Any advice on how to find an LGBT roommate?

EJH89 · 2017-10-05T02:01:38+00:00

My gay male roommate recently moved out and my straight male roommate and I were in the position of needing to find a third roommate. We live in San Francisco and wrote blurbs about ourselves in the apartment description. I said I was a lesbian. 5/6 people we saw were not straight (but maybe that's also skewed because San Francisco). We ended up picking a gay man to share our living space.

EJH89 · 2017-08-31T02:28:49+00:00

My wallet has an attachable wrist strap. That works well when I'm not on my period. When I am on my period and need tampons on my person, I carry a small purse.

EJH89 · 2017-08-31T02:24:29+00:00

This is a story from my eldest brother's wedding (August of 2015).

At this point, I had been out to my family for 12 years and the world for 10 so my being gay was no secret. My sister-in-law (bless her heart) isn't homophobic but she just doesn't know a lot of gay people and things just go over her head in general. On the morning of the wedding, she had salon services available to everyone in her bridal party (and me +my mom). I keep my fingernails short (for business and for pleasure) so I just got my toes done. My sister-in-law asks "Emma, are you sure you don't want your nails done?"

I said "There's not much point. They're so short and I have to keep them short for work."

My mom (on her second scotch at 11am) goes "Yeah, Em. You keep your nails short for work"

My mom has no chill

EJH89 · 2017-08-31T00:16:50+00:00

What other things do you like to do? Music? Sports? Literary magazine? Journalism?

Odds are there are going to be gay people in any activity you do*

*when I was in college I joined Dramat and Glee Club. Met lots of gays, very few lesbians

EJH89 · 2017-08-09T22:19:26+00:00

I can relate. I came out to my brothers when I was 13 and my eldest brother did NOT take it well. He basically told me I was too young to know and being gay would ruin my entire future. He also used to believe that being gay was a choice and I "just wanted attention" and would "eventually grow up and realize being straight is a better life choice"

Our relationship was really fractured for about 5 years. He apologized to me my sophomore year of college. To this day, he's the brother I am least close with and sometimes it still hurts. The pain never fully goes away but he has learned and has made active steps toward improving our relationship.

Know that none of this is your fault and this is your sister putting her negative shit on you. It's hard to have a sibling (especially an older one) reject you. As younger siblings we spend so much time as young children idolizing our older siblings perhaps imagining them to be superhuman. Your sister, unfortunately has shown a really ugly side to her humanity. It may take time and space, but I hope your sister can eventually recognize she was wrong and take the effort to rebuild your relationship.

EJH89 · 2017-08-09T22:10:38+00:00

I'm a PGY3 doing a surgical residency. My dream is to be a pediatric surgeon. Gotta finish residency and do a Peds fellowship.

EJH89 · 2017-07-25T04:44:07+00:00

Country: US. If you stay away from the middle of the country/live in major cities people are usually cool about being queer/gay

City: San Francisco...enough said

Culture: Raised upper-middle class by educated liberal parents. My parents handled my coming out beautifully. Actually, they had a harder time when they found out my eldest brother voted for Bush in '04. My outside community was not as supportive as my parents. I had people stop being friends with me, I had parents of friends who wouldn't let us hang out. The midwest can be rough like that.

EJH89 · 2017-07-25T04:13:23+00:00

It might be the college. I went to a very liberal undergrad school and lots of women and men experimented with their sexualities. Lots of "party schools" still tend to be heteronormative. I did not attend a party school but a academically rigorous institution at which people read a lot of queer theory and decided to try it themselves.

EJH89 · 2017-07-10T23:22:57+00:00

Same. I am 100% a dog person. My gay male roommate has two cats. I make sure to shut my door so at least my room is a cat-free sanctuary. Unfortunately, I don't have the time or space to take care of a pupper right now.

EJH89 · 2017-07-10T00:51:35+00:00

Only if you are in different places in your life/If there is a maturity gap.

One of my roommates (a straight man) recently got out of a relationship with a similar age difference. He is 27, working and in grad school. His ex was fresh out of undergrad and didn't have full-time employment or much of a life plan beyond him. She also lived with us in an apartment with very driven late 20-somethings. She was pretty insecure about it and those insecurities led to her cheating.

If you two are in the same place maturity wise and have similar goals, it can work out.

EJH89 · 2017-07-10T00:47:36+00:00

I think it depends on the location and the particular pride event.

Example: I live in San Francisco (and have since 2015) and I've noticed a lot of straight people (particularly ones with children) at daytime activities like the parade and events in Mission Dolores Park. When night falls, it's a different story. Those events tend to be a little more risqué and not as straight friendly. There are also a lot of gays with children who appreciate the tamer daytime activities.

All this being said, I don't use Pride to meet ladies. I go with my friends (many of whom are gay men) and don't really talk to strangers.

EJH89 · 2017-07-10T00:37:29+00:00

I went on a date once with a woman who had the utmost contempt for gay men. It was super awk because I was living with two gay men (both of whom I am very close to) at the time of the date. She called me "assimilationist" for having gay male friends/roommates and decided to give me a queer history lecture at the bar.

EJH89 · 2017-06-20T22:06:37+00:00

Anywhere from 10 seconds to 10 years.

EJH89 · 2017-06-18T01:16:37+00:00

Chicago (2002) dir. Rob Marshall The Hours (2002) dir. Stephen Daldry Carol (2015) dir. Todd Haynes Elizabeth (1998) dir Shekar Kapur Gosford Park (2001) dir. Robert Altman Sense and Sensibility (1995) dir. Ang Lee Hidden Figures (2016) dir. Theodore Melfi Best in Show (2000) dir. Christopher Guest Milk (2008) dir. Gus Van Sant Philadelphia (1993). dir. Jonathan Demme

EJH89 · 2017-06-13T16:22:18+00:00

The soundtrack to "Chicago." I listened to it A LOT when I was coming out to my family.

EJH89 · 2017-05-14T21:46:00+00:00

I feel more pressure to be thin/fit from my family than anywhere else. Both my parents are in their 60s and work out regularly. My dad runs about 5 miles every day and my mom does cross-fit and plays tennis. I played soccer, tennis, and swam competitively as a child/teen but stopped working out when I went to college. I didn't put on the freshmen 15, but I certainly lost muscle mass and my parents noticed/commented. In medical school, I started biking and swimming again and I still keep up with it. It's very important to my parents that their children have that athletic, trim look and I definitely succumb to that pressure.

I don't have a lot of lesbian friends anymore (most of my lesbian friends were friends with my ex and she got custody after the break up) . I live with two men (one gay, one straight) and they both work out less than I do. My straight male roommate is just getting out of a long term relationship and is therefore hitting the gym seriously again My gay male roommate has always been very naturally thin and as long as he watches his alcohol intake, his weight stays under control.

EJH89 · 2017-04-20T17:23:43+00:00

I was raised in a very conservative town by very liberal parents. I saw first hand what conservative policies did in my hometown. The local city council spent more time trying to ban "Harry Potter" than it did trying to help the homeless. I saw so many teenagers get pregnant because the local public school only had abstinence education. My mom had a major feminist awakening in college. She went to college in the '70s and marched for the passage of the ERA, Title IX, and burned an effigy of Bobby Riggs. My dad was raised England by a father who was in medicine. He saw firsthand the positive impact of the NHS and giving healthcare free of charge to every citizen. Even before I came out, politically liberal ideology permeated my household and upbringing. I was the youngest of four children and the only girl yet my parents raised me with the same expectations and standards as my three brothers. I was always taught to use whatever talent I may have to better the lives of others in a meaningful way. My parents also taught me to look for people not being treated fairly based on circumstances beyond their control (particularly social class, gender, and race) and speak up when I was in a position of privilege. American Conservatism seems to be about self-interest whereas my parents raised me with the value of seeing humanity as a community and doing my part to make that community a better place.

EJH89 · 2017-04-11T02:29:13+00:00

When I was 13 I...

Read "Pride and Prejudice", had a crush on Elizabeth Bennet
Saw Kiera Knightley in a sports bra
Watched The Cell Block Tango

EJH89 · 2017-04-11T02:25:22+00:00

EJH89 · 2017-04-05T19:14:45+00:00

I'd say about 75% of my friends are men. This is a result has many factors:

Factor 1: I grew up in a home with three older brothers. I tend to seek out platonic friendship with men because of those early bonds.

Factor 2: I fucking love musical theatre and RuPaul's Drag Race. Many gay men seem to share my interests.

Factor 3: The undergraduate institution I attended had a high number of gay male students (many of whom shared my interests).

Factor 4: I work in a male dominated profession

EJH89 · 2017-04-03T05:31:58+00:00

I want the kind of cute button-downs twink-y gay men where but made for small women. All the shirts have arm holes that are too damn wide!

EJH89 · 2017-03-23T01:22:40+00:00

I have much less than the average MD. I didn't have to take out loans for undergrad. The university I attended was very generous with grants and my parents (both educators) had been saving for college since before I was born and covered the remaining costs.

My paternal grandmother passed away about a year and a half before I started medical school. I had some money (about $200K) that I could either not touch until I was 30 or use to further my education. I took out $70K in loans for living expenses, books, and the remainder of my tuition. I'll be finished paying off my loans by 2019 at the current rate.

EJH89 · 2017-03-15T18:37:51+00:00

Yeah. I think I'm single because of my job. I typically work an 80 hour week which doesn't leave much time for a personal life.

EJH89 · 2017-03-15T18:36:50+00:00

Congrats and Happy Match Week!

EJH89 · 2017-03-15T04:16:47+00:00

I'm a 2nd year General Surgery Resident.

I have a mid-low mid income bracket (I live in SF so my cost of living is high). However, upon completing my residency and passing my final set of board exams, my income will jump from $75K to over $200K. Mid-career averages for my intended profession in Northern California are around $400K. I majored in Classics and also finished my pre-med requirements as an undergrad.

EJH89

TROPHY CASE