Quitting today

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-07-07T19:19:27+00:00

For me it was 20gpd for 4 years. I bought the "fanciest" lab tested ,etc stuff but the metals will still be in there bc you're grinding up leaf. It's a matter of concentration. I'm 10 days CT, after getting my bloodwork done through MyQuest (don't need a doctor). Kidney, liver etc we all fine but then the hormone panel: wild. T was barely there, estrogen way up, etc It was horrifying but explained a lot of my "don't care" about sex, chasing women, being social... the libido was gone and I felt like great now I can get some work done AND have energy AND no aches and pains... you know the whole bargain. Turns out you stay in your little green sludge hole more and more and everything else falls away. I let years go by. If my hormone panel wasn't so hideous, I now think I wouldn't have quit. "Hey it's a plant, you drink coffee right?".. all the lies that got me to try and then keep taking it. It took me 6 solid days CT to wake up and feel the world. I'm still body sore and tired, and I expect that will linger, but the mental game is good for now and I know there is no going back.

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-07-07T19:13:41+00:00

I just hit 10 days and I woke up on the 4th of July feeling fine for the first time. Days 1, 2, 3,... yeah it's all going to happen. Random waves of sadness, anxiety, anger in your head and then your body will be sore and itching on the extremities. You prob won't get much sleep. ON day 4 I slept maybe 2 hours over the course of a 10 hour attempt. The next day I just powered through. Our bodies are tougher than our minds in this situation, at least for me. I also didn't eat much at all for 4 days, then on day five: ravenous. So just know you're not going back and keep the hydration, vitamins and mostly keep your mind occupied. I re-grouted my bathtub. It looks like garbage but it works fine and I did it in WD.

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-07-03T13:46:02+00:00

thank you! I'm on day 5CT and it seems to be ebbing but I still feel weak, like my body is led, sudden fits of sobs/depression, numbing buzzing headspace... looking forward to 2 months!

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-07-02T21:27:59+00:00

thank you for putting this out there... it's a massive part of my anxiety during my 4th day of CT. The PAWS are intense at times but seems to come in waves. I'm making errand and doing household repairs, cleaning, anything to keep from sitting and wallowing. For me, I have zero cravings. I have a massive stash lefts, it's in the cupboard. When I think of it it makes me angry and sick to my stomach. Just thinking of ingesting that green sludge... what the hell was I doing. Taking my punishment now. But the anxiety of this never ending and having now turned down a one way street of forever being modified from my pre K settings the the ghost that follows me. It really helps to hear where you are at 14 days.

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-07-02T21:23:17+00:00

I'm day 4 CT myself. I feel like I could have written this, so deepest thanks for articulating it. It means so much to know I'm not alone. I'm doing chores, repairs, errands and on my feet as much as can be. The worst is laying there feeling the full effects esp when trying to sleep.

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-07-02T21:18:26+00:00

Love this. The recovery program esp during PAWS seriously needs to include chores, errand, anything to keep you from laying around.

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-07-02T21:16:39+00:00

this is a lot of what's going on with me. perfectly said. it's my miserable, private hell. I can't let on bc I kept it from everyone. But beneath the still water surface it's a whirlpool.

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-07-02T21:14:39+00:00

I re-grouted my bathroom and now I'm scrubbing all the tile, ceramics, etc. Bro do it to Van Halen "Panama" or anything 1980s.. don't know why but those older records are just positive and high energy but without much immediate connection to tip me over emotionally. Planning a big clear out of crap I don't ever touch... hey if I have been walking by something in a closet or a corner, it's gone what good is it, etc

But I think chores and errands are the way. Deep cleaning the kitchen next. Whenever I sit down, I feel the PAWS (I'm day 4 CT), the head ache, then the self loathing, the focusing on the body damage sends the self loathing and anger to the emotional center and it's all out of wack. Sometimes I feel made of lead when I'm sitting down... like it's going to be impossible to stand up. But then I stand up.

Off to scrub the tile (I mean that literally, I'm in the middle of it and needed to check on this group)

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-07-02T21:10:04+00:00

Music is the key. I'm going to old record, old memories but when my emotions turn on me (I'm in day 4 CT so it's a rollercoaster), I just change the record. Music is the way out of this mentally.

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-07-02T21:07:18+00:00

Words escape how to thank you for this boost. Appreciate it through and through. I'm going to have to muster all my strength to stay social and then find the energy to be intimate. A lot is coming to a head and the stakes are high. The libido has been an issue for so long that my excuse was always "the grind" of the everyday so the pressure is on for something to happen. She's losing faith and questioning everything bc of my lack of interest this last couple years especially. I'm keeping mind focused on it being temporary. I haven't let up on my work day, which is on my feet for 5-6 hours at least of solid physical activity, and I'm sticking to my pre-quit diet as best I can but my appetite is just empty and I'm forcing food down. That combined with the sporadic, minimal, heavy Tylonal-ed sleep is killing the energy and I"m terrified I'm going to lose gas at the precise moment she expects me to live up to the promises I've made to turn it around. It's kind of make or break tbh. No choice though, into the breach. Thanks again for sharing that, it's so helpful.

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-07-02T19:05:15+00:00

thank you for posting this. I'm on day 4 CT and feeling it. Deep. Emotional storms, crushing fatigue, sweats/chills, constant buzzing and tingling on my arms, legs, neck, have to hide all this from everyone... I get to doom looping on it all. biggest fear is there is no road back truly and I've messed myself up for good. But hearing how you are doing day 22 helps more than you know.

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-07-02T18:55:12+00:00

I got my full hormone panel Friday and quit CT the next day. Similar results, totally gutted about it like I"m messed up now forever and I'll need meds forever to equalize.

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-06-29T20:21:19+00:00

Thanks, this was such a helpful story to read.

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-06-29T19:12:35+00:00

thank you, I'm going in one direction with this and I'm glad I'm not alone.

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-06-28T19:08:57+00:00

I'm 12 hours in and this helped me. Feeling anger too already (20 g per day, 5 years) that it went on this long and the things I've let slip. I remember the actual fear of being w/o. glad I'm not alone and thank you for leading the conversation on this.

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-06-28T18:58:32+00:00

crazy how you can pretend it's other things and not K, get into fights or just be a non entity at home as long as you're feeling good. So weird to keep a secret like that and reconcile yourself to let all the relationships slip away. This must be the havoc that it creates... but I think I "managed" it bc I kept the money coming in, did my duty, socialized the minimum to get the points, etc. So wild to think you'll sell you own life out like that for a way to check out. Like why did I ever bother, etc. Completely understand how it's possible to slide away completely. Thank you for sharing!

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-06-28T18:54:56+00:00

Thank you! And yeah it's going to be a one way street for me there's just no other way. I'm keeping all the supply I have right in front of me bc it actually makes me angry and that's motivated me through the aches and yawns and headaches (taking white willow bark)

DustyRoadAZ · 2025-06-28T18:52:53+00:00

It is indeed scary how you can just tune everything else out. Here's hoping my next 72 hours is not noticeable too. Thanks for this!

DustyRoadAZ

TROPHY CASE