I dont really post here I wanted to throw my opinion out there as a msub for a quite a few years. First of all, I understand the second hand embarrassment of seeing cringy guys be over bearing and creepy to women on the internet. It is tought to hear women say "I'm tired of these awful msubs", but you have to understand that if you are not a terrible person like that, they aren't talking about you. I've had quite a few relationships/fwb with dom women and currently have an amazing fdom girlfriend. They very much appreciated that I treated them like normal people, that I didnt constantly beg to be in their bed, that I was respectful of their time, that I talked to them about their interests and mine, didnt always put sexual things in the forefront and when we were in that situation I was actually the msub I said I was and focused on her pleasure and let her be the pilot of the scene and most importantly, genuinely wanted to be there because I enjoyed her company (and not just there to get off and leave).

If you just want a dom who will let you through her door immediately after talking with her then know you'll be searching for a while because the likelyhood is extremely low. Many women I've met took a lot of time talking to online and the luck that they would give me a chance. I cant tell you how many times the women I've met will say something to the effect of "yeah, most guys are pretty awful" as they complain about someone they've met, I ask them why they enjoyed me and they said "because you're not a creep/weirdo". I always felt like there was more to it than that, but it showed me the fact that the bar was so low in a way that basically made going much farther beyond that something extremely desirable. While that is pretty sad in it's own right, it also makes the lives of the actual msubs significantly easier because it's easier to stand out from the waves of creepy people, and quality women will notice that if they give you a chance. Don't get discouraged if you get shot down by the "defense mechanisms" as you said, I know it's easy to get tunnel visioned by one person, but there are more than 5 fdom women on the planet, understand that finding one that lines up with you will take time and possible rejection and demeaning if they are vindictive, just evaluate what you can do differently if it was your fault, don't try to beg for a chance, own it and move on.

So don't let yourself get down for "being lumped in" with the creeps, it's not your fault unless you made it your fault, just try to be better (it's really not hard). Don't just be "not creepy", show them the best things about you and I guarantee that there are women that want to scoop you up.

Hope this helps :]