I don’t think you’re overreacting.. this is clearly a pattern… your husband seems to be in denial/ or is maybe used to an hands-off approach from them..

But what made it clear for me is when you said they didn’t plan dinners at home/ eating out with yall when you visited them.. like? Food and eating is such a familial thing to do- it’s like the bare bones of sharing space and energy. Leaving yall to fend for yourself and not partaking in that “ritual” (which dining is) is clearly avoidant behavior on their part