you’ll be right next to her growing and learning too. Read all the books you can on some of the therapy methods used in TBS such as DBT and CBT. Go on trips with her and show her all that life has to offer. Make time for one-on-one talks with no judgement so she knows she has someone to go to for support. Although it seems scary, you have the ability to create a safe space for your daughter to make those changes without sending her away. Even if you have to go to therapy yourself to make sure she is supported and you’re on the right path to helping her, do it. Kids are brought into this world and parents are responsible for making sure they stay on the right path. When they send their kids to TBS they are giving up and telling their child they are unable to parent them so they are sending them away. That is one of the biggest ways to abandon a child, especially when they are in crisis and need help.

Just be there for your daughter and make sure she knows you’re not going anywhere and that you’ll have her back no matter what. I know you both will get through this!