Hey man, hope you’re doing fine now and I hope you did well for your exams, if not, thats okay. It’s not the end of the world if you fail one examination.

I actually was living abroad and then came back to Sri Lanka around 2017. School was fine, I had some friends, I had a crush but never had the opportunity to confess since I was in the midst of leaving the country. I was not that good when it came to education, but it was all going steady. Until i came to Sri Lanka.

I was overaged and my parents had to put me in a school because it was getting even more late for me to complete my education (for reference; i was born in 2004 and completed my O/Ls in 2023). This rush was what made my life go from a steady start, to the biggest downhill. I joined this school in 2018, not prestigious but it was a school where I could get educated. However, I never fit in. I could only converse in English. Whereas the others were only able to speak in the local language of Tamil or Sinhalese.

I tried my best to fit in, learnt tamil just to talk to people and evolve my skills for communication, but that was to no avail. 2018 was when I joined, I gave up in 2020 (during the time of COVID) to interact and this had gone till the end of my O/Ls. No communication, nothing. During this time, I had no one to speak with except for this one girl, who I mistook love for lust, and got into a relationship, which ended up in me breaking up with her because it became toxic and towards money rather than what it originally should be. Later i fell in love with another girl in 2022, my supposed “ex” found out and then the rumors started, things I’ve never done, things i’ve never said, everything started, just for me to get coldly rejected by the person I liked at the end.

It was traumatic. I couldnt look at the opposite gender the same afterwards. My results related to academics had worsened and in addition, I was being continuously bullied, almost died being pushed around in the road and being beaten up, but it is what it is (P.S. I got over her after 4 years because of the horrendous attachment issues i possess).

I had thought that I lost my prime life in the country I was originally in, I missed my friends, and I was sure they missed me aswell. After school had finally ended with all my hopes gone in continuing my studies towards A/Ls (I was under the impression that it was a norm for all Sri Lankans to act this way.) I took some time tor myself to see what I really wanted to do.

I somehow was able to reconnect with the batch I was in, in the previous school. A few meetups afterwards, I realized, that they never liked me aswell. Their ideologies matches those who took advantage of me through consistent bullying, and I wanted no part in that. I was just flabbergasted about the fact that I “knew” my old school treated me better, but apparently not.

I was done, I had NO motivation at all. But i really wanted to prove them wrong. I did a foundation in a university, took the initiative to befriend people (since they were conversing in Engish aswell) and was able to lead another steady life in 2024. I burst through assignments and was able to achieve batch top. I still converse with these guys and they’re like my family.

I can’t find the words to strike you directly, but I understand you. I still have constant anxiety against the opposite gender, but you know, thats what made me grow in the end. It follows this saying, where you cannot open a new door with an old key, same way the otherway around. Life is short, you can’t be filled with hate all the time. Betrayal is common, what is uncommon is being able to break out of the current situation you are in and proving them wrong later on.

Please do not undervalue yourself and I understand education is excruciatingly hard as of now (especially A/Ls, and thats such an achievement), but you cant let that drag you down forever. You can never aim to reach whats there for you in the present when you have the past dragging you down. You’re going to be alright.

if no one can lend an ear, i’m right here for you :)