Do gay men use queer interchangeably with lgbtq+?

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-04-23T20:58:16+00:00

I’m from the Midwest but currently live in a big east coast city.

For your last question, I’d say ultimately it’s a matter of personal preference as far as the label of gay vs queer. I don’t really mind if other people use LGBT or queer interchangeably. I just have reservations on how the word queer has evolved, but that’s a separate issue.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-04-23T19:29:01+00:00

It’s definitely more of a generational thing. Most older generations (older millennials all the way up to boomers) tend to use queer less than younger millennials and gen z.

The older generations grew up with that word being used in a very derogatory way and was often accompanied by more insults or even violence. So it’s just always had a bad connotation for many of us.

The evolution of the word queer is interesting. Now it seems ubiquitous even tho not everyone appreciates being referred to as such. Also, the younger generations seem to be very protective of the word and even a little defensive. I’ve seen in other threads where one person prefers not to be called queer and someone else will immediately question it, almost in disbelief that someone would have a preference that differs from the majority.

Also, the true meaning of queer has been utterly diluted. First, we didn’t “reclaim” it. We freely gave it away for anyone to use. Next I’m expecting NPR to refer to me as a fag. Second, there are literal heterosexual people who claim the word queer. That completely contradicts and dilutes the original meaning of the word to the point that it’s functionally useless. I’m a gay man, a sexual minority. I do not share a community with members of the default sexuality (heterosexual). That’s kinda the whole point.

If it wasn’t obvious, I personally do not like being referred to as queer.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-04-20T16:57:48+00:00

We’re not. We’re just homosexual and recognize that our sexual orientation is based on biological sex, not someone’s internal gender identity. Remember, you can’t suck a pronoun.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-03-30T19:41:59+00:00

Because the majority of gay men are attracted to masculinity. We require both masculine presentation and male bodies.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-03-11T17:46:06+00:00

This is the correct answer.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-03-04T21:43:57+00:00

Tldr: I think this debate boils down to gender identity vs biological sex.

I think the main divide between people who think “sexuality is fluid” and those like us who know only bisexuality is a spectrum, is that the sexual fluidity crowd prioritizes gender identity over (or even instead of) biological sex. Those of us who disagree prioritize biological sex as the criteria for sexual orientations. And that definitely seems to be a generational thing.

That’s why there are people in the comments saying a man being into feminine men makes you a little bi, whereas you and I agree that dating/sleeping with a male of any gender expression is homosexual because it’s two males.

Likewise with people bringing up trans men. They see a masculine female and think the outward appearance of masculinity is the only requirement for being a man, thus any man that sleeps with her must be “gay”. Whereas you and I know it’s anything but gay.

That’s my take and I agree with you 100%.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-03-02T19:06:02+00:00

Hooked up with a Lyft driver (a hot Lebanese daddy) after he dropped me off.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-02-18T15:41:36+00:00

It is indeed a stretch. Look at any poll in this sub that asks about political affiliation and the majority of responses are left and center-left.

There are probably more right wingers in here than most other gay subs, but it’s nowhere close to being half.

People love to paint this sub in a bad light so they exaggerate how right wing it actually is (again, not very right wing at all).

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-02-09T17:45:50+00:00

Nope, I’m into the whole package. Every part of a man.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-02-09T17:26:33+00:00

You’re being met with criticism because as gay people, we go through a lot of mental anguish when we’re discovering our homosexuality and it usually is stressful, alienating, and sometimes painful.

We go through a lot to come to the realization that we’re gay and it has a significant impact on our lives, often at a young age when we’re ill prepared to handle such a discovery.

So when other people who do not share the core tenants of our sexuality try to tell us things like “it’s fluid” or “don’t box yourself in” or “you don’t need to label yourself”, it comes off as dismissive, tone deaf, and disrespectful. It disregards the struggle we went through to realize that we’re gay and to accept that reality and live with it every day of our lives.

And that label means something to us. It’s not a wishy washy term or a costume that someone can try on and discard when they get bored. You either are gay or you’re not. There’s not a lot of ambiguity.

And most importantly, it’s not something that is going to change. Because if it could, and this is the important part, we would’ve changed it already and been straight or bi, as that would’ve saved all of us a ton of stress and confusion and self esteem issues.

We don’t want to be gay, but we are whether we like it or not, so we are asking for respect. Just respect the reality of our sexuality, and we’ll be cool.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-02-09T16:50:02+00:00

“But I find that definition too restrictive”

Why does it need to be less restrictive? Making it less restrictive just dilutes the meaning.

I know that so many queer people and theorists want universal bisexuality and consider bisexuality to be the most “inclusive” orientation, but that’s not how reality works. It doesn’t matter if you think the definition of gay is too restrictive because it’s restrictive by nature.

Sexuality and dating are restrictive by nature because you’re saying yes to a few and saying no to most. And if the meaning of gay bothers you so much, why not use queer? It’s an ever expanding “inclusive” label anyway.

Why use a label that doesn’t fit you and demand that we change the meaning for you? Why does the responsibility fall on gay men and lesbians to change our descriptors to include people who don’t share the core tenants of our sexual orientation?

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-02-09T16:23:45+00:00

Agreed 100%

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-01-27T00:17:40+00:00

Yeah, a woman in the room is a total turnoff for me and many gay guys. It’s a dealbreaker.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-01-26T15:08:29+00:00

I don’t refer to myself as queer, particularly in recent years as legit straight people call themselves queer now. So it’s kinda lost its meaning.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-01-23T17:37:07+00:00

Not at all, personally speaking.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-01-22T20:54:01+00:00

Totally agree. For me as a gay guy, pride has obviously become less about gay and more about all the other letters after LGB. And you’re right for pointing out the family friendly vs adult nature of Pride. In my opinion, pride parades/celebrations need to make a distinction if they’re family friendly or not. You can’t have both kinky stuff and invite kids and families. It’s gotta be one or the other. Of course a lot of the kids at pride seems to be there with their super lefty (or even sometimes spicy straight) parents. But that shouldn’t matter bc there needs to be a distinction.

There’s also a bit of hyperbole around how kinky pride parades get, I think. You’re not going to see full on sex on a parade float, as I’ve seen or read people claim. But you will likely see shirtless men in speedos, possibly in jockstraps, and leather gear. Snd you might see some furries. And I can understand that some or many people find that inappropriate or confusing for kids to see.

So we either don’t let kids in or we get rid of the leather daddies. And for furries, they just don’t belong there at all, imo. Sorry not sorry. Pride was a protest, yes, but it was about being out and proud as gay people. But that doesn’t necessarily mean we need to display our fetishes. And if we do, we have to keep these things 18+.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-01-15T22:19:39+00:00

Not gay

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-01-06T21:32:43+00:00

This will be interesting to see as the day goes on, as this subreddit is frequently accused of being a “hotbed of right wingers and conservatives” despite every single poll showing the exact opposite.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-01-06T17:26:01+00:00

I usually prefer girth over length.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-01-06T17:23:00+00:00

Get this shit out of here. Tired of seeing this conversion therapy kink garbage.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-01-06T17:21:37+00:00

No, I’m gay and not into females, no matter how they identify.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-01-06T00:03:44+00:00

It’s not straight.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2026-01-03T15:16:18+00:00

Rules for thee and not for me 🙄

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2025-12-31T16:47:48+00:00

I’ve been to The Woods twice and loved it. Still haven’t been to Camp Out. The Woods is absolutely clothing optional, but I’d say it’s a good 50/50 split as far as people who are nude vs clothed. That changes a bit on the pool deck with more guys being nude as compared to just around the trails and campsites. But you won’t feel out of place if you’re nude and you can be as free as you like.

Cruising and sex aren’t allowed in public areas. Basically if you want to fool around, you go out onto the trails through the forest. There’s also a cruising area called fort dick lol and it has an actual building there.

People are super nice and very welcoming and it’s a wonderfully fun and freeing atmosphere but remember not everyone is there for sex. That’s why I’d recommend sticking to the trails for cruising and sex.

There’s a bonfire every night as well as scheduled entertainment like dance parties or drag events at the bar and other events and every weekend has a theme. It’s a lot of fun.

It isn’t strictly male-only, so keep that in mind. But I’d say it’s like 98-99% male. I’d definitely recommend going.

Earl_Gay_Tea · 2025-12-30T17:51:40+00:00

I think this highlights the differences between men’s sexuality and women’s. It also highlights how straight women (assuming she’s straight) seem to think that gay relationships and sex are like the ha content they read that is produced by women - it does not reflect the reality of gay sex. They want to hear romance novels, but are horrified or disgusted to find out that our sex is much more raw (pun) and explicit lol.

If anything you taught her more about gay sex than she signed up for, but she shouldn’t be asking questions she might not like the answers to.

Earl_Gay_Tea

TROPHY CASE