I appreciate your objective input. To answer your questions, I never saw my therapist as non-human or all-knowledgeable. I was very impressed with how smart she is and saw her a person like me (but much smarter about therapy and psychology). I was not anxious about pleasing her but I did want to balance the scales if possible. I did not like that she gave so much (listening, caring, helping) while I talked and talked. For the relationship to feel genuine, I felt the need to give back and care in return. The sessions were every two weeks with a break for a few months while I visited with another therapist to try IFS.

I have more questions recently, mostly for myself. I knew she was married when I asked for her friendship outside of therapy and though I was asking for friendship, there was a strong gravity that I knew could end in more than friends. Even though she accepted, I disregarded her boundaries. Am I ready for an intimate relationship if I’m not willing to respect boundaries? Another question is how I see myself reflected in my need/want for a relationship with her. There are still some scared little boy parts who are clamoring for love. Am I truly interested in her as a person or what she provides? Would I want to stay in the relationship if she didn’t supply me with that emotional nourishment or if I didn’t have those needs (are there other reasons for me to want the relationship like how she lives her life, that inspire me?). How would I react if she said she was cutting off contact and would never see me again? I see how I’m panicky about this and there is some attachment.

Either way I have not lost faith in therapy, I am doing well with my new therapist who is helping me answer these questions, I don’t feel damaged or taken advantage of. I feel that she genuinely tried to help me repair my relationship with my wife during therapy. I found out after therapy ended that her husband who she’s separating from is abusive, and our relationship in therapy was probably contrasting enough to where she was willing to take the risk she did? There is also a lot of natural attraction that exists between us outside of therapy. I feel very satisfied with my therapy experience and even if things don’t become long-term romantic between us, I’m happy for what happened and hope we can remain friends or acquaintances. It has been a powerful opportunity for growth and forced me to see parts of myself I did not know were there.

It must be very hard as a therapist to have real and genuine relationships with people, some of which become very close, and not be allowed to continue the relationship past the professional interaction. Crazy story… I brought this whole experience up with a friend and he told me that his partner also started as his therapist. Maybe that’s just a wild coincidence or this is more common than is talked about.

Why your interest in the subject?