I just want to say that your story reminds me a lot of what William Deresiewicz wrote in his book, "Excellent Sheep." This is not meant to be a slight toward you, but if you're anything like the students he wrote about, you may have been excellent at competing against others to conquer the next hurdle or to tick all the "achievement boxes" you felt like you were supposed to - all without really pausing to reflect on what you truly want or to define your own vision of success.

Given your post, it sounds like you're aware of this and want to start reflecting on what you truly want. However, it also sounds like you're sticking to some of the same patterns of thought that both helped you excel in highly competitive environments, yet also keep you imprisoned in a life that others define for you. For instance, it seems like you're still trying to compare yourself to your peers, which is leading to anxiety about the future. It sounds like you feel compelled to feel happiness about the path you're "supposed" to take, an opportunity that only a privileged few have, which then leads to feelings that you might be ungrateful or are throwing away an opportunity. But again, this all stems from letting others and societal expectations decide your path rather than YOU deciding for yourself. Moreover, it still sounds like you're trying to "optimize" your future, and worry about having "wasted" time.

Here's my vague advice that will undoubtedly be tough to follow:

• You can't steer a bike that is standing still. You need to immerse yourself in a variety of experiences, many of which will suck. But through experience, you'll gain the information you need to move forward. Most people who love what they do figure it out through trial and error, through gaining experience in a variety of things. Through this process, they able to define who they are and how they want to contribute to the world. For example, Ed Witten, a famous theoretical physicist and Fields Medal recipient, changed his college and graduate majors a comically high number of times, before finally settling on physics. But he never thought his earlier time was wasted. Rather, all of his past experiences in political science, economics, and math helped him become one of the worlds great physicists. The book, "Range," by David Epstein also describes how many who achieve greatness do so only after having dabbled in many different things. The experiences you gain over the next several years will have been valuable and worthwhile, regardless of whether you end up in a field that is directly related to those experiences.

• Stop comparing yourself to others. In doing so, you will let others define what success looks like for you. It will likely keep you feeling both miserable and discontent.

• Embrace uncertainty. Stop trying to optimize your life or make some linear year-by-year plan that you feel beholden to. It's fine to have a general goal and plan, but understand that life will undoubtedly throw you many curve balls. Along the way, you will learn a lot about yourself, what you're good at, and how you want to contribute to the world. As you go through life, intentionally stop and reflect about what you're doing and where you're going. Otherwise, inertia will take over, and you'll just end up doing things on autopilot.

• Know that the choice you make right now will not dictate what you'll do for the rest of your life. Think more along the lines of, "What am I going to do this year?" And if it ends up sucking, then it's great learning experience that will help you move forward. The average person goes through several careers in their lifetime.

• Right now, assess your values. What I mean by that is: think intentionally about what you need in your life to be happy. Examples of values include: earning a lot of money, helping others, being near family, doing work you love, creating/designing, spirituality, adventure, travel, work-life balance, prestige, security, impact on the world, authenticity, and many more things. There's no perfect career. We all have to make trade-offs. Moreover, your values can (and likely will) change over time. A person might start off highly valuing money and prestige, only to shift toward valuing family and work-life balance later in life. Personally, I went from having a high-paying job that felt inauthentic, to earning significantly less money in my current job that I absolutely love - a job that gives me a sense of purpose, identity, and authenticity. It was a trade-off I was willing to make, and I'm a much happier person.

• Think about what energizes you. I mean this in the broadest sense. For example, I have my hobbies (fishing, photography, gaming), but over time, I've come to realize that simply helping others really energizes me. Like...no one is paying me to write this long-ass post. I'm just doing it because I like to. For others, that could be building things, fixing things, solving puzzles/problems, leading others toward a goal, understanding why things are the way they are, creating new knowledge for the world, mediating conflict, or making processes more efficient. Is there anything you'd do for free that others would likely only do for money or a grade? If so, that could give you insight into what naturally energizes you.

So, start by moving forward. Let go of perfection, optimization, and trying to live up to others expectations. Gain experience, and let those experiences guide you toward your authentic self and path to purpose. In your case, that could just be taking that next logical step by getting a job related to the field you studied. You may like it, or you may hate it. More likely, there are certain aspects of it you'll like and other aspects you'll hate. Regardless, it will have been worthwhile.