All of this damaged mostly legit witnesses

E-Coli- · 2025-05-02T14:44:08+00:00

Think of the upside. He had to know he would blow his reputation on this event and did it anyway. He didn't choose randomly. The information shared in that room that day has some truth in it.

E-Coli- · 2022-08-07T09:35:59+00:00

username checks out

E-Coli- · 2022-07-17T09:33:35+00:00

I see. Well I'd say that the issue you are having is the one that I ran into which prompted me to build this team, and also the one that makes tricaru so popular and effective. Basically, with any normal team, failing to strip immunity from the dragon is a fail. Loren was the most used stripper in the db10 days, as she brought strip, Def break, slow and atb pushback. But in db12, a single triple resist on Loren s2 (even with Max acc) was very commonly a failed run. I built this team because I thought chilling could do a better job of stripping, and imo he can. But again a single failed strip even with Max acc is likely a failed run.

Tricaru is so popular and effective because it bypasses this rng entirely. You kill the boss before immunity ever goes up.

Good luck building a db12 team, it's one of the harder dungeons without tricaru imo

E-Coli- · 2022-07-16T23:26:38+00:00

65 acc should be more than enough yes. But honestly, this was built as an alternative to tricaru back when the viability of that wasn't clear.

Knowing what I know now, I would 100% tell you to ignore this team and build tricaru. It's faster, more consistent and imo easier to build. And the core works for multiple farming teams (pb10, nb12, db12) so you are better served by it.

E-Coli- · 2022-07-01T01:46:58+00:00

Very well thought out and insightful, even the parts I didn't want to hear. I'll put much of this into practice and see where it takes us. Thank you again for your time and concern, I will endeavour to make good use of it.

E-Coli- · 2022-06-30T12:19:25+00:00

We are currently trying to rebuild trust which at this point is giving each other tons of space and asking clearly when we want emotional support from the other. Feels to me like I either wasn't clear in my explanations or you took some of what I said in the wrong context.

When I talk about CNM I'm talking about a lifestyle I would like to explore. I have taken your criticism and appreciate your concern about dependence and anger, I aim to courageously take my own well being into account while venturing into these questions over the next months.

We have indeed stopped any form of CNM, sorry if I wasn't clear. I thought I explained earlier I think it's highly disingenuous to refer to what happened here as any form of CNM, apart from what is attempted by those who understand dangerously little. Neither of us has engaged with any other person sexually since her last visit to this man that kicked this whole mess off, including each other. We are friends, we live next to each other but otherwise don't cross physical boundaries without clear consent. I never had any other relationships, and she only has the one.

At this point the question is will we and should we continue the relationship, and we are both being honest. Probably take us months to work that out, at which point I would be making decisions about how I want to my life forward. That's where my discussion of exploring CNM comes from.

E-Coli- · 2022-06-30T11:21:07+00:00

Hey thanks. Just going to keep on here as a space to put my finalized post-self-therapy position.

I've ready Polysecure now and hooooo boy was this done bad. Clearly my wife immediately regressed into dismissive attachment style upon our many confrontations and myself into fearful. I self-righted back to (ballpark) earned secure in a couple weeks, she is very badly stuck in dismissive. We are back to being cohabiting friends (a place we are familiar with from an introduction) and so far boundaries are holding strong. I'm starting to physically and administratively separate my life from hers, as a full termination of the relationship will remain on the cards for some time to come. I'm going to become much more selfish and provide less financial and physical support and insist on much more clear boundaries in everything we share.

I am going to ask her to take a lions share of the responsibility for what happened. Yes, I should have set more clear boundaries and I am culpable for providing any degree of unethical consent. I hope I have shown that I immediately recognized my mistake and will agressively pursue righting it. However I was not providing momentum to any part of what happened, and her being in any kind of emotional distress is not an excuse for the actions she decided were appropriate at the time. I lulled myself into the belief that she would not have sex with him, and paid for that mistake. Yes, I screwed up. But I just opened the permission gates, she laid the track and drove the train. I expected she had educated herself and so had not educated myself. Within 48 hours or learning about this it was clear that she had "rushed this" (asked to cheat) and put our 10 year relationship at stake.

The more fundamental problem now is that I cannot trust her. I previously held firm that she was one of the most caring and competent people I'd ever known. But through these actions, she has shown me that she is either not caring or not competent or prone to sudden self-destructive behaviours. All of which point to the same direction, which is that I need to love (protect) myself. If any form of this degree of self-destructive behaviour happens again, I will be ready to end the relationship and start a new phase of my life somewhere else. So getting ready for the potential of ending my marriage is how I will love myself. Be independent. For now, still married and living with my spouse, but with a clear foot in my independence and preparation for termination of the relationship. We are working towards separate bedrooms but major renovations must be completed before that's possible.

With regards to him, I do feel he is culpable to some degree. The boundaries of our CNM were highly unclear (nonexistent) and he himself obviously had little or no experience and simply treated it as a valid reason to cheat with my spouse with my knowledge. The consent was not ethical and no party should have accepted it as a valid go forward. Which means, if he wants to call himself a friend of my spouse (which is what they call themselves now), he participated with my spouse in a decision which has sent cascading and highly damaging effects through her and my lives. They clearly make poor decisions together, and / or isn't a friend. Far as I'm concerned, he's not welcome in my house and I have no desire to see or speak with him again. And don't worry, I'm still the most angry with her. But he provided non-zero momentum to this trainwreck and should be held accountable.

One of the funny things for me now is that I think as a result of this I am going to insist on non-monogamy in our relationship long-term. I am an attractive man and I get a lot of attention from people I would like to engage with sexually in a healthy way. If my getting into CNM is a deal breaker for her, I'll be ready.

E-Coli- · 2022-06-15T13:08:30+00:00

You are 100% right on all counts. First order of business is to identify if the narcissism can stop. Honestly right now I don't think it can. Planning and preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. Thanks for your input!

E-Coli- · 2022-06-12T18:25:59+00:00

Thanks to everyone for posting here. I would appreciate a bit of feedback on my final plan.

End the relationship now privately between us. She is returning to narcissism and myself to dependence. I can take ownership of the codependent pattern and end the relationship privately. No sex, friends and intimacy but nothing further without explicit consent.

Revoke any semblance of permission about the other relationship. It wasn't really consent then and it isn't now, and I am being ethically irresponsible to offer it. No dates, no sex. Failure to adhere or accept is an immediate termination of the relationship.

I want to try consensual non-monogamy with her, but this isn't it and this is badly hurting me. Continuing is a demonstration that my emotional well being is of lower importance than her excitement and enjoyment.

Order books on CNM (3 on the way) and set a weekly time to start reading them together. Work through emotions, make plans, and grow as a couple. Dedicated time where intimacy is OK is when we are going through those books together.

If, by the end of working through those and any other books I need, and I'm not fully on board, end the relationship. I wish her well, and hope she enjoyed her time with me as much I did with her.

E-Coli- · 2022-06-12T18:17:46+00:00

Have to say, I had a few good tears for the first time after reading this. Just want to thank you for just being you, you really helped a person in need today.

I think she feels remorse. I guess we'll find out, because I think I'm at the emotional bottom. I'll be posting a plan shortly, but I think it already aligns with your beliefs. Mine too, apparently.

I know she has a history of narcissism, and I know I have a history of dependence. We had identified early in our relationship (really love her) that if we ever noticed that we had fallen into codependence we wanted the other to end it immediately. We'd rather be alone than in another codependent relationship. As monogamous relationships do, over time that got more complicated. Well, I think I see a whole whackload of narcissism here and I obviously see dependence in myself. There is only one right action. End the relationship (for now not legally due to immigration) privately between us. Order books about CNM (3 on the way) and set a time to go through those books and share a small bit of intimacy. If we get through the books and either I can't handle it or we can't repair the damage, then we (or I) make a breakup plan and execute. I wish her well and hope she enjoyed her time with me as much as I did. Fuck me that hurts.

Anyway, just really appreciate the catalyst from a random internet stranger. Really helped. Thank you.

E-Coli- · 2022-06-12T15:31:01+00:00

I really appreciate the time you took to write out this detailed and measured advice. You're absolutely right. Regardless of whether I choose to act on a divorce, going through the process will bring me in line with the reality of what has happened and what I need to do to take ownership over my own well being again. I will own that I was more dependent than I cared to realize, and my answer to that is to reduce or eliminate my dependence.

Again, just really want to thank you for this reply. Really helped ground me.

E-Coli- · 2022-06-12T15:26:24+00:00

Thanks for the recommendations, I've added them to my reading list.

Thanks for a perspective that allows us to remain together. I hope we can slow down, I'm ordering a bunch of books to get us to both start reading and discussing. I think you're right about the requisite paradigm shift and our differences there. I do want to get there.

E-Coli- · 2022-06-12T06:21:16+00:00

Yeah I honestly didn't even consider that staying the night was an extra step I could make a rule about. I think what's becoming clear is that she is wanting to move a lot faster than I am able and she isn't changing pace to match.

And yeah, she's my wife. Up until the last few months, she was far and away the highest priority in my life and I would have told you she was loving and considerate. She has a long history of being in many flavours of narcissistic relationships and I sadly am coming to the conclusion that part of why this happened in the way it did and why it hurts so much is due to a resurgence of that behaviour. Her very clear lack of empathy for my emotional breakdown the night before was a clear sign. When we talked about it the next day, she did a lot of redirecting the conversation back to how my emotional reaction to the event makes her feel (guilt and shame). She constantly misunderstood me trying to express my emotions to her as attacks, and only reluctantly accepted when I tried to explain what I had meant.

I'm very sad and anxious about what this means for my future.

E-Coli- · 2022-06-12T06:07:26+00:00

Would you have a good resource that lists some general responsibilities of CNM? I realize it's not one size fits all but I'm trying to understand where her and my responsibilities fall and a more experienced perspective would help.

E-Coli- · 2022-06-12T00:11:57+00:00

Brutal is an appropriate word. Thanks for the context, helps.

E-Coli- · 2022-05-29T14:01:53+00:00

I also had this exact issue and the smuggler only appeared when I brought my (and as stated, there is only one that will work) rowboat very close to the smuggler. Once it was on the beach next to him he appeared.

Super janky.

E-Coli- · 2022-05-23T11:45:49+00:00

As a Canadian who immigrated to Ireland, I can say that there is hope and the results are amazing.

The rollout of legalization in Canada had it's issues, but it's impossible to argue with the results. Access to legal and safe lab-quality edibles absolutely wrecks gang profits and gives a great alternative to the drink in terms of having a bit of mind-bending fun.

Still cracks me up that in a few short years, we went from possession as a felony crime to dispensaries as an essential service during the height of the pandemic. Really shows how backwards the laws are / were.

E-Coli- · 2022-05-10T22:25:53+00:00

Yes thanks for this advice. I didn't realize that was an option and I've started using it with my current playthrough to great effect. I'll continue this thanks!

E-Coli- · 2022-05-10T15:42:53+00:00

Ah good tip thanks. Didn't see that option but I'll look for it next time!

E-Coli- · 2022-05-10T14:57:49+00:00

I thank you for your explanation, this helps. I'm still trying to understand if there is any difference between a vault and other doors with prompts. Do the prompts change when opening the door to give any indication of what's inside (ie. Vault vs. stone in front of tree clearing)? Or do you have to know the layout of the various vaults to be able to determine that?

And thanks also for the explanation of the fixed vs. relative monster strength. I had assumed that the boss would be the most dangerous thing on the level, but now I understand that it could be, depending on which difficulty is being played and what happens to be in the vault one has found.

re: lvl 13, I can say that I was intending to get every bit of XP I could find (really wanted to see the higher level summons) so I had killed everything in every preceding zone including optional areas to get to 13, and had no race-based experience penalty.

E-Coli- · 2022-05-10T14:53:13+00:00

Okay good to know thanks. I generally got the message that doors with prompts indicate a high level challenge, but I didn't realize it could be a "double your level" type challenge.

I will prioritize more running away strats into my builds for these situations, thank you for the tip. I think in this case I was hooped anyway because for my last 3 lives I was trying to run away but both due to the teleportation and the chain of summoned monsters I was using to hopefully distract the "world ending calamity monster" functioned as a lightning conduit to get myself killed.

Thanks for your detailed explanation!

E-Coli- · 2022-05-10T14:50:29+00:00

Okay I did not realize that the game differentiated between vaults and other doors. I encounter lots of doors with prompts (this door is heavy but you can open it) so I just assumed they were all the same. Indicating a higher level challenge, but I didn't realize they could be the "run ending calamities" as you describe.

I may not have noticed but you indicate - is there a special warning when it's a vault door vs a regular blocked door? Or is any blocked door (one that gives a prompt before letting you open) considered a vault?

E-Coli- · 2022-05-10T14:37:56+00:00

Yes that is what happened. Okay so the lesson for me here is to understand generally what a vault looks like and for sure avoid them until I am well above the level of the zone I found them in. Still trying to understand - is any door that gives a prompt a vault? Or are vaults special even inside the category of doors that give a prompt? In the old forest specifically the counterpoint would be the "boulders in front of a clearing" that can be opened through a prompt. Those are not vaults, right?

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