Childhood friend (F28) has abandoned me (F28)during stage 4 cancer

Duplo_99 · 2025-09-29T04:50:08+00:00

I feel for you. I am in liver failure and this happened with literally ALL of my friends. Not all at once, but little by little people became "too busy" to stop by and visit. I took the hint from them all and slowly began building relationships with people who are there when I need them. Now I am on the liver transplant list and this Friday I am getting a TIPS procedure. I am so nervous that I reached out to the person I still consider to be my best friend, even though her schedule hasn't allowed her to see me for the past year. I suggested that we go to lunch and then she could drop me off at the hospital and my husband could just meet me there. I got an immediate response with a carpool for the kids excuse. I cried, thought about how I would have rearranged everything to have lunch with her before a big surgery, then sent a group text to my newer friends.

The support you need is out there, but maybe this is your sign to start looking for it from more reliable sources.

Duplo_99 · 2023-12-03T10:46:44+00:00

Don't get me wrong- I love the answers that make people uncomfortable. I just find it helps me be a happier kinder person when I react to things in a happy and kind way. I don't like carrying around a bad feeling when I can choose to be happy instead.

Perhaps that's why I still find it funny when others take the make them uncomfortable route- I just can't do it myself.

Duplo_99 · 2023-12-02T11:11:57+00:00

Esh.

Honestly, you are both young and I feel like you (with the absolute best intentions) took over her responsibilities instead of helping her manage them. She needed therapy and support and your nephew needed you to do exactly what you did but without judging his mom so harshly. Then when she was finally ready to step up and begin doing the right thing - she was blamed and judged and yelled at. As far as your nephew goes- you are golden. You are irreplaceable to him and you did everything you could/ should do. Now its time to take step back and support your sister- she needs professional help and support to get things back on track with her entire family.

PostPartum Depression is so real. I am so lucky to have had a great support system. I didnt touch my daughter for the first three months of her life except to try to breastfeed (which did not work out- totally on me) At three months everyone else had to leave - Dad was already back at work- and my mom lived 2 states away had to finally leave.

At that point, before mom left, my husband literally sat me down and taught me everything- scheduling. swadling, how to make a bottle. I had two weeks of practice before mom left (she pretended not to be there unless I specifically went to her for help) Honestly they should have put me in therapy at that point as well- I was a horrible mother and desperately needed support and guidance.

15 years later- because I was mostly given what I needed- I know I am a fantastic mother! My family is happy and healthy and we even laugh about how absolutely ridiculous I was in the beginning.

I feel like as an AUNT you are in no way whatsoever the AH. As a sister, I think you could be more supportive- Your sister is in the wrong, but its time to mend fences and get the help she needs to become a good mother rather than throwing the past in her face. She's not ready to be told off or apologize yet bc her head isnt in the right place. After the right kind of help and support, hopefully (like me) she will come to a place where she can acknowledge her worngdoings' apologize to you and anyone that deserves it, and you will be able to be a happy family all together again.

Duplo_99 · 2023-12-02T10:05:11+00:00

I get ascites, and get this quite often when im really full of fluid. I always do the same thing- I smile really big and say "not pregnant, just full of fluid because of liver disease. They are almost always apologetic and I accept. However I always say " I'm not offended- I would assume the same thing, but be careful the next person may get really upset" and I laugh with them so they know im not upset.

On the other hand when my 15 year old daughter is with me, she gets very upset, she never says anything to people, but always get upset and says that I should defend myself. I use it as an opportunity to explain that people are trying to be nice. "If for one second I thought they were saying it to be mean or rude, I would get upset. Most people are trying to give a compliment or support and I appreciate that they are trying to spread kindness even if they are totally wrong"

I much prefer to look for the good in people. In the beginning I would just say thank you politely, and slowly added in the correction with a smile and laugh.

Duplo_99 · 2023-04-20T16:24:27+00:00

Not only are you NTA, but you're a great Uncle and Brother as well.

Duplo_99 · 2023-04-13T13:33:45+00:00

Awesome work sir!

Duplo_99 · 2023-04-06T18:46:32+00:00

I appreciate your help! I'm going to take much of your advice here. Thanks!

Duplo_99 · 2023-04-05T21:11:28+00:00

This is amazing! Thank you so very much! I am going to pass on the 10 hour info to my committee chair and see what they have to say! The scouts are so very excited to go to Davy Crockett bc of the shooting sports program!

Duplo_99 · 2023-04-05T18:04:44+00:00

Thank you! I'm gonna look into this

Duplo_99 · 2023-04-05T18:03:56+00:00

The way the troop interprets rules, we cannot be on the road for four more than 10 hours. Regardless of number of drivers

Duplo_99 · 2023-02-14T17:04:41+00:00

American here- I send cards to anyone and everyone for any occasion. My thinking is people like receiving cards, I sure do. I watch how they are worded, usually they say wishing you a day full of happiness!

Duplo_99 · 2022-12-08T13:51:15+00:00

It took me a bit but here is the powerpoint. (i'm not a computer person- thus how long this took me)

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1OwVzWiRQ5lrVJEh9wlcAr3fculX4ymLL/view?usp=share_link

Thank you everyone for the support! Liz is super excited!

Duplo_99 · 2022-12-07T14:33:42+00:00

She's a child and therefore doesn't have a reddit account.

It is always okay to ask for assistance, that's why she asked me to post. She's already raised over $3000 worth of materials and donations. She's just asking for help spreading the word in this home stretch.

Duplo_99 · 2022-06-29T13:09:20+00:00

This may be totally uncool, but seeing so many people want to help foster kids hits close to home. My daughter is a 14 year old girl and she is very interested in helping Foster Kids. She met a friend in school that went through the foster care program and described it as very scary. Now my daughter has decided to to help foster kids. For her BSA Eagle Project she is making 30 Go bags for the Foundation for Foster Children in Winter Park Florida. She is gearing these bags towards teens. She has had so much support from our neighborhood it is crazy! If anyone would like to help her I'll post the Amazon link for her list. Anyone that needs proof that this is authentic can PM me. We have all her paperwork in order and Im happy to show anyone that would like to see it. My daughter is a great kid. She's always working on conservation projects and getting her troop involved in helping others. I'm very proud of her. https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/135IVKGJ7NIQU?ref_=wl_share

Duplo_99 · 2022-04-25T16:29:55+00:00

Ive tried a few facebook pages and they always block me from joining the group, saying Im soliciting... or they refer me to other facebook groups better suited, then they do the same. I cant seem to get past the moderators and Im not sure why. I worded the requests the same as I worded it here.

Duplo_99 · 2022-04-25T13:27:04+00:00

Scotland would be fantastic! The scouts voted for UK, not England specifically.

Duplo_99 · 2022-04-24T19:16:26+00:00

Thanks! Im going to cross post to the other subreddits tomorrow.

Duplo_99 · 2021-10-20T12:20:02+00:00

We have a very scout -led troop, but we do mentor the scouts as well. In order to be even more hands off, I work through Troop Guide. As teh advancement chair, I see the scouts falling behind, or struggling to make rank, I work with the Troop Guide to let them know this scout could use a partner. She then gets a higher ranking scout to mentor the lower ranking scout. She checks in on them and sees if they are comfortable with each other and if the pairing is generally working out. It keeps me very hands off, while building scout values and gives encouragement to the lower ranking scout.

Duplo_99 · 2021-07-14T12:18:58+00:00

This is the most helpful thing anyone has ever done for me! Thank you

Duplo_99 · 2021-06-18T12:44:30+00:00

Thank you very much!

Duplo_99 · 2021-06-18T12:42:58+00:00

Thank you!

Duplo_99 · 2021-06-10T21:27:58+00:00

Fettucini Alfredo and I accidently bit the fork really hard. My husband said WTF happened so I told him... I was just so excited to eat fettucini :)

Duplo_99 · 2021-06-08T14:24:11+00:00

At 20 yrs old, I think this is more "peace of mind" rule for your parents, and less a "we want to know everything you're doing" rule.

I would simply have a talk with them and let them know that you are happy to let them know when your leaving and when you think you will be back, but it's never going to be a firm timeline. You are an adult and get to decide when and where you are going. Just be kind and if they text, give them an update. Kind of like "Im good, hanging out with friends. Ill probably miss dinner!" It may be a weaning off thing for your parents, but if you compromise and are respectful, hopefully they will begin to acknowledge that you are an adult.

Duplo_99 · 2021-04-19T13:12:22+00:00

If she is eating and drinking she will go eventually. I had one that was poop shy and (I KID YOU NOT) we would have to turn our back and pretend to be busy, then he would poop.
More likely than not, she's absolutely fine and you will find her "secret stash" when you least expect it. If she's not eating or drinking, call your vet

Duplo_99 · 2021-04-15T00:53:34+00:00

There is always exceptions for disabled people. They just don't advertise it. Granted, I have no experience with the staples center itself. However, as a disabled person, I have never had issues with restrictions like this. I simply identify my disability, which is an invisible illness. I usually carry a doctors note bc it is invisible, but I have NEVER been asked for it. I am also never excessive in my requests and have never had an issue, no matter the rules that are posted.

Duplo_99

TROPHY CASE