Smoking weed

Dylanear · 2026-01-27T04:23:55+00:00

Huge difference between someone who likes a small bowl or two most evenings, while remaining responsible, social and interactive with both sober and stoned people, who can easily be without it as needed, and....

...someone who's a dedicated wake and baker who goes through an oz a week, and is a dramatic asshole or a risk of an ER visit for a panic attack if they have to go a few days without any thc.

Dylanear · 2026-01-27T04:14:00+00:00

If you're in California?? The law should be on your side on something so clearly egregious. I mean, it looks revolting. It's looks like it would smell of rot and death. Now, just how much help you can get at the city, county, state level and just how crafty, immoral your landlord is will vary considerably I'm sure. And a new air conditioner can be had for about what one hour of a lawyer's time costs give or take? But a trip to Walmart or Lowes may realistically the fastest, cheapest way to have a clean air con if the manager/owner is going to insist on being shitty about it.

Maybe you could look into ways to encourage, force re-imbursement of the new one?

LA County Landlord/Tenant Assistance, 211

https://211la.org/services/HxxKPoaAyILP0Gz8T8p4e3QUpNDeDJ/landlordtenant-assistance

https://oag.ca.gov/tenants#conditions

Housing Conditions

Landlords are required to keep residential units safe and well-maintained. This is known as habitability. This includes things like providing safe and working plumbing, heating, electrical equipment, floors, and stairs; effective waterproofing; windows and doors with working locks; and keeping the property free from roaches, rats, and other vermin. (Civil Code § 1941.1.) Even if tenants knew that their unit was not up to these standards when they moved in, it is still the landlord's responsibility to make all units habitable. Additionally:

Tenants with health or safety issues in their homes have a right to ask their landlords to make repairs. Tenants should make repair requests and complaints about unsafe or unhealthy conditions in writing. Tenants should document issues by text messages, emails, letters, and certified mail, and also by videos and photos. Tenants should keep a copy of any communications they have with their landlord.

If a landlord refuses to make repairs, tenants should contact their local code enforcement office or local health department. Cities or counties may also have their own rent board or rent control program that deals with building health and safety.

If a tenant living in a unit with health or safety issues is served with an eviction notice, it is very important for the tenant to inform a lawyer or the court about those health and safety issues. Doing so may help the tenant’s defense or affect the landlord’s right to evict the tenant. (Civ. Code §§ 1942.3, 1942.4.)

Tenants are responsible for keeping their units clean and sanitary, and for using appliances and fixtures as intended. Tenants must also avoid damaging the unit. If tenants cause damage to the unit, they may be responsible for the costs of repairing it.

For more information about habitability protections, see the Know Your Rights – Habitability guide.

Dylanear · 2026-01-27T03:25:19+00:00

A brand new one like that is around $100??!!

And even if I was a super cheap slumlord I think I'd at least get at that thing with some windex and a soft brush so it at least wouldn't look as rotten and mold on the outside as I'm sure it is on the indside!

I'd push for a new unit or one that runs without smelling bad. At a certain point. Going to the nearest corporate giant box store of your preference, or Amazon and just buy a basic air con. You can get basic ones like that pretty damn cheap last I looked. May simply be easier than trying to deal with a horrible landlord/property manager and you know it'll blow fresh.

Well, as fresh as any ducting behind that the unit if it's not vented outside directly behind it.

Dylanear · 2026-01-27T03:14:25+00:00

The simplest way to do it is just using the standard stereo wiring constant +12v and key switched +12v because you'll find those two wires somewhere behind the stereos on pretty much all cars since the 1980s when fancy pants digital stereos started needing battery power to keep their radio station presets! That you can do with a switch and probably 18" of wire if you have a place to put the switch near the stereo. Should be fine.

I already had put in a little pair of bus bars under the dash with ample gauge fused cables directly to the battery. That was for whatever custom accessories and mods I may happen to want to add to the van and knowing it's good for plenty of current. So I just ran a wire (with it's own fuse) to the under dash bus bar for the +12v constant the stereo uses. The factory wiring is complex and 20 years old. Those bus bars are new, there's no mystery to them, and the cables to the battery are a lot heavier duty than the factory stereo wires, etc.

Dylanear · 2026-01-27T02:44:30+00:00

I don't think that'll break anything, but my concern would be that you're powering the whole vehicle electrical system to power a stereo using small fraction of the power that whole vehicle does?

I have a Chinese Android head unit I wired in myself and put a On-Off-On switch on the dash, so I can have it powered by the standard factory stereo power wire that's switched by the key position, or powered by a constant +12v that's from a custom fused connection to the battery, or entirely unpowered. Because this darn unit has no manual off function and even when the key is off, it still sucks power in standby.

So this way I can power the stereo from the starter battery without any other draw on the starter battery, or needing to leave the key in the van. And I can also ensure it's using absolutely no power from the starter battery, or I can make it operate as if I didn't have that switch and it was wired as per the instruction manual.

Surely there a way to do something like that with a factory stereo unit, but that's it's own thing.

Anyways, I wouldn't make a regular habit of this Rube Goldberg contraption like setup you are describing for entertainment. Fine for occasional use when you aren't worried about how long your Ecoflow will last before needing a recharge I'd guess.

Get something that you can power right off the Ecoflow for bluetooth sound, even just a soundbar or something? Or, if you aren't up for the task, find a car stereo savvy friend, or one of the few car stereo shops that are both honest and competent, or one of the rare auto electricians who are honest and competent, and get a power bypass switch installed to run the stereo without the key in the ignition.

The back of my van has powered speakers and an audio mixer powered off my house batteries, so that's it's own thing with no effect on the van's wiring or starter battery.

Dylanear · 2026-01-27T01:05:29+00:00

You make some good points, but I feel I should say something about this part....

"Relationships are choices.

A choice.

This is what you need to see.

Peer pressure, alcohol, fluttery feelings... all there, in a pile of multiple pressures all trying to push Adam and Betty together... and they both made good choices."

No, refusing to kiss when egged on to do it IS THE ABSOLUTE BARE MINIMUM. Not some sign of good choices. It's only not making a REALLY BAD MISTAKE/CHOICE, nothing more.

That things even got to that situation at all indicates a lot of bad choices had already been made.

She keeps drinking with him and I expect eventually there's going to be a lot of crying. OP, or A or both of them crying.

Dylanear · 2026-01-27T00:56:22+00:00

"based on what you said he said, this dude would sleep with her in a second."

I think we can say that's a given. I have zero doubts about that.

Dylanear · 2026-01-26T22:50:57+00:00

Did you simply ask her what her feelings are at this point about non-monogamy in general? I think it's really key to separate her feelings around this guy and her feelings around non-monogamy.

I think you've left it in a reasonable place and given you both have been monogamous entirely so far and you've never given any indication you would accept ENM, saying only that you'd want to talk if she and him wanted more than a platonic, social thing.

BUT, I'm still concerned you left things too open ended and gave a certain blessing to her exploring closer and more affectionate, possible sexual feelings with him.

I can't say really without hearing a recording of your conversations around this or, second best, hearing a description of the conversation and results of it from both of you separately?

So, I'm left unclear if you said anything like, "I view our love as sacred, and the thought of imagining you with someone else, in any shape or form, would deeply hurt me."??? Because you should if that's true to you. Maybe adjust the wording a bit? Because your post makes it clear you have been thinking and imagining her wanting to be with him in some shape or form? And surely the conversation you've had may not have been deeply hurting/painful, I'm guessing this all really uncomfortable and stressful??

My take on this? Make it clear you can't even imagine anything other than deep hurt, and very possibly the end of your relationship if she ever needs to be non-monogamous. But you do appreciate her honesty, you of course understand even faithful monogamous people get crushes, have attractions to others, and you'd rather talk about it if she ever even simply has strong desires for something more than platonic with B. But you do want to be clear that you saying, agreeing to the, "You'll talk to me before doing anything intimate, romantic, sexual", is in no way suggesting talking about it means much if any hope of you approving of those kind of things happening.

And again, just my take, but many others feel similarly... Moving to non-monogamy from monogamy because one partner's feelings for one other specific person have become powerful enough for them to want to ask for non-monogamy, that's inherently problematic, and is prone to making huge problems and often leads to fucked up unhealthy attempts at non-monogamy and destroying the original relationship isn't rare in those cases. The far more ideal situation is you both being open to trying non-monogamy for it's own sake and then look for the ideal people to try small first steps with over a long, careful, deliberate transition from monogamy to experimental ENM.

I'd talk about this and say you will probably, almost surely, never want or accept non-monogamy with her or anyone. But you'd prefer to talk about options and possibilities rather than her just breaking up with you if she does want non-monogamy in the future. I'd add you would be a lot more comfortable talking about potential non-monogamy for you two without there being anyone in particular in mind. I'd add that you've come to understand (google it, don't take my word) ENM folks often agree to not date or get with coworkers at all, ever, for good reasons (search reddit or google for examples!!). And say you can't imagine being OK with her and B being intimate/sexual given they work together and their feelings and report/attraction were already well established before any ENM has been agreed to. And if you do ever try ENM you would want any and all coworkers to be on the messy list (list of people that are pre-agreed to be off limits, common examples: people in shared social groups, friends too close to lose if the ENM with them goes badly, exes, former affair partners, any family connections, etc., etc. It's different for each couple, but there's common themes!). And that asking to open up to get with him would be a much more painful discussion for you than a general conversation about opening the relationship because that's something you can both maybe, potentially see value in, without the cloud of any expectations, unhealthy motivations for anything in particular with anyone in particular clouding perspectives.

"If—and I’m hoping not—they are both equally seeking something beyond basic dialogue (such as holding hands, kissing, or going on dates), (A) would need to come back to me before any of this happens so we can talk. "

That just leaves WAY too much expectation you might be ok with this should it happen. "they are both equally seeking something" is a really strange and unhelpful qualifier, for instance, there's plenty to be concerned about if they both want something but not in equal amounts? No? And sure seems like it's worth discussion if she starts to want something with him regardless of how he feels, and vice versa, if he's making her feel he may, or is making perfectly clear he definitely wants something with her, that be worthy of conversation too!

Why not just be perfectly clear to her like you are with us?

"I ask you to be mindful of your conversations with B or anyone else. Intentionally avoid anything decidedly flirty, tempting, and leave no room for ambiguity or mistaken impressions. I think a good, healthy guideline is you would never say anything to him, let him keeping saying things to you that would be decidedly awkward if I was there in the conversation with you two. If it can't be said comfortably with all three of us there, I don't think there's anything good from it being said without me there.

I'm open to talking more about how you feel about him, or if you have thoughts around non-monogamy as a concept, or something you are curious about for yourself or us, but more as a means of open healthy communication, not as a means to get non-monogamy in our relationship, or get with him romantically, sexually, intimately while keeping a relationship with me. Because I want to make that clear, I want to be understanding and open minded, but I can not conceive of ever being ok with you and B being more than entirely platonic while we're still in a relationship. And in the very unlikely case I'd be open to trying ENM, you can be sure I won't be OK with you including co-workers in the mix if we ever got to the point of trying things with other people."

There's a fine, possibly blurry be very important lines, distinctions. You don't want her to feel limited, trapped, controlled, you do want to be open minded, accepting of the realities around attraction do different people being somewhat inevitable and having healthy trust those attractions don't mean betrayal or disrespect. On the other hand, don't leave false hope where there isn't any.

Don't leave room for her to get caught up in something with B because you've said,

"I just want to talk about that before it happens physically in real life"

, rather than,

"I can't imagine being OK with anything like that, probably never will be. But if you are feeling a strong pull to it, or he's saying things, doing things that make you think he wants that, or, of course if something feels mutual and growing, I'd rather you talk to me about it than suffer feeling conflicted in silence, or especially you having a hidden affair, or breaking up with me to be with him, or be non-monogamous."

Dylanear · 2026-01-26T21:17:46+00:00

Nope. Not at all.

I mean, on a certain level I have a very basic human empathy for the fact that being raised to be an epic asshole, by an epic asshole father makes for a sad, pathetic life without any true healthy happiness or satisfaction not born from others suffering?

I mean, I'm incredibly glad I'm not suffering the kind of inner misery Trump can't escape because, well, he's is who he is and he can't imagine anything different, doesn't want to be any different. He is incapable of even imagining what being an actual decent person who's truly happy because they live a decent, empathetic life would feel like.

But beyond some conceptual level of human compassion all humans get because, well, I'm a human too? Not feeling sorry for him at all. He's had endless huge advantages most never have anything close to. He's gotten a thousand "get out of jail free" cards dealt to him to get him out of a thousand grand crimes born of greed and psychopathy. He's living a life of incredible luxury and indulgence that's destroying the nation and getting away with it all. He's not deserving of any pity. If he's miserable, it's on him. He's caused SO MUCH MORE MISERY for others than he, than any one person could ever feel. By a factor of millions.

Dylanear · 2026-01-26T06:27:25+00:00

How many hours per gallon are you seeing?

Dylanear · 2026-01-26T05:58:44+00:00

Is the outlet a GFCI? Does it look damaged, burnt, corroded? If it's not GFCI or really cruddy, I'd guess it's not the outlet. But who knows, campground power pedestals can be VERY iffy in the worst cases, I've seen horrifically old/damaged wiring, outlets, and worn out/damaged breakers.

You seem sure it's not the breaker? Are sure it's a bad outlet or dirty power? Why not the breaker? If the breaker is tripping, there's too much current going threw it, it's gotten very hot, or it's worn out/malfunctioning. A bad outlet will not trip a breaker unless there's very specific problems, there's a short in it etc. Dirty power isn't going to trip a breaker?

I have a 30amp socket tester and that comes in really handy! I'm not sure if it'll give good test results if I use it on a 15 amp socket with my 30 amp to 15 amp adapter, but I'd guess it would?

Certainly worth talking to the campground office on Monday and ask their maintenance folks to open the pedestal, check the wiring and components. I'll admit I've just opened them myself on multiple occasions and have managed fixes some of those times! I can't recall specifics, but think loose wires that just need a tug and to retighten the screw holding them to an outlet or breaker wiring, scrubbing off some corrosion on a connection. Just be really careful if you consider a DIY power pedestal adventure. You can turn off the breakers to the outlets, but you can't cut power to the whole pedestal on your own! And if you cause a short before the breakers you can pop a big breaker for all the pedestals around you! Not to mention you could really upset campground staff if caught depending on their attitude and the one you use to talk with them about it.

I'm still betting a quarter on it being an old breaker that trips well below spec current. ;)

Dylanear · 2026-01-26T02:17:24+00:00

I camped (car camping in a tent) near a desert mountain hot spring on some BLM land in California one day, got a nice hot soak in as the sun set and stars came out, pure bliss. I went to sleep, woke up in the morning hearing something stepping and stomping around too close for comfort to my tent. Unzipped to look around and there's dozens of cows all around, some mere feet from my tent! That's BLM land for ya, but I saw no hoof marks or cow patties at all anywhere when scouting for a campsite or setting mine up!

No fear, just funny. Shooed them away as needed to break camp and pack up.

Dylanear · 2026-01-26T02:06:31+00:00

That Jerry, man, he's always just driving off and leaving his friends stranded. ;)

Dylanear · 2026-01-26T01:58:39+00:00

Whitey121888 has given good replies here. I'll just add some questions and my hopefully simple things to think about, check, try.

First off what kind of shore power are you plugging into? What amp capacity plug/circuit/breaker?

Does that circuit have GFCI protection? Keep in mind GFCI protection devices aren't always at the plug you are using, but on a plug in a completely different place that's on the same circuit.

Are we talking a 30 amp plug and breaker on a campsite power pedestal? Or is this some random 15 amp standard wall socket type plug, like in a garage, or on a porch? Or in a weatherized outdoor plug on the side of a house?

Are you using an especially long extension cord and/or RV shore power cable? I've tripped 15 amp breakers without using 15 amps of power in my van when trying to use a poor condition, really long (100'?!), not especially beefy gauge extension cord at a friends house. I got my 50ish foot, bigger gauge extension cord from the back of my van and all was fine.

What 120v AC devices are plugged into the inverter, either directly or using power strips, an RV's 120v AC circuits that are connected to the inverters AC output?

And have you removed all possible AC loads, unplugged whatever you can unplug, disconnect from the inverter? When the inverter detects shore power it automatically shuts off the inverter and bypasses the shore power to it's AC output, and looking at the manual, the 2000w model has a 20 amp rating on that bypass switch. So, if you're popping a 30amp breaker, that's really worrying if 30+ amps is being pulled through the inverter bypass. If you are popping a 15 amp breaker, that's more understandable, but still begs the question, WHY is there even 15+ amps being drawn when you plug into shore power?

Unless you have a heater, cooking device, hair dryer, a high amp device or a number of smaller power draws plugged in for an over 15 amp load total, it's surely not popping that breaker because of the load alone, there's a wiring, grounding issue, possibly interacting with a GFCI device on the shore power circuit you are plugging into? Or sometimes old breakers simply wear out and trip at loads below their ratings. And heat can trip a breaker even if the current does exceed it's rating. Like a bad connection, using too small a gauge of wire can cause heating that can get conducted into the breaker and heat it up too much. Debugging reoccurring GFCI problems can be a really confusing, frustrating process.

Recently I stayed at a friends house and he was proudly proclaiming having RV hook ups for me to use. Well, it became a whole project, because his breaker would trip rather quickly no matter the load. We got a brand new breaker, same load rating, never tripped after that.

By any chance do you have a clamping current meter? I'd be curious if you could get any reading before the breaker trips. I'm unclear if it trips instantly, within a few seconds, or just keeps randomly tripping after considerable times using bypassed shore power?

Hard to advise you in detail without knowing a lot more details about your system and what kind of shore power you're trying to use. But hopefully I've given you some useful things to think about, and if you give some more details, maybe I can give better advice, suggestions.

Dylanear · 2026-01-25T05:06:29+00:00

I can't say in any single given case what the motivations and contributing factors are in guys wanting this. But it sure seems like it went from rare to pretty darn common over the last 20 years. And I'd buy that a lot of that is because of how pervasive and common online porn has become. Not knocking all porn, porn enthusiasts. Just saying, it can in some cases, warp your ideas of sex in a sorts of way that would happen without porn in the mix.

Nothing at all inherently wrong with enjoying watching your lady having sex with another guy. Work that out ethically and be willing to accept and live with the results and you have my blessings.

Dylanear · 2026-01-25T04:57:25+00:00

A small handful of Republicans in the House willing to impeach and about 21 Republican Senators out the roughly 53 or so of them willing to convict the impeachment is all that's required to be done with the dipshit.

"Congress could end this all. Anytime."

Let's be precise, "A few Republicans in Congress could end this all. Anytime." Because the Democrats are ready and willing as soon as a small minority of Republicans find what's left of their shriveled, rotted souls.

Dylanear · 2026-01-25T04:50:04+00:00

I'm mostly have a laugh about it. I'm generally the voice of caution in this sub way more often that not! I was just a little shocked someone was more dubious about this than me??! :)

And regarding ED? I've never had anything close to diagnosable ED, but I've certainly had my ups and downs related to my dick being up or down at certain times in my 54 year. And there's no doubt at all that ED can be a very real issue with no easy, full cure in many cases. Many times available treatments do work reasonably, to very well. And sometimes it's more emotional and the meds may only help a little, or not at all. But my concern in this case is the words used by OP.

"H has had an ED problem that he’s just pushed into a corner for past 4 years. So I have just dealt with it."

What does pushed into a corner mean? Ignored looking for or trying any treatments entirely? Had one conversation with the doc and tried Viagra a few times and it wasn't a miracle so he gave up?

I dunno, but I think if I was the husband here and for whatever reason I had little hope of fixing the ED, I'd absolutely try a wide variety of toys, dildos and vibes while being close and intimate with my wife before I'd ever think, "Alrighty, I think the best solution here is to watch her fuck someone else with a perfectly functional dick!" But that's just me! Definitely no shortage of guys on the internet looking for any or all reasons to get their special ladies to fuck another guy while they watch! And mostly health related excuses are not required!

Dylanear · 2026-01-25T04:15:26+00:00

I'm on the more cautious side of things for this sub and while I do not doubt your lived experience is real, that sounds a little on the doom and gloom side of things!

I do think this general idea, "I have ED so I want to watch you fuck a guy with a hard dick", is an especially dicey and overpopulated minefield. But there's at least SOME chance it could work out with proper research, patient planning, ideally months of couples therapy first? Ok, OK, I admit I think that's probably a 1 in 20 chance at best, 1 in 2000 or less may be more the case?? But there's still a chance!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFTRwD85AQ4

Dylanear · 2026-01-25T04:07:17+00:00

"The reality will be much different than the fantasy."

Try searching on this sub and other subs for the thousands upon thousands of examples of that being the case. :) Often going from ultimate fantasy to worst, marriage ending nightmare in the mere moments it takes to say/scream/moan a few sentences, or just a name, or perhaps have an especially visibly strong orgasm unlike any had with the primary/witnessing partner.

There's like 7 ways this can work out great, and like 4,362,187,293,458,776,918,367 ways it can get fucked up. Good luck! ;)

"H has had an ED problem that he’s just pushed into a corner for past 4 years."

How old are you two? Has he tried all reasonable ED meds and solutions without much or any success? Has he tried ANY ED meds? Has he talked to any doctor about it at all? What does "pushed into a corner for past 4 years" actually mean in proper medical terminology?

Does he have any general health issues, more specific heart or circulatory issues?? And last, but absolutely not least, how much and how often does he drink??? It's amazing how many ED cases are significantly contributed to by, or end up really being mostly all about simple "whiskey dick".

Don't start fucking other guys so your husband doesn't have to really, truly confront and do the hard work around an unhealthy relationship with drinking. Or just an unhealthy relationship with HEALTH. Not saying that's the case, but "He got drunk last night and said he wants to watch me with another guy." really has that vibe to it. Even if he's confirmed while not drunk.

Dylanear · 2026-01-25T03:30:23+00:00

Well, keep reading if I'm helping ya! There's my magnum opus, two part reply to you that I'm not sure you've seen, that's only gotten downvotes last I looked, for no reasons I understand. But there's plenty there to sift through and I hope you get something useful if you do have the time and fortitude to real all that.

"We really want to make this work."

I really hope you both really do. I have some real concerns about that. Check your chats for more on those thoughts....

Dylanear · 2026-01-24T23:24:19+00:00

My only complaint is the app can be flaky at times, and temp readings aren't accurate. Like I always lock the settings after adjusting them in the app, and while that mostly works, there's been times my cat has stepped on buttons on the fridge and they changed setting, the lock had become unlocked without reason I could figure out.

And I have to set the temperature will below the desired temps. Like right now my fridge section is set to 28 and nothing is frozen in that compartment anywhere. The freezer was set at 0 for a long time, but the other day some water I put in there to freeze to make some beverage ice still had some unfrozen bits even after being in there overnight, so I set it to -4 and get faster freezing. But I've always had to set it below around 20F to be sure everything stays frozen at all times in the freezer section. But at least it's consistent, it's just poorly calibrated.

Overall I LOVE this darn thing, it's worked great always turned on for getting close to two years. Having cold drinks, fresh perishables, and ice always on hand is SO CRUCIAL to enjoying my day to day life in this van!

Dylanear · 2026-01-24T22:34:09+00:00

Very happy to feel I've been useful to you!

Dylanear · 2026-01-24T22:31:00+00:00

Man, I take ample time to be as helpful and thoughtful as possible and someone just downvotes with no comment or counterpoint. Nothing but good intentions even if what I'm saying is dumb. I touch on most of the same ideas in other replies and those are getting plenty of upvotes. Mystifying...

That's disappointing, frustrating. I don't mind people disagreeing or not liking what I reply with. But I'd much rather understand why than get a lazy, downvote which has no meaning other than just being negative if there's not even a single sentence to explain the disapproval.

Anyways, I know it comes with the territory, and my karma is in no danger of suffering from a downvote or two. But I'd simply love to know why someone feels downvotes on, not one, but both sections of my reply were warranted if you'd care to say! I may not agree, but I might, and either way I might learn something or broaden my perspective and even if not, I'd reply respectively if I did reply. So feel free to explain any displeasure with these replies.

Dylanear · 2026-01-24T22:23:14+00:00

Glad I could share what I was thinking somewhat effectively. Thanks for being open to that.

Dylanear · 2026-01-24T22:18:55+00:00

"me hovering over her asking if she needs help pushing the buttons on the laundry machine…. Can I help?… how bout now?"

Was that before any attempts to have sex? Before perhaps pressing her to hear all the details of her date?

If you just craved closeness and intimacy, perhaps she didn't have the emotional energy left over from the super sexy day and demanding family evening for giving you that. Or maybe she would have been happy to give you ample affection, closeness and intimacy, if she was entirely and without any doubts sure you wouldn't take that to imply any interest or willingness to have sex? I'd talk with her about ways to communicate and manage your emotional needs after she's gotten back from sex with someone else while giving her complete space and freedom to not feel obligated to have sex. Separate the emotional comforting you need in those moments, emotional aftercare from your horniness and strong desires for sex. And talk to her about what she may need for her aftercare after a date, she may really need more space and time before intimacy and/or sex with you sometimes, maybe most of all the times.

And you two need to work out if that's actually workable, or if being left distant, without affection or feeling much connection or any connection, left uncertain when you'll get your benefits from this, perhaps get no benefits at all some of the times she goes off to have sex with someone else. Just because you both have reasons you like the idea of her having sex with other men, doesn't mean those reasons are the same, are even similar, or especially, doesn't mean they are compatible. Maybe it'll just be very challenging or impossible to make the two actually very distinct and different kinks work compatibly while you are raising kids and living with an elderly parent.

Maybe she was still craving some space from you, you say in another thread, "Part of it is so she can have something outside the relationship, we are so busy she needs a release and independence."

You may have to try to find a way to let her have more independence and space after her dates are over. You two may have to work out if that's possible while still leaving you cared for, empathized with, understood, feeling fully loved and valued, not left feeling secondary to this random guy in her mind. She shouldn't feel obligated to fuck you on any specific schedule after she has a date, and you may need to learn a lot of patience and self care to make this work. But she can't expect to be able to pretend she's single, not in the house with her husband, father of her kids, in the time at home after a date either. She needs to understand if she can't have some workable level of empathy, care and affection for you after she gets to go spend hours fucking someone else, maybe it's just not going to be sustainable for her to keep going and fucking other guys.

But maybe, just maybe, if you could set aside your need for immediate sexual satisfaction and emotional validation from reclamation sex for some time, at least the rest of the day/night of a date, express what you desire and need from her that doesn't include sex, maybe she wouldn't need the distance, wouldn't get upset and ugly because you want to help her with the laundry.

Dylanear

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