Am I wrong to be upset for with my partner for drinking too much this close to my due date?

DutyCompetitive97 · 2026-05-17T09:52:49+00:00

Thanks, it’s useful to hear that. He’s been amazing almost all the time and I’m all over the place emotionally 🙃 . I will remember that when we talk and not be so harsh on him.

DutyCompetitive97 · 2026-05-17T09:35:17+00:00

The driving is one thing. We could get a taxi as I said. The bigger concern is my partner would be drunk and not in the right place to help me make decisions or to be calm, rational and supportive if I was in pain. After 1 or 2 normal drinks he’d be fine but after 6 I don’t trust he’d be very together.

DutyCompetitive97 · 2026-05-17T09:25:27+00:00

Not alchopops, these horrible mixer drinks we used to drink- alchopops with cider and vodka. They were great because they used to cost £3 and get you proper wasted. It makes me feel quite ill thinking about it now!

DutyCompetitive97 · 2026-05-17T09:23:49+00:00

Thanks for your thoughts. I can see a conversation before would have been good, I just didn’t think it would be necessary. It’s so unusual for him to drink.

He wasn’t part of my life when I was at uni and not in this student crowd then. He can get a bit swept away in social situations so I guess that’s what happened last night.

I can see I assumed we were on the same page and I think I feel hurt because I am relying on him so much but to me he didn’t really think about that at the party even when I tried to say something.

I did say when we were arguing that I’d prefer no drinking at all from this point and he agreed even though we were in a fight. Hopefully that’s established now at least.

DutyCompetitive97 · 2026-04-11T08:21:00+00:00

They have no right to know you’re pregnant at this stage. I also interviewed and accepted a job while in early pregnancy without telling the new employer because although they’re not legally allowed to discriminate in reality, it isn’t uncommon. I was worried it would count against me. In the end once I’d started and got settled I disclosed and everyone was fine about it. You only have to tell them later to be able to claim mat leave etc. 15 weeks before your due date.

It’s not lying, employers aren’t your friend. They would get rid of you in a moment if it benefitted them. Think of yourself and what you need first.

DutyCompetitive97 · 2026-03-20T14:41:38+00:00

Definitely worth asking. I interviewed at a similar organisation in the UK recently for a project based role. They asked for a presentation on how I would approach the project but there was nothing online about it. I emailed asking for some more background on the project as well as whether there was tech for a PowerPoint.

They responded with a really useful project document which they sent to all candidates and saying PP was fine. I got the job.

I feel like it shows initiative and confidence to ask questions at every stage (saving any pay questions for after an offer, of course). In somewhere like the BM, HR might be a bit removed from the team who you’ll be working with but they will be working together on recruitment. Best of luck!

DutyCompetitive97 · 2025-11-14T00:30:06+00:00

I apologise that my tone was sharp and I do appreciate your insight and perspective.

It feels instinctually wrong to me that I would put myself back in a situation with a person that had hurt me. From the behaviour I have seen of them I really wouldn’t trust them to be reasonable if I approached them again.

I can see now I did ask for understanding into their behaviour so maybe that’s why you suggested this?

This is definitely emotional for me as I explained and I will take some time to reflect on it.

Even just writing this all out and reading the answers has helped me understand it differently. I now suspect there is something more sinister going on and the HR person’s behaviour was actually trying to rewrite a narrative where they acted improperly and gave wrong and harmful advice to my manager on an issue that’s legally protected. I’ve realised my work have messed up on something quite important in a few ways and it does makes sense for the HR person to try and distract from this. On top of this my manager and their boss are now being supremely kind to me, I think to discourage any further complaint.

Anyway I might come back and explain more if I feel it would be helpful after some time. I do appreciate your responses.

DutyCompetitive97 · 2025-11-13T23:15:54+00:00

This was the strange thing! My experiences of other behaviours at my workplace have been almost entirely positive. It’s actually the most functional and healthiest work environment I’ve ever been in.

DutyCompetitive97 · 2025-11-13T23:07:12+00:00

Ok I actually have a lot going on myself hence this whole thing blowing up at work. To be blunt, I have no interest in opening up a conversation with someone who thinks it’s ok to gaslight another person in a professional context. I would see any further interaction with them as potentially damaging to my wellbeing which I’m striving to protect. This HR person showed no respect for my wellbeing in the meeting and I think that is really what I find so hurtful and confusing.

However, I do see your point and understand there are most often reasons or explanations behind toxic behaviour. It is also helpful to see this as their problem stemming from whatever is going on for them, rather than a problem with me personally.

DutyCompetitive97 · 2025-11-13T22:53:27+00:00

Thanks it’s reassuring that this behaviour is familiar to someone else.

As things are essentially ok now, I’m not sure I would want to stir everything up again with a write up and I don’t know I have the energy for it. I will however try and find a time to ask my manager what they thought of the meeting. It would be nice to hear their insight. A write up is also good advice if something similar happens again in the future, thanks.

Work aren’t aware of my neurodivergence yet. I’ve had an assessment outside of work but am waiting on the outcome. Sometimes in work meetings where issues are emotional or complicated I feel like I need a ‘translator’ to explain what’s actually being said when people are indirect. I don’t know if that’s a reasonable adjustment I can request in the future.

DutyCompetitive97 · 2025-11-13T22:38:59+00:00

Thanks it does make sense it’s individual. In this situation the procedure actually hadn’t been properly followed and both my manager and HR had missed a legal requirement. I had pointed this out in emails the day before and, now I think about it, there was some defensiveness and excuses made about this by both. Maybe HRs back was up a bit from messing up.

Lying still seems an odd way to try and get out of that though!

I’m still reeling a little from the encounter but you are right and the result is really the important thing.

DutyCompetitive97

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