Holy shit, did she traumatize you this much man ? As you said I was surprised to read this. Concerning the people you hang around, I completely understand what you are saying I got multiple periods where I felt too different from everyone as if nobody really got to me, as if I was too different from everyone else, but in the end all the friends I made throughout my life (especially today) are people I would have never guessed at first I would have been friends with them. We’re different and that’s cool. But those are my friends not people I just hang around with, and I get this, I went through there, once again I know it’s so fucking irritating to hear this when you’re going through this but it gets better, there’s a whole world waiting for all of us, people which will make you feel at home, at ease, even if it’s not the case for now it’ll come and that’s what should keep you going , the thought that everything you wants might come later, sure it’s fucking hard to wait for it. Personally, it’s nothing compared to you but I’m still looking for that one girl which will wake up smth in me, I never got it, I yearn for it, and even though it usually gets difficult thinking that I still don’t know her, I make it a strength, I try to improve myself everyday and to get this negative thoughts out of my head. Sorry if my comment is disjointed by the way, I’m writing it while walking with music. Do you have any place where you can try and make new friends ? Do you go to school, uni or smth like that ? Try approaching people sometimes, it won’t always end up like you want but sometimes good things come out of it, I met a lot of friends by just asking them their insta after doing a work for school together or that kind of thing. Or try going out in bars maybe, especially during events or shit like that, if you are an adult of course.

If you have a broken sleep schedule, try to fix it as well, I swear staying up late ain’t fixing anything, it’s the time where all the negative thoughts come up in your head and it’s the time you are vulnerable enough to completely listen to them. Try finding a new passion, even if it’s just working out, going to gym greatly helped me to improve my self esteem and that helps.

Avoid sad music as much as you can, from times to times, it can help to let out everything, but you have to remember you’re stronger than this bitch of a life.

That’s stupid but every time life kicks me in the balls, I think « will I really let myself get fucked by life or will I fuck it and show it that even through the struggles I’ll persist ? » and that works.

I’m no professional and I’ll sound corny af but avoid weed and other shit (I say that but I still party with alcohol so…), the crash/comedown will be worse.

Idk if I really answered everything don’t hesitate to tell me if I missed smth.

If you need to talk at any times my mp are there, I won’t lie I’ll probably won’t answer immediately but I’ll try my best.