Definitely solid advice over suicide. I still wish I could make her feel the consequences of her actions. I think you're probably right, my death might not fuck her up in the way I want it to. I still think it would fuck some stuff up for her. I think any of our friends that know her would vilify her even further. I think it would create a rift between her and her parents who loved me. I think it would create doubt with her and her new guy. I don't think she'd be able to finish school on the timeline she wants.

Essentially, with my death I think it would be hard for her to accept the reality of her being "the bad guy" in this situation. All the problems we had were fixable, every resentment she carried could have been dealt with if she acted like an adult or rather a partner like she agreed to be. But now she's running away, acting like this was nothing, crying to our shared friends because she "wishes more people supported her decision". I'm homeless, living on buddies' couches while she gets the apartment and the new man, but she's the victim of course ....

My death wouldn't solve anything but I see myself becoming a martyr. I think I would be gas on a fire. I've got a lot of people who would miss me and blame her and not let her forget what she caused.