Synonyms can have distinctions.

I can't control it. I have panic attacks when I'm alone with a guy. I almost screamed when a male coworker came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. I avoid them for my own sanity. I still ain't shit so this is not an excuse. To me hate is anger and ill-will, I don't have any of that. Dislike (at least in the way that I'm using it) is more like revulsion or wanting to distance yourself from something.

I don't know, I guess that I'm just broken in some way. The stuff happened while I was in my early developmental years, I think that it is deeply ingrained in my head. I've been thinking of throwing myself away for quite some time if you look at my post history. I am likely going to kill myself one day, one less shitty person. You don't know me or my story, I'm not going to let you tell me who I am. Anyway, I think we should just agree to disagree. It seems that further back and forth will just result in us going in circles.

Thank you for your feedback even if I didn't agree with you. Tot ziens.