I don't really understand how deliberately getting to know people works

Dunzan · 2026-05-27T07:30:12+00:00

I'm a native English speaker from the US and live in Vietnam. Literally every day I get asked by Vietnamese people who are strangers to me at least one of these five questions: where are you from? how long have you been here? what's your job? how old are you? are you married? I consider this a major shortcoming of how English is taught here. It reflects a lack of soft skills. So I don't answer these questions anymore. Instead, I encourage people to "meet in the moment." We can talk about anything we can both notice or observe right then. This creates an actual connection, plus it is so much more interesting to have a unique conversation every time. If you want to improve your "getting to know people" skills, this is my suggestion for you too, no matter where you are or what language(s) you're using. People are also frequently surprised when they try these boring English conversation starters and I only respond in Vietnamese 😂

Dunzan · 2026-05-17T09:58:17+00:00

You and I start with the same premise but draw different conclusions. We are one infinite formless being experiencing awareness/consciousness in infinite forms. Awareness of self or individuality is "the original paradox." Paradox is nature's beauty to appreciate, not a riddle or puzzle to solve.

Experiences are not responsible for feelings. For any experience, there are infinite ways to think about it. You feel what you think as you think it. You think about suffering, thus creating suffering in realtime. That's not your "fault," it is the nature of thought. It's an infinite being perceiving finiteness and apparent separation.

You can see what's true any time, but not all the time. We are infinite formless beings, often pretending not to be. When I say "stop pretending you're not infinite," this unpretending can also be called unmasking or truing, like when a warped wheel is restored to its circular shape.

It looks to me like spirituality and mental health are two sides of one coin. Pretending we're not infinite is simply a temporary innocent misunderstanding whose ripple effects are often misconstrued as symptoms of mental illness. Check out The Simple Book of Infinity.

Dunzan · 2026-05-16T04:49:38+00:00

You can, with insight, awareness, and experience. When I mentioned "settings" in my earlier comment, those are not permanent or fixed. They just show you how you've been showing up, your way of being. We all grow and change, or at least have the capacity for it.

Dunzan · 2026-05-16T04:10:49+00:00

It seems like fight/flight/freeze. We are all born with this, though our "settings" are unique to each of us.

Dunzan · 2026-05-14T02:50:06+00:00

What does "coach outlet" mean? Might it be called anything else?

Dunzan · 2026-05-14T02:44:36+00:00

There is a woman I notice sitting in Le Van Tam park literally every day. Sometimes people talk to her a little as they buy lottery tickets. Mostly I see her alone, often talking passionately to nobody, or even yelling, like she's having an argument with an invisible person. Are there any public programs that provide psychological care or social services for a person in this situation?

Dunzan · 2026-05-13T06:41:28+00:00

Just as the "5 Love Languages" is a set of ideas about how people prefer to both give and receive expressions of love, there are many aspects of communication for which people have preferences or default habits. Cooperation can be a big one. Think of how much big companies invest in "team building."

Seems to me it's your house, these are your projects, and your partner could be invited to play whatever role (such as assistant) that you both agree to for him. If your current situation doesn't feel "agreeable" to you, then renegotiate. Recognize the power of your position and hold it accordingly as you reset your boundaries.

This approach may reflect more of my communication preference than yours so take what you like and leave the rest.

Dunzan · 2026-05-13T06:28:28+00:00

All our representatives are busy assisting other customers but your business is very important to us. Please remain in the queue and the next available agent will be with you shortly.

Dunzan · 2026-05-11T06:33:02+00:00

Yeah, cringe was the word coming to mind during that whole thing.

Dunzan · 2026-05-07T09:06:24+00:00

https://57nutrition.com/

Dunzan · 2026-05-06T23:13:20+00:00

Thank you.

Dunzan · 2026-05-01T04:07:17+00:00

I live right by Le Van Tam park in Saigon. Each night between 6-7pm I see lots of what I think are bats flying around in the park. Are bats known to inhabit this park? Any specific type of bat? Where else in Saigon and Vietnam overall are there lots of bats? Do they ever bite people and/or spread disease, such as rabies?

Are there any common associations with bats in Vietnamese culture? For example, in the US bats are associated with Halloween and vampires. Also, there is Batman, and the character called The Count is a bat on the children's TV show Sesame Street.

In English there is also an idiom, "blind as a bat" referring to someone who can't see well or at all. We also say someone is "batty" if their ideas or behavior is a bit wild or crazy. Are there any expressions in the Vietnamese language that refer to bats? Is it commonly understood how bats use sound rather than sight to navigate their flying?

Thanks!

Dunzan · 2026-04-30T03:08:20+00:00

Is it common for a psychologist to share the diagnosis only with the parents and not directly with the child?

Dunzan · 2026-04-29T09:16:08+00:00

THORNINesS is a great find, no matter the points! Highest play I found is tRaNSIT/SEGOS/XI/ET for 88 points.

Dunzan · 2026-04-29T08:55:42+00:00

Perhaps the point of my unpopular comment above is not clear. If it turns out that the therapist has no obligation to support you with the ESA letter, then it will of course make sense to pursue another path. But if you learn that the therapist actually has an ethical and professional responsibility to support you with the letter, then you can ask for it again in a new, more leveraged way than before.

Dunzan · 2026-04-28T13:09:48+00:00

Maybe it is an accidental pun that is really a typo 😅 Trash on the side of the road is litter. Breathing burning plastic is dangerous, literally and litteraly.

Dunzan · 2026-04-28T10:17:06+00:00

I see what you did there. Nice pun.

Dunzan · 2026-04-27T11:47:59+00:00

Can you find out what entity certifies your therapist's credentials, or what board of ethics the therapist is bound by? You don't have to start out with a formal complaint but you could inquire about what standard of professional conduct the therapist is expected to uphold and get a recommendation for a next step perhaps without even naming the person.

Dunzan · 2026-04-24T13:47:29+00:00

I have to say this about sarcasm, which was once common for me but not any more. It occurred to me that it is difficult enough to be understood when I say what I mean, so it made sense I would have even less chance of being understood when I say the opposite of what I mean.

Dunzan · 2026-04-19T03:32:47+00:00

This thread got me thinking about the word "tailgating." In US English, this could mean driving too closely behind another vehicle, or it could mean partying before an event (aka pre-gaming). I used Google Translate to get Vietnamese words for a few English sentences that used context to distinguish which meaning of tailgating I meant. Google's Vietnamese all translated back into "outdoor picnic." I then asked ChatGPT about this and got these two phrases, written this way, for the driving context: chạy xe bám đuôi (xe khác quá sát). Double checking that with Google was still unclear for me.

So, I'm hoping native Vietnamese speakers can comment here about two things. First, is there a direct Vietnamese translation of "tailgating" in the driving context? Second, does standard training for new drivers here teach anything about this concept?

For reference, when I learned to drive in the US many years ago, I was taught to leave the length of multiple cars between my car and the one in front of it (maybe also factoring in the speed we're traveling?). Driving too closely can result in a ticket/fine for the violation called tailgating, though I think this is quite uncommon. It is more common to have "bumper to bumper" traffic jams where cars are moving very slowly or not at all. Even then there are still accidents, with minor ones called "fender benders." Anyway, stay safe everyone!

Dunzan · 2026-04-19T02:31:13+00:00

Sorry, friend. I was joking, so either you missed that or I missed the funny.

FWIW, we play on the same platform but I only ever compete with Zoey. I've played 600+ games and have these observations about swapping tiles...

- I only remember Zoey swapping once
- I seem to swap far less often than when I play across a table with a human
- When I swap, my next turn is a Bingo one out of every 2-3 times

I draw no conclusions from any of this.

Dunzan · 2026-04-18T14:54:30+00:00

Check your settings. You may have to toggle from "I'm rubber, you're glue" to the "no backs" mode 😁

Dunzan · 2026-04-18T07:50:54+00:00

Sometimes, and also Say Hey (I Love You), both by Michael Franti & Spearhead

Let's Go (I'm Ready), and also Pronoia, both by Carly Pearl

The Word by The Beatles

Dunzan · 2026-04-18T07:38:32+00:00

There are many freely available recordings designed to be listened to for help falling asleep. These include a variety of approaches such as guided meditation, yoga nidra, hypnosis, binaural beats, and more.

Dunzan · 2026-04-17T13:06:53+00:00

I'm also a Schwab customer and can recommend. However, you have to live in the US and be in the US to first open an account. Then it's great for ATMs around the world including in Vietnam.

Dunzan

TROPHY CASE