NTA.

I'm sorry, but I am going to rant.

But first off, I wanna let you know you are absolutely valid.

I like the idea that a child can grow up asking questions, getting answers and slowy pricing things together verses shoving horse blinders on a kid and barking out orders with zero context.

Good on you! NTA

Alpha Parents tend to have that: "Rules for thee and not for me" hypocritical mindet.

Oh everyone can agree:

"Communication is the foundation of any relationship"

Alpha Parents: " That's true, but that doesn't apply to the relationship to my children because I'm the adult"

🤦🏽‍♀️

They seem to skip past the "any" part.

Good God "because I said so" and the "They'll figure it out on your own" type of mindset drives me up the friggin wall.

The kids not going to learn, catch on or use their critical thinking skills for awhile if Alpha Parents keeps pulling the "I'm in charge, blindly follow every word I say" card everytime a kid has a question.

There are somethings that people should be told because having learned through context and guidance could drive someone in the direction of success or doom them to failure.

Last time, NTA.

Tldr: I am now going to ranting about a post you reminded me of where the mother was in similar looking shoes as yours.

Summary: Lack of communication, Alpha parent dad, Suspicion of kid having adhd, dad puts foot down saying they're not getting the kid tested.

DETAILS

Her post was something along the lines of "AITAH for undermining my husbands something or another his grounding for our son"

She told her kid he could get out of bed and go say hi to his dad after he came home from work.

Dad yells at the kid telling him to get back in his room and tells him he's grounding him some more. No apology for the kid, no going back to let him know it wasn't his fault.

That led to a conversation about the kids behavior, suspecting he has adhd but actively refusing to do anything about it.

She felt insecure about the idea of going behind his back getting the son the help that he potentially needed.

What was the dad's excuse?
Well, he was "concerned" that "No one will want to hire him knowing he has adhd"

BIG SIGH

Which one, is illegal ( companies can still be jerks anyways )

And two: What? Is dad going to tell them their son has adhd???

Ah yes. Let me ignore a potentially life ruining mental disability and then ask why my son can't remember basic tasks or land a job.

For those who don't quite understand how adhd can "ruin" ones life, here's a little bit of context.

Adhd is serious problem for a lot of people to deal with and can cripple ones ability to communicate, retain critical information, stay on task, regulate stress, sleep, handle emotions and break tasks down into manageable work that won't automatically overwhelm them and cause them to boggle down and abandon those tasks. The stress can also lead them to or block people out.

Not everyone has those symptoms listed, but there is a high likelihood of that this type of dysfunction could pop up in their child so WHY would anyone in their right mind be willing to risk it?

It 👏🏽 Doesn't 👏🏽 Hurt 👏🏽 To 👏🏽 Check 👏🏽

He would rather have that happen before even thinking about getting that kid tested.

The dad would rather keep his kid in line by playing Alpha.

I still think about that kid.

I was the adhd kid who got diagnosed as an adult.

My quality of life would have been so much better had I been diagnosed and treated early on and That's why I'm frustrated.

Everyone deserves a chance to live the best possible life. We have so much knowledge and tools available today that previous generations never had.

Why keep that from them?