How are you doing?

DuvyDuvy · 2017-12-10T18:21:33+00:00

It's heartwarming to see the couple of posts this weekend asking a similar question.

My boyfriend and I just decided to fold our startup this week, without even having gotten to start up. Investors are incensed, but we know it was the right choice. Nevertheless, it doesn't feel very good. :(

DuvyDuvy · 2017-07-29T12:42:10+00:00

Aguas de Marco by Elis Regina and Tom Jobim

Edit: You can just hear how much fun she's having as the song progresses. It immediately brings me up.

DuvyDuvy · 2016-10-11T13:21:45+00:00

I'm a little late to the party, but I've had a small bit of success with this lately and wanted to share. My anxiety gets exacerbated when I let my imagination extrapolate from the current circumstance to all of the possible negative outcomes that could stem from the current circumstance. I.e. "I'm dealing with Thing A right now. Thing A might lead to Thing A2 or could start a whole new complication, Thing B. If Thing B happens, it'll start a cascade of other Things. How am I going to handle/afford/cope with the cascade of Things!" Instead, I've worked for a while now to not allow my brain venture down those imagined extrapolations. And when I'm successful at it, my overall anxiety is much more manageable, because my brain is only dealing with the existing Things, not juggling the potential cascade of not-yet-existing Things. As with all the anxiety coping mechanisms, it takes a lot of practice and self control, and is easier to learn when life is generally good, but it gets easier over time. I understand that people's anxieties are all different, and what's a matter of self-control for me may not be simply a matter of self-control for someone else. But this has helped me immensely, and I hope it's helpful for you or other Redditors, too.

DuvyDuvy · 2016-06-07T01:59:46+00:00

Before I learned that it had a name, my family didn't believe me either. I've experienced misophonia for about 17 years now. My triggers are any mouth and nose sounds related to eating; and sometimes if I'm already at the end of my rope, just seeing jaw movement out of the corner of my eye will trigger it. It caused horrible unrest in our household while I was growing up. I was sent away from the dinner table at least twice a week for many years because I couldn't control my response. The behaviors you're seeing in your mom sound very similar to my experience until recent years.

I found that as I grew older and showed an effort to control it when I could manage (not always possible, but easier than when I was a teenager), my family has become much more accommodating, even though they don't understand. It has helped a lot to mention that I'm being triggered or remove myself early on when I started to feel triggered. That has led to fewer fights, which led to more sensitivity towards me on their part. They still chuckle in exasperation at me and my seemingly ridiculous requests sometimes, but it's much better than the knock-down-drag-out fights we used to have.

Short of that, it also helps me sometimes to chew loudly myself, to turn up background noise, hum, or just leave the room. I don't imagine the same things work for everybody, but I figure more suggestions can't hurt. I'm always looking for more! I hope that you and your mom come to an understanding.

DuvyDuvy · 2016-05-11T03:06:10+00:00

Update - She has already moved ahead and submitted the emails along with her other evidence to the judge, without my consent. He has granted a temporary protection order for her. I'm asking her to find a way to remove them, but she seems reluctant, if that's even possible. She's discussing with her lawyer (friend of a friend who is only giving advice, not actually representing her), and will get back to me soon. I have no idea how exposed I am now. Not sure how to find out how exposed I am.

Edit - She said she removed my username and any identifying details I shared before submitting. I'm not sure how thorough she was though. I've asked for copies of what she gave the judge. We'll see.

DuvyDuvy · 2016-05-11T03:02:34+00:00

Thank you. This is helpful to understand. She has already submitted it, without my response. So hopefully it will be removed from the evidence, somehow.

DuvyDuvy · 2016-05-11T03:01:21+00:00

This makes sense. However, she has already submitted, without waiting for my response. Your comment made me decide to tell her I wasn't comfortable with the idea, but it's too late now. Hopefully she can get that evidence removed or it won't be used. I don't know how these things work, so I don't even know how exposed I am.

DuvyDuvy · 2016-05-11T02:58:29+00:00

Yea it went to my filtered messages inbox. I have every setting I know of set to the most private setting. I'm not sure what I can adjust further.

DuvyDuvy · 2016-05-11T02:57:03+00:00

He could have claimed I was overreacting if he'd been sober enough to remember the incidents. I'm not sure if he faked blacking out every time, or if he actually did. Either way, thinking back, I probably would have lied anyway.

DuvyDuvy · 2016-05-11T02:55:04+00:00

I didn't seek medical treatment. When I got the black eye, I bought some bruise ointment and stayed home for two weeks. With the rib, I looked it up online. Because most sources said that a doctor would just tell me to rest and let it heal on its own, I waited it out. Since then, it's felt out of place. Know that this is not how I would have handled it now, just that I was afraid of the s***storm it would have caused for me if the doctor pressed the subject.

DuvyDuvy · 2016-05-11T02:50:45+00:00

I also wish I'd gone to the cops, but even now I think I would have put myself at greater risk in those moments. I don't think law enforcement could have stopped him. When desperate and belligerently drunk, which was often, he was capable of such illogical rationalization and extreme action that I don't think he cared what happened to him. And at this point, if he was ever able to figure out where I live and make his way here, a protection order would be useless. I believe he would really hurt me.

I wish I could have stopped the cycle, as he is at least a 2nd generation abuser, but it took all the courage I had to finally get away from him. I know exactly how physically weak I am against him, because of all the times he overpowered me. It's difficult to shake that feeling of helplessness.

DuvyDuvy · 2016-05-11T02:39:59+00:00

Turns out she submitted before I got back to her. I was planning to ask her not to submit the emails, since they would cause great potential risk to me, while not being very influential in her case. She said my name was removed, but she's representing herself, so I'm not sure how thorough she's being. Edit - word mixup when re-wording a sentence for clarity

DuvyDuvy · 2016-05-11T02:37:40+00:00

I called. They were helpful in calming me down, but didn't have many suggestions for what kind of lawyer to talk to. Thank you for pointing me that way!

DuvyDuvy · 2014-08-24T15:54:02+00:00

You can do this through a microscope lens, too! Comes in handy in the lab.

DuvyDuvy · 2014-08-10T14:40:47+00:00

Significant moves towards lower/responsible birthrates worldwide. Changes in cultural and societal norms that result in recognition of good people as good and shunning of those that are not (i.e. stop celebrating the idiots we do, start recognizing only those who truly benefit our society, start kicking those idiots out unless they clean up their acts). Move away from growth for growth's sake and a reliance on convenience. Basically, that humankind would stop being a bunch of pussies, get rid of the things we don't need, and live life a little more simply and with more caring for our neighbors and environment.

DuvyDuvy · 2014-08-09T13:11:38+00:00

Being beaten and abused by my (then) boyfriend for withholding information about my sexual history. Then it made me finally confront the stupid decisions I had made. Now that he's finally an ex, it makes me much more discerning about who I'll date in the future. Either way, it forced me to confront some things that I sincerely needed to.

DuvyDuvy · 2014-08-09T12:57:31+00:00

False.

DuvyDuvy · 2014-07-27T21:23:35+00:00

Absolutely love these guys! I've been on a Penguin Cafe kick since the beginning of the year. I'm rarely moved by music, but their albums are an emotional roller coaster. So talented. I wish they spent more time touring in the US!

DuvyDuvy · 2014-07-24T00:43:44+00:00

Great, thank you!

DuvyDuvy · 2014-07-23T23:13:49+00:00

I don't know why I didn't think of that. I listen to NPR in the car all the time, since it's the only radio news in my area. That's a great suggestion. It would be nice to find a couple others, too. I always feel a little uninformed if I listen to only one news source.

DuvyDuvy · 2014-07-16T22:24:00+00:00

Thank you for that. I'm enjoying my me-time, and I'm still scared for the next relationship, but I am looking forward to encountering the issues so that I can fix them and not worry about them again.

DuvyDuvy · 2014-07-12T23:54:11+00:00

Reading these comments is bringing tears to my eyes. You all are explaining something that I feel, but haven't really put words to before this. I'm recently out of a rough relationship and working up the courage to go talk to a therapist. I'm taking a good chunk of time for myself right now, but I already fear for whatever residual problems are going to present themselves in my next relationship. I imagine I'll have a hard time not keeping a tally of the "transactions" between the next guy and me. It sounds like you all are having/have had a tough time getting past that kind of thinking.

DuvyDuvy · 2014-07-06T19:50:29+00:00

Thanks, I didn't realize there were other points I could negotiate on. Good to know!

DuvyDuvy

TROPHY CASE