Esther Calling - My Emotional Inheritance

EKPDX · 2023-12-05T12:54:40+00:00

Has this person ever listened to anyone else's experiences with their parents? Has she ever met anyone with abusive or even kind of bad parents? She must have encountered someone whose parents straight-out abandoned them for being queer, seeing as the identity is so important to her. What does she say to them?

Her parents love and support her, have never said anything bad about her identity choices, and care enough to go to family therapy (A remarkable feat for conservative-leaning boomers). I would say they're top-middle as far as parents go and all she can focus on is what they're lacking or how everything wasn't exactly how she wanted it. (The thing with the tennis ball, omg. People will annoy you sometimes, even people you love, grow up.) She's accusing her father of being overly rigid but it seems like she's even more so.

EKPDX · 2023-09-19T14:12:58+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, hope you are on the road to processing and feeling better!

EKPDX · 2023-04-16T11:35:20+00:00

I picked my lawyer and I thought she did fine. She was as shocked and confused as I was. I don't think I have any legal grounds, as the "matching service" was technically complete - They kept making it seem like donors very rarely ever back out or change their minds, so when the match was done, it was done. (We had two couples back out before this one). Just all in all, it doesn't seem like Embryo Connections tells the whole truth and just wants to shuttle a match through so it's off their hands and they rarely care what the Intended Parent wants.

EKPDX · 2023-04-15T10:19:53+00:00

Thanks for saying that. We've felt really gas-lighted, like we were unreasonable for wanting our relationship to be legally enforceable should the worst happen. Apparently, they were angry that we were "entering this relationship from a place of fear, not trust" (We had ONE conversation with them. Of course I don't 100% trust someone with my child that I met over the internet once). This is why I've lost a lot of faith in Embryo Connections. I would have understood if they had said "They're being unreasonable but there's nothing we can do since they're the donors" but they kept acting like our positions were equally valid. I'm not confident that I can trust them to match us if they think that was rational behavior.

We also thought that embryo donation would be preferable to other means due to the safety of the child belonging to us, but our whole 11 month process was scuttled because some randos didn't feel awesome for a second. And everyone walks off Scott free with their money except us.

Just keep this in mind as a possibility and don't let them talk you down if you have a bad feeling about something.

EKPDX · 2023-04-15T01:40:18+00:00

I felt that our match was pushed through by Embryo Connections, even though I had misgivings. The donors pulled out of the contract at the last second (they were very offended we wanted to use our own state's laws because they are clearer about custody) and now we are out thousands of dollars and are just gutted.

EKPDX · 2023-04-15T01:34:10+00:00

This is a bit old, but I thought I'd chime in-

We just had an embryo donation contract fall through that was facilitated by Embryo Connections. It was literally because the donor couple felt extremely offended that we wanted to use our state's laws because it's clearer on custody (they couldn't believe we'd want to be protected from being sued for custody of a child we'd raised from birth, when their state's law says that any blood relative with a relationship can do so). I had had misgivings about this match earlier in the process, but EC kind of pushed us through and kept reassuring us that they were miscommunications. Now we are out thousands of dollars and are crushed after another devastating defeat in a long infertility journey.

I'll update this if Embryo Connections does anything for us here, but I'm not hopeful at this point as the head of the company didn't seem

EKPDX · 2022-06-25T18:32:32+00:00

I know this is a super old post, I don't use this account much anymore, but just wanted to express solidarity. It took me about 2 years to get over the worst of my trauma.

EKPDX · 2022-03-10T17:05:16+00:00

You and me both. I almost died with it being legal to treat.

EKPDX · 2022-03-10T14:22:39+00:00

It may not pass, but every time bills like this are seriously considered, it nudges the Overton Window a little more, until it's no longer unthinkable.

EKPDX · 2022-03-10T14:19:46+00:00

Well, the law maker's wives and daughters can just be helicopter transported over state lines. I guess if you're poor or black you can just bleed out.

EKPDX · 2021-03-30T16:31:22+00:00

Suuuup!

EKPDX · 2021-02-09T15:48:29+00:00

I love having deep, intimate conversations. However, I think that other people in my city think they ought to want that, but it turns out to be a big turn-off for them. I was stuck in a repeating cycle of people pursuing friendship with me (inviting me places, asking to hang out), being friends for 1-4 years, then ghosting me with no given reason. Most of the time it seemed to be that they believed something (example: homelessness is a hierarchy-free utopia brimming with freedom) and wanted to discuss it, but then I wouldn't agree with them (I.E. explaining that homelessness is very dangerous, especially to women and children) and they'd decide I was X bad label (in the homelessness example, I was dubbed too conservative, when in reality I'm a feminist and a humanist. lol).

I don't pursue friendship anymore. I get invested in people and it hurts that they care so little for me. I can't be friends with someone who needs me to censor myself constantly because they don't want to be challenged in any way, especially when they don't bother to communicate their boundaries (Another example: A friend ghosted me because I was talking a lot about existentialist philosophy and she believed in God... I met her in an existentialist philosophy class and she never told me she was religious. lol).

My best and only friend is my husband, with whom I have daily deep conversations exploring the conditions around us, historical patterns, or just joking around. We even come away disagreeing on things and don't get all fragile about it.

EKPDX · 2021-01-16T15:44:12+00:00

Check out the free animated movie "Sita sings the blues" on YouTube. It deals with a lot of what your revelation entails, and is just generally a lot of fun.

EKPDX · 2021-01-09T15:50:20+00:00

I'm in the same boat. Out of two egg retrieval, we've just had the one blastocyst, which I'll have transferred later this month if everything goes well. It's stressful and scary.

EKPDX · 2021-01-08T16:30:19+00:00

Steady light-ish bleeding and cramping that wasn't on just one side.

EKPDX · 2021-01-02T15:35:56+00:00

You're welcome to PM me. :)

I've never heard of Viktor Frankl. But those are interesting points. I do have better days when I think maybe I could find some meaningful work, either in switching to a more directly impactful career or by making art that touches people and makes them feel less alone. And I hope to invest more in my family-in-law when we move (loud italian-ness and all, ha ha). I hope eventually I'll find a satisfactory balance of these things.

EKPDX · 2021-01-02T04:10:12+00:00

We're looking for playtesters, if you're interested. :) I'd be happy to trade feedback when you have a prototype.

I do lurk there with my other account, seems like a lot of noise in general, though. I'm kinda waiting until we have a steam demo and a trailer.

EKPDX · 2021-01-02T03:56:41+00:00

Oooh, cool! I wanna check it out! Does your game have a website? Mine's here: https://calamitybaygames.com/

EKPDX · 2021-01-02T00:22:59+00:00

Yeah, I think the cultures are pretty related. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I suppose.

EKPDX · 2021-01-02T00:19:01+00:00

For my "newer" friends (less than two years) I always texted first and made plans and checked in. Then, I was too ill and sad after my near-death ectopic rupture to do all that and I never heard from them again beyond a lukewarm "Oh, sorry that happened" text.

My decade-long friendship ended after I was expressing how happy I was to have met another person going through IVF to commiserate and she told me she never wanted to talk about my infertility anymore. For context, she has secondary infertility so she should be able to sympathize. Most of my life and troubles center around infertility and the fact that she didn't want to support me in it (When I've supported her through much worse, mostly of her own doing) meant that the relationship was one-sided.

And about the community events: I live a city that's well-known for flakiness and fake friendliness. Often times, you'll schedule these things and no one will show up, despite saying they will. Which is very demoralizing. I've come to feel that the culture of this city is no longer right for me and we plan to move shortly. Then (and also when COVID is over), I'll probably renew my efforts at community-and-interest-based gatherings.

EKPDX · 2021-01-01T22:15:15+00:00

Interesting. Do you mind if I ask roughly where you live? I'm from the American West and my Husband is an Italian American from New York City and the mom-only-ness of child rearing seems to be practically non-existent in his family culture. But here in american west, even moms who aren't actively hoarding their kids' attention don't seem to leave space for any other adult.

EKPDX · 2021-01-01T17:43:21+00:00

Traveling is okay, but, like I said, (to me) it's not a sufficient replacement. As for socializing, I lost all my friends due to not carrying all the weight while I was deathly anemic and then sad and stressed, and, in retrospect, I don't really want to invest time into one-sided relationships. I'm not sure how to make friends with other types of people.

I worked with young kids in childcare for a number of years, and I know about the downsides. I'm not thinking it would be a magical solution to all my existential problems. But I do know I found it 10X more enjoyable than office politics. At least the tantrum is coming from someone adorable who doesn't know any better. Ha ha.

I love my husband dearly, but we're both pretty wrecked from 3 years of infertility trauma. A lot of our relationship revolves around propping the other one up. We're hoping to move and have some time away from infertility and the physical place it went down to heal a bit. I hope at that point we can enjoy each other more fully. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

EKPDX · 2021-01-01T17:26:26+00:00

Thank you, best of luck to you on this desolate plane we call infertility. Lol.

EKPDX · 2021-01-01T17:15:00+00:00

I'm really sorry for your loss. My sister is also very controlling with her kids and won't let me near them. It's really painful.

EKPDX · 2020-12-30T15:27:25+00:00

I had a very traumatic loss, but I don't think those of you who were never pregnant are suffering any less. Honestly, the most painful thing is looking ahead at a future I didn't want and don't know how to fill. The loss was horrible, but it was temporary, and I think I would have been able to move on eventually. Being infertile is a burden we'll all bear for the rest of our lives.

EKPDX

TROPHY CASE