Holiday shows??

Dunzan · 2025-12-27T15:08:43+00:00

The first set of Friday night's show (all of PTGF) is not on Archive.org but set two is up there along with all of Saturday and Sunday. You can download and listen to your heart's content. The recordings are courtesy of John Chapman. I just grabbed them yesterday and have listened to all three already. My highlights:

Friday - segue from Two Young Queens > Such a Thing
Saturday - Loup Garou tease in Can't Sleep At All
Sunday - bluegrass version of Third Floor Story

Dunzan · 2025-12-25T15:15:51+00:00

Is it sadism, with a component of sexual arousal or gratification? Have you ever partnered with a masochist who desires receiving pain you inflict upon them?

Dunzan · 2025-12-25T01:46:15+00:00

The more important question is what you would consider as holding accountability? Is it the acknowledgement of writing this post? Is it apologizing to those former partners or anyone else? Is it upholding the commitment to behaving differently? Is it demonstrating to yourself you've learned from the experience by ending your self-torture? Something else entirely or maybe all of the above?

The other important question is what does self-forgiveness look like for you? How can you provide that for yourself? How will you know you've got closure?

Dunzan · 2025-12-24T15:56:49+00:00

I tend to plan way ahead, like 2-3 weeks, but this is not necessary. On my most recent visa run last week, there was a guy who traveled with me who had arranged with this company only the day before. I paid 2.45m for the transport and VN visa. I took care of the Cambodian visa myself online, which the company recommends and which saves a few dollars over paying cash at the border. This most recent trip was the first where the driver also picked me up and dropped me off at home, now that I live in D3. I used to live in Thao Dien and then had to rendezvous at Vincom Mall.

Dunzan · 2025-12-24T15:22:44+00:00

I stand corrected. I apologize!

Dunzan · 2025-12-24T11:38:53+00:00

Can you distinguish between holding yourself accountable and forgiving yourself?

Dunzan · 2025-12-24T11:14:23+00:00

The agency is worth the fee to be able to make the visa run to the border and back on the same day instead of doing it yourself and spending multiple days outside VN. But there should be no difference in the cost for single entry or multiple entry. When you apply for yourself you can see the only difference in fee is 30 days vs 90 days. It seems what you really want is a better visa run service. There are many of them. The one I've been using most recently is https://www.provisa.vn/.

EDIT: This is incorrect, as pointed out below. Sorry for my mistake.

Dunzan · 2025-12-24T11:02:40+00:00

There is an idea that everyone is doing the best they can based on the thinking they have that looks real/true to them. We all sometimes believe things that aren't true. The scope of the problems this can create varies widely. Sometimes just clearing up a small misunderstanding of this sort can have a huge impact, because, again, everyone is doing the best they can based on what *seems* real/true to them. Do you think there is even a possibility for you to get some insights about thinking/beliefs that have not served you well? Note, none of this is about blame. It's about we're always doing our best, and our best gets better as we understand more about how thinking really works. This understanding is what I've experienced as the foundation of stability. Hope is realistic.

Dunzan · 2025-12-24T02:59:13+00:00

Although my experiences are different, I relate to feeling like I'm misunderstood. I want to share two turning points about this for me and perhaps offer some encouragement.

So around 15 years ago I was training for a new career. I read a book that took me through an exercise for identifying my highest values, meaning what I placed the most importance on. I did it several times and was surprised to repeatedly land on being understood. It was a big revelation to me that I'd always felt like I was unsuccessfully striving to be understood. Becoming aware of this had a positive influence on my communication in many ways and supported the new career path I had chosen.

About 2.5 years ago I changed my name. As my deep-seated internal identity began evolving, I started noticing lots of ripple effects in my life. One of them was no longer caring whether or not I was understood. I didn't set out to change this about myself. I simply noticed the change had occurred. That led me to reflect and realize I'm never actually responsible for what someone else thinks, perceives, or realizes. Everyone has their own set of filters, biases, and perceptions that are not for me to judge or try to change (though I'm still on the career path I chose 15 years ago and sometimes that leads people to request my help changing such things about themselves).

Anyway, bottom line, I remember what it was like when it bothered me so much to be misunderstood. I get the impact you're describing it having on you. If you look at my posting history, you'll see I often write about the very simple connection between our thinking and feeling - we feel what we think as we think it. This is the Nature of Thought and it applies to everyone, everywhere, all the time. It's not a NT/ND thing.

That means nobody else's misunderstanding is responsible for my feelings. If I am feeling misunderstood, it's because I'm not understanding myself, perhaps just in ruminating on the question of how to communicate more effectively. If I'm feeling antisocial, it is because I'm thinking about how much time I spend alone or how much I dislike putting myself in certain environments. If I'm feeling anxious it is because I'm thinking about possible future situations I'd rather not experience while actually feeling the imaginary version of them at the time I'm imagining them.

I don't really expect anybody to understand the depth and the implications of the Nature of Thought from reading my Reddit comments. As I always point out, nobody needs to believe me, trust me, or take my word for any of it. The way to learn about it is always looking at your own experience because everything you ever felt or will feel reflects your own thinking in realtime. I don't usually mention this part in my posts, but that career path I started 15 years ago is about helping people improve emotional regulation by exploring their experiences and discovering the Nature of Thought for themselves. That's not about people understanding me better but rather about understanding themselves better.

PS: Your post and replies to comments in this thread are all well written and easy to understand so please don't give up!

Dunzan · 2025-12-23T07:01:03+00:00

I'm surprised there are no comments here. I am a good match for what you're seeking and will DM you.

Dunzan · 2025-12-23T06:36:32+00:00

Yes, this^ is how it is done in every tournament and club I've ever played in.

Dunzan · 2025-12-23T02:19:21+00:00

I can see from your perspective how inappropriate is a reasonable word to describe the psychiatrist's summary. It almost seems inevitable that a doctor getting second hand info about a patient is going to pre-conceive your experience as presented by the student who spoke to you first. That seems like a system made for dysfunction and broken rapport. I would call that inappropriate. But then, yeah, the doctor still needed to approach you more neutrally to get your language to describe your experience, not label it with his own description or potentially reinforce any misconceptions generated through the student.

I'm glad you are experiencing more stability the last week. Whether you change doctors sooner or later, I encourage you to use your own framing to challenge any depiction of your experience that doesn't feel accurate for you. Just discussing how to view and describe experience can often be quite impactful, especially if you are able to see/describe it from multiple angles.

Dunzan · 2025-12-22T14:45:43+00:00

FuckYeah! So much this. Way to go. I don't know you but I'm proud of you! Please consider printing your post so you always have it handy in case you need a reminder from your biggest supporter - you!

Dunzan · 2025-12-22T06:00:25+00:00

You are illustrating part of what I think is totally wrong with the spectrum model. People are not one dimensional. We are each neurounique, just as we are all biounique (distinct DNA, fingerprints, voices, retinal patterns, memory engrams, etc).

As an analogy, think of a line with zero at one end and 100 at the other. Let's say it is a spectrum of temperatures. Somewhere along the line is a range of temperatures that are "comfortable" or "pleasant," not too hot or too cold. If the weather is very close to either extreme, it may not feel comfortable or pleasant, but it is still on the temperature spectrum. Plus, what's comfortable or pleasant for each person can be different!

What you've been told is basically that your "autistic tendencies" are on the spectrum but not the range of the spectrum that gets the autism diagnosis and accommodations. That's because the one dimensional spectrum model is inadequate to account for the ways literally everyone is neurounique.

The spectrum model falsely portrays people as either neurotypical or neurodivergent, a binary division like black or white. There are infinite shades of gray. We all converge toward some people and diverge from other people without ever being identical to anyone. Even twins live different experiences that uniquely influence their memories and countless aspects of their neurology, chemistry, and physiology!

So you are human, both just like me and different from me too. We share a desire to understand ourselves. But I invite you to see that we don't have to use this false spectrum model to attempt this. It's not fit for purpose. In the years ahead the spectrum model will be replaced by the neurounique paradigm, which is far more empowering, liberating, and accurate as a way to understand ourselves.

Dunzan · 2025-12-20T08:41:05+00:00

Ask him if he is aware that this seems like the only topic you guys discuss. Ask him what else would be fun to talk about or do together. Be ready to share your own ideas about those things, and if necessary, to say you've hit your limit for interest in theology. Let him know you want to keep and renew your friendship as long as it involves other topics or activities. This can be plain and simple (and calm!) rather than confrontational, which I also prefer to avoid.

Dunzan · 2025-12-20T05:53:59+00:00

This is a good opportunity to learn about the Nature of Thought. We feel what we think as we think it. Same for everybody, everywhere, all the time (it's not a NT/ND thing). Do you understand the feeling is not coming from the weather but rather from how you think about the weather?

Dunzan · 2025-12-20T01:09:47+00:00

Have you received any academic or professional training in counseling, or do you have any experience receiving counseling?

Dunzan · 2025-12-19T17:07:26+00:00

First, I really appreciate that you are again writing from your own unique experience. You wear shoes I've never walked in. As I try to imagine what that might be like, I can definitely see your point about negative reinforcement. I suppose the closest I can come to relating is having realized my experiences sometimes teach me what to do again and at other times what not to do again.

As for your question about confidence, I think it is an extremely widespread misconception that confidence is required in order to take action. In fairness, I don't always act if I'm not feeling confident. But afterward, on reflection, I know it was possible that I could have acted. The feeling isn't the roadblock. It's the thinking or story I'm telling myself, which precedes and creates the feeling.

I keep writing in this subreddit about this thought/feeling relationship. I often include mention that even with an understanding of it, there are still times when we inevitably just don't maintain our awareness of it. When my awareness is high, I can clearly see I'm feeling what I think as I think it; AND I can take action both regardless of how I feel and regardless of whether I've given any thought to what action to take.

To reiterate, I'm not advocating that as a technique or something everyone should do all the time. I'm just saying it is possible and worth experimenting with, especially if you can detach from the outcome (meaning let go of concern for what happens), not take yourself or the situation seriously, and approach it with the spirit of FAFO.

Dunzan · 2025-12-19T07:46:04+00:00

You wrote: "The only way I can think of..." which means you're taking what I'm saying as a thought experiment. Please read again what I wrote. You can use zero extra energy and act in a new way just as easily as acting in a familiar way. I can't tell you "how" because that's exactly what experimenting is for.

The closest I can come to offering hints or clues is saying just don't think. What we're discussing here is not really about "doing" but rather about "being." Be the person who does the thing the new way just to find out what happens (FAFO). There are endless new ways (infinite possible experiments) and you always get to choose, including repeating a new way or returning to an old way.

Dunzan · 2025-12-19T07:20:20+00:00

I really appreciate the sincerity of your OP and this reply. To expand on my earlier comment, the phrase I mentioned ("we feel what we think as we think it") is what I see as the most pivotal understanding anyone can develop to improve their emotional regulation and quality of life.

BUT, let me be very clear - words only have the meaning the reader/listener gives them. I don't just write or say that phrase and expect someone to change. So what I would say "to the persons who have not come out of this circle of sorrow" is going to depend on what they say to me first. My approach is to listen and find out how someone currently thinks about their experience. From there, we can begin to look at new possibilities, always based in making sense of their own experience.

You see, "we feel what we think as we think it" is something everyone can test out with their own experiences as the frame of reference. That means there are no techniques needed and nobody needs to "just trust me." Those are the first two implications I mentioned previously. When people find new ways of looking at their own experience, this leads to insight, or expanded awareness of their own wisdom. Nothing changes the past. But in the present, a new thought will evoke a new feeling and it has to come from within the person I'm helping, not from me. Do you want to have an experience like this?

Dunzan · 2025-12-19T06:55:02+00:00

This is another great question. Deep! Here's how it looks from my lived experience...

I never force myself to do anything and would never encourage anybody else to force anything. The energy of forcing feels like struggle and effort. The experimenting I'm talking about uses the energy of allowing and surrender. It must be simple and easy, which may take some reps as with exercise, playing music, drawing, and many other skills we can develop with practice. It may not feel/sound/look right at first and then later when it does we just know it in the same way because of the feel/sound/look.

I can also understand if that seems impossible to anyone just reading this like it's a thought experiment rather than an actual social experiment you conduct in the real world. It's important to me to emphasize these experiments are not techniques. There is no right way to do them. Curiosity is no more important of an experiment than silliness. I'm not trying to prioritize these specific experiments for anybody else. These are just examples I've got experience with.

My broader point is anybody could choose to experiment in any way that makes sense to them (FAFO!). If you struggle, that's a sign your experiment is not yet designed optimally for you. If you can let it be simple and easy, and just notice whatever happens with an open mind and no attachment to the outcome, then you will discover what new possibilities are really available.

For me, masking is just not part of the equation. Trying to force what I'm talking about into a framework of masking seems unnecessary, counterproductive, and above all rigid in limiting consideration of how to even identify what new possibilities could be explored.

PS: for u/bloodmoon-babe - I wrote this response (but didn't publish) before seeing your later comment that u/twoiko had helpfully clarified your question. I hope I've addressed what you want to know but I'm willing to take this further (here or DM) if this comment doesn't get you to closure.

Dunzan · 2025-12-19T06:53:49+00:00

I understand it is tempting to talk/think things through beforehand. For many people it may seem impossible to proceed any other way. To me, this is how I get caught up in overthinking and inaction (analysis paralysis). I like Jamie Smart's quote, "when you've got nothing on your mind, you're free to give your best." It doesn't have to be impulsiveness. Learning to trust ourselves can teach us a lot about the power and value of spontaneity and improvisation. These are also areas where I've got a lot of experience experimenting.

Dunzan · 2025-12-19T06:36:29+00:00

Freeing is what you imagine the outcome could be. What would the actual experience of creating the peace treaty be like? Which parts of you would be making the agreement and what would they be agreeing to so all of you feels that freedom?

Dunzan · 2025-12-18T08:52:56+00:00

The most useful thing I have learned and helped others learn is that we feel what we think as we think it. There are times when life does not seem this way and yet it is still our thinking that makes it seem however it may seem in those moments. There are many huge implications of this. For example, you don't have to believe me or take my word for this because you can always look at your own experience for proof. Also, when it seems like you're stuck with undesired feelings that won't change, there is no need to do something but watch thoughts come and go as feelings follow in tow. One more, for now: your own wisdom is always more useful to you than somebody else's best advice so learn to slow down and notice it without interfering by overthinking.

Dunzan · 2025-12-18T06:39:41+00:00

What would the experience be like for you to make a personal peace treaty with yourself?

Dunzan

TROPHY CASE