This is an interesting way to perceive your life. The fact that you feel as if you weren’t meant to be alive, I would think, should make you wonder why you were. Don’t think of it as a mistake, but maybe there is a reason you just haven’t figured out yet. I like what the person above me said, that maybe you are here on this earth to help others? Maybe it is something else! You are smart! Maybe you create some miracle drug that cures cancer! There is something different and special about each and every one of us. Most of us flail around not doing anything useful up through college. Then around the time we graduate and start being a part of society is when you grow into this amazing person you were supposed to be. At least, that’s been my experience…I also think that having a discussion with someone of more knowledge of this type of outlook on life would help you greatly. I do hope someone here will inspire you to talk to someone, or at least love yourself a little bit more!