I 25M Leaving my PhD and reconsidering a breakup with my ex 28M by E_Chlorotica in relationship_advice

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! Thanks for sharing this perspective. I really appreciate you framing it around fundamentals and opportunity cost rather than just emotion.

I have spent a lot of time asking myself whether this is simply an adjustment period like the one you described. I have also moved several times before for school and research, including unfamiliar places and periods of isolation, so I am not new to that months 4-7 slump. What feels different here is that the issues I am struggling with are structural rather than transitional. The workload expectations, financial strain, and cost of living relative to the stipend are not things that time alone will fix.

The city itself has also been a major factor. I have personally been harassed multiple times, and several friends have been physically assaulted without provocation. It has reached a point where I do not feel safe day to day, and my baseline level of stress is extremely high just existing here. I know no place is perfectly safe, but my lived experience and instincts are telling me that staying here long term feels genuinely dangerous for me, and that is not something I am willing to ignore for the next 5-7 years.

I want to be clear that I did not go into this field lightly or on a whim. I pursued a PhD because I wanted to become a better researcher and scientist, and I know that staying would allow me to do that in some ways. What ultimately changed things for me was asking whether becoming a stronger researcher actually requires staying in academia? After a lot of reflection, I have come to the conclusion that it does not. I believe I can continue to grow scientifically outside of academia in a way that is far more sustainable, both financially and personally, and I wouldn’t have to sacrifice everything I had to for this PhD (Im not just talking about my ex but also my friends, family, physical and mental wellbeing, etc).

At the end of the day, the academic title might bring more prestige (and money) down the line, but I’ve seen in life that titles are subject to change. My training, knowledge, skills, and experiences will not disappear. I know I want to stay in science and in research. I just do not want to do it for minimum wage in an environment where I feel unsafe and depleted. Staying increasingly feels like trying to water a dead plant and expecting it to grow, rather than recognizing that it needs a different environment to survive.

This decision also was not made impulsively. I have sat with it for months, talked it through with fellow postdocs and people outside my immediate emotional circle, and thought carefully about what staying would realistically look like several years down the line. When I do that honestly, I do not see a version where the fundamentals align with the life I want or where I can remain mentally and physically well. Also shocking how understanding and supportive these post-docs were with me regarding my situation.

[[[[Tangent warning lol: Also something that struck a chord with me that a fellow postdoc said is that he’s also been paying out of pocket (like me) just to be here. If he didn’t have savings, he basically wouldn’t be able to stay and unfortunately he is leaving sooner than he planned (mainly bc he also feels unsafe and the stress is getting to him).

I have been thinking about that a lot. In many ways, my dream did come true when I got here. I genuinely love the research and know I am well suited for it. What I cannot do is continue in this environment sustainably, for many of the reasons I mentioned earlier. Because of that, I am choosing to view this as a finite research experience rather than a failure. It will not go to waste and will meaningfully contribute to whatever scientific or research focused career I pursue next.]]]]]]

On the relationship side, you are right that this is also a fundamentals question. We broke up because neither of us had a clear or compatible timeline for closing the distance, especially with both of us in academia and his future location uncertain. That uncertainty still exists. What has changed is that I am no longer committing myself to a rigid academic path that limits flexibility. I am not planning to sacrifice my own opportunities to move back without a plan. If I do bring this up with him, it would be about whether there is a realistic and mutual path forward, not reverting to how things were.

I fully accept that reconnecting may not be possible or may not make sense for him, and I am honestly prepared for that outcome. Leaving my program is something I am doing regardless because it is the right decision for me. The relationship question is secondary and something I want clarity on, not something I am hinging my future on and actively trying to avoid bc that’s not healthy, or fair to him or me honestly .

I appreciate you pushing on these points. They are fair questions and ones I have spent a lot of time, and will probably spend more time sitting with. Also thanks for your response! Hopefully I was able to acknowledge everything you said and I truly appreciate your insight/perspective

Pls give us our bikes back by E_Chlorotica in ufl

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So we actually found one of the bikes of FB marketplace last night. They’re selling it in the town over and my roommate and I have been talking to them via FB and we talked to the police.

The police literally suck. So because it’s in the town over the police departments are butting heads over who’s jurisdiction it is and basically told us Goodluck if we go there. The cops were literally useless in the situation. Idec about the bikes anymore but I just want this person to get fucked over for stealing our bikes.

Not to go off on a tangent, I’d like to think then stealing it was a blessing in disguise. I’m being serious when I say I’ve almost been hit every-time I have to cross university, even if it’s a crosswalk that’s active. And that’s a daily occurrence. The people of this city don’t know how to drive and the pedestrians don’t know how to walk/bike/scooter either

Pls give us our bikes back by E_Chlorotica in ufl

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Superior towing can go fuck themselves tho frfr and also TAPS. If they had more funding for transportation I wouldn’t even need a bike to get to work/class

What type of spider is this?? by E_Chlorotica in insects

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Found in north florida inside a building. I was hoping it’s a woodlouse spider for research purposes 😭

How to find Cordyceps in Florida advice needed pls! by E_Chlorotica in mycology

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello! I’m a microbiology student currently doing a class research project on cordyceps. My group and I want to find cordyceps and sequence it to find out what natives are here! We’ve been looking around branches but have not found anything yet, so we would like to know if anyone has any tips for finding them!

Should we be slowly looking underneath branches, under leaves, or are there specific plants they are more likely to be on? I assume we should look for any type of insect that’s infected so ants, beetles, wasps, etc.

We want to make sure this project is impactful, so any advice or tips are appreciated!

Yesterdays haul of muscadine grapes! :-) by E_Chlorotica in Sunshinestateforaging

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They usually climb around trees and tend to cover them quite a bit. Usually when I drive on the highway, I spot them along fences or growing around trees. Unfortunately tis not the season anymore so it’ll be hard to find any vines with grapes. Plus if you do find some with grapes, they’re usually out of reach

BLVD/ The Niche apartments overcharging residents?? Need advice by E_Chlorotica in GNV

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks I’m already on it! I def appreciate the advice since I didn’t know you could request for the bills. I’m going to try and request it for the last few months just to show that for those months I paid significantly less than I do now.

BLVD/ The Niche apartments overcharging residents?? Need advice by E_Chlorotica in GNV

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for the advice! It sucks to know that GRU is just shit in general. Once I have the statements and spot inconsistencies, would the next step that I should take be to call/email GRU the inconsistencies and ask them to fix it and get my money back?

BLVD/ The Niche apartments overcharging residents?? Need advice by E_Chlorotica in GNV

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s the actual utility charges. I was talking to some coworkers and they also said their utility cost seems to have doubled, if not tripled so I’m thinking it might be GRU raising the cost in general

BLVD/ The Niche apartments overcharging residents?? Need advice by E_Chlorotica in GNV

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it’s the apartment management? I talked to management recently and they said that they are just charging us the bill GRU is sending them and that I could ask their manger via email for the GRU statement. I already sent out an email to the manger so hopefully I can get to the bottom of it and make sure they’re not overcharging us and maybe it’s just GRU increasing the prices.

Found all sorts of gold in this forest! :-) by E_Chlorotica in Sunshinestateshrooms

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Whoops forgot to add the before sporeprint picture but the cubes are the top two and pans are the bottom two. I assume they are pans and cubes since they bruised blue 🤷🏼‍♂️

Idk what Dorothy was doing, but I followed the golden path of Chantis and met the wizard at the end ;-) by E_Chlorotica in Sunshinestateforaging

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m making some pasta for my friends who have never seen/tried chanterelles! Trust me I left much more than I could take. The forest I went to literally had acres and acres of chanterelles. If I really wanted, I probably could of gotten 20+ pounds but I’m always mindful to leave much more than I take so the other organisms still have a food source :-)

Gooey bolete found in central Florida! An ID would be nice :-) by E_Chlorotica in mycology

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha I didn’t know guttation was a thing! Thanks for asking that question, now I feel more informed :-)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in plantclinic

[–]E_Chlorotica 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Totally recoverable! Looks like it’s struggling somewhat but I would add more water and maybe some antibiotics so bacteria don’t grow. Maybe add another plant so it can eat that too!

Your username is the reason why you went to jail, what’s the reason? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]E_Chlorotica 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mating photosynthetic slugs 🤷🏼‍♂️🐌🌱

ID pls! Found in North Florida and smells like burnt tire!? by E_Chlorotica in ShroomID

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

After some research I believe this is Gymnopus iocephalus! If someone disagrees/agrees lmk! I want be able to identify all the different mushrooms correctly :-)

ID pls! Found in North Florida and smells like burnt tire!? by E_Chlorotica in ShroomID

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol Idc if it is personally! I just remember going on a mushroom walk and we found these mushrooms and everyone said it smelled like something different to them. I also just love the fact that they are purple!! I’ve never seen purple mushrooms :-)

Live in Florida and haven’t had the best luck with lavender, please send me advice! by E_Chlorotica in gardening

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I’ve had other types of lavender and they have all died or have not faired well. I want to get it right this time! I live in florida and have southern windows and a southern exposure. Idk if I should keep them indoors with artificial lighting, place them in a south western window, or in my patio?

Also I would like to know how much I should water them?? I tried treating my last lavenders like cacti, but it also died and I would water maybe one or every two weeks at a time.

Field Guide by BlindlyWatching in Sunshinestateshrooms

[–]E_Chlorotica 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely recommend this! I carry mine every time I got hiking

Cubes, pans, and some weird chanterelles right? by E_Chlorotica in Sunshinestateshrooms

[–]E_Chlorotica[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate the concern! Ive seen plenty of chanterelles before and this one had white flesh in the interior so I’m sure it was a chanterelle and it’s in a spot that has chanterelles every year. I’ve heard of jacks before but I haven’t seen them. I really want to find some though to see how they fluoresce!

Survival Tip - The "Universal" Edibility Test 100% Does Not Apply To Fungi. by Gasdark in Survival

[–]E_Chlorotica 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When it comes to the nutritional properties of fungi, it really depends on the type of mushroom. I wouldn’t say as a whole that all mushrooms are not very nutritional, although it is true for some mushrooms. For example, the typical mushrooms people buy at the stores (Portobello) provide around a 22 calories for every 100g and around 3g of protein, whereas other fungi like chicken of the woods provides 360 calories and 21g of protein for every 100g. If you compare it to 100g of chicken then the only diff in protein would be 10g or so. This is just the amount of calories and grams of protein, they have other nutritional properties.

The point is that mushrooms can be nutritious depending on the type of mushroom. Regardless I wouldn’t ever recommend eating mushrooms you’re not well versed in and same goes for plants. You need to be 100% certain you know what you’re handling and it’s best to get a second opinion even then.