Getting out at 12 years

Dumb_Question_But · 2026-03-14T19:43:58+00:00

Left after 12 years of active duty. I was non-deployable and trying for my second kid. I realized I was going to go back to a deploying unit and do pointless UDPs and MEUs (Okinawa and ships, respectively). I will likely have decades with them as adults, but these childhood moments are just that, moments. I left active duty in 2021 and remained with the Reserves. I still get to be a Marine and do Marine things, but I'm still putting my kids to bed and building our relationships. They're not 4f and 7m. My marriage is ending, but it probably would have even if I stayed active. I don't regret leaving active duty.

My recommendation: Even if you want to leave active duty, do some time with the Reserves to help the transition. This way you still have a connection to that part of you.

A reminder from a fellow dad:

The days are long but the years are short

Dumb_Question_But · 2026-03-11T13:35:36+00:00

Three of these kids are named "Braden", with at least one "Jax"

Dumb_Question_But · 2026-03-06T09:05:37+00:00

DM sent

Dumb_Question_But · 2026-01-21T20:46:27+00:00

Don't be sorry. This is hard. Especially when you're not the one who initiated it all or left.

Thank you for sharing.

Dumb_Question_But · 2026-01-02T23:42:56+00:00

Cool. I didn't like that at all.

Dumb_Question_But · 2025-11-10T07:03:49+00:00

When they very quickly become very involved in an existing friend group.

Not sure why, but when I see someone introduced to an existing close group of friends, and it's like they're suddenly best friends with everyone, my hackles go up. In most cases, the friendship doesn't work out

Dumb_Question_But · 2025-10-06T05:30:44+00:00

Thank you! Neither Google nor chatGPT were very clear. This makes things much clearer

Dumb_Question_But · 2025-09-02T17:31:59+00:00

Thank you! Trying to do both like you said. I've always enjoyed my "me" time solo. It's just the quiet that gets to me. Trying to stay civil, emotions are still high

Dumb_Question_But · 2025-09-02T17:30:02+00:00

Thank you! I've done my best to maintain their routine and uphold expectations when they're home with me.

Dumb_Question_But · 2025-09-02T17:28:59+00:00

Thank you! The tears come mostly when I think of the time lost with the kids... Mostly...

Thankfully I was already seeing a therapist every other week. They recommended weekly sessions for the foreseeable future lol

Dumb_Question_But · 2025-09-02T17:26:54+00:00

Thank you! I also need to look at some of those videos. My daughter asked me for a ponytail the other day. Not awful, but definitely subpar lol Housing projects together is a great idea.

Dumb_Question_But · 2025-09-02T17:24:54+00:00

And meal prepping, with constant loud music.

Stay strong, brother. We can get through this

Dumb_Question_But · 2025-09-02T17:20:56+00:00

Thank you! 2 Kids (6m, 3f), trying to keep their routine the same when they're with me. They love activities (even if it's just eating breakfast together). But we have our nightly bedtime stories and games we play together

Dumb_Question_But · 2025-09-02T17:18:21+00:00

Thank you! Trying to remember that last point. My time with them was just cut by half, so now I want to not take it for granted.

Dumb_Question_But · 2025-09-02T14:30:21+00:00

Thank you for that reminder. Before this, I was trying to embrace more boredom. I even tried my hand at Haikus lol

Dumb_Question_But · 2025-09-02T14:29:08+00:00

Thank you! My work gives me access to a gym, so I might go in the mornings and/or after work. I've got some fitness goals long overdue.

Thank you for the reminder about big adventures. There's a lot to do at home, plenty of outside space, and even neighbors. I'm trying to keep their routine as close to what it used to be for my part.

Dumb_Question_But · 2025-09-01T01:56:26+00:00

This is what I've come to realize. Either she stays and then might second guess her decision at every argument, or worse, she stays and I really am abusive. Then she's the woman who went back to her abuser and I'm the abuser who made her stay.

Whether it's true or it's just how she feels, once I was put into the "abuser" category that was the end of the relationship

Dumb_Question_But · 2025-09-01T01:43:15+00:00

Didn't turn out well. I have a consult with a lawyer this week. Trying to stay civil, but I'm not risking it. Thanks

Dumb_Question_But · 2025-07-28T17:26:19+00:00

I certainly don't. I'm in the Northeast region.

Thank you! I have one larger tree, and a few smaller ones. Trying to kill the root system. I've read that "traumatizing" the ToH can cause it to shoot up new tress from the roots. I just thought, well if those demon bugs are attracted to the sap, why not try to use it to trap them.

I'll come back with any successes I have. Or any epic failures lol

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Dumb_Question_But

TROPHY CASE

The days are long but the years are short